


Brother mine,Concubine

by twinklestar212



Category: Thor - Fandom
Genre: Beautiful Loki, Depressed suisidal loki, Dominant Thor, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Intersex Loki, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki faints, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Panic Attack, Protective Thor (Marvel), Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Suiside attempts, Thor Ragnarok doesn't happen, Thor wants Loki, Vulnerable Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:15:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 60,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25989586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinklestar212/pseuds/twinklestar212
Summary: After the battle with Malekith in Thor Tdw Loki survives with severe injuries. He is brought back and thrown into the cell to continue his punishment. Thor doesn’t like this. Around same time he realises that he loves Loki, so he starts searching for solutions to free his brother. A law that allows new king to choose anyone as his lover catches his attention. But another law about prisoners forces him to take Loki as concubine.He is bound to obey Thor’s every command.Bitter and angry about his fate, HowLoki will react to this forced position.How will Thor propose his love and and win his heart in this situation? How they will cope Asgard’s hostility and resentment towardsLoki.
Relationships: implied Thor/Jane, past Thor/Jane, thorki
Comments: 255
Kudos: 463





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Thorki romance, with sweet Thor. Comments are precious as they let me know how is my writing going. Kudos are loved too. Enjoy

Thor was hopeful this time. Not boisterous like last time when his first coronation had failed and resulted in disaster. He was too eager to be king that time,not this time. Not when Loki was in cell, wasting away.Not when his mother was not there to gaze upon him with proud eyes. But he was hopeful ,because he had a half formed plan to free Loki,To bring his brother back to his side.

Thor has grown up. He isnot arrogant to think that Suddenly he was worthy,he has lost too much for that. After the battle with Malekith,after nearly losing Loki to death(again) he has realised that he needs Loki, like air he breaths. Without him he just goes on doing things,but he will not call it living.not like he want to live. And Loki, Loki has changed after he was thrown back into cell again.,Even after everything he did during battle,Odin was not ready to pardon his crimes. “I cannot be seen being lenient,with my son” he had said. So after some healing to his wounds Loki was sent back to the windowless cell.Since then Loki had refused to speak to Thor.No raged ranting , no throwing clever insults not even snarky remarks, nor snapping anger, nothing. He just ignored Thor, if Thor became too noisy, he would turn his back to him and wait until Thor tired and went away.One day in his frustration Thor had asked, no screamed,

“I know what you did and I appreciate your sacrifice but I had never promised you freedom Loki.then why are you punishing me ,What is this ,Loki"

“It’s called acceptance Thor.I am accepting my fate.You always demanded me to know my place, this is the place your father has given me. I am accepting it,but I cannot do that if you are constantly coming here,showing off all the things you have and I could never have! I would appreciate if you leave me alone to my fate,your majesty!”

Those words cut deep,Thor could not think an acceptable answer to that till date. Words were never his forte, he was man of action. He kept visiting Loki,but the younger man never spoke to him again.So Thor started to search for something, to use in his favour.Something to turn this hopeless situation intosomething good. He started paying attention to treaties and negotiations. He started taking tuition in law,albeit very discreetly.Only his friends and some loyal servants knew.Loki would have laughed in his face, “ Taking tuitions again,centuries after schooling! I used to tell you to pay attention to tutors,brother!”he would have said. 

This was another problem.His mind would keep thinking what Loki would have said?what he would have done? In every situation.It was difficult.He had never thought how dearly he missed his brother.Though his visits to dungeons got fewer his thoughts often would go to his lost brother.That became the cause for rift between him and lady Jane.She had first realised that he had been searching someone else in her.He was an oblivious fool until he called out for Loki while being in throws of passion. That was it. She said,” you are not for my world Thor, it would be better if you go for original instead of mortal copy “ He understood only after she closed the doors in his face. “How foolish,You oaf!” He heard his brothers voice.He did not try to enter back or call for Jane. He left her.Only if he had realised this when he had the chance. Chance! That was why he felt hopeful now, While getting ready for his coronation. 

He arrived on time, no younger brother to cheer him up today.He made his arrival in confident and dutifully firm pace.No trace of arrogance and foolishly boisterous entry this time. He looked at his friends on both sides.Queen’s place was left respectfully vacant. But Loki was given no such honour.Sif had climbed up into his place, Hogan had come from other side to her place. Anger clawed in his stomach, but he doused it. Soon! He thought.

He looked upon Allfather ‘s indifferent face and bowed.Odin started his speech “Thor Odinson, my firstborn.You have come along way ,you have learned...” Thor stopped listening his fathers words as anxiety started budding in his chest. He rehearsed his words as he had done thousands times before.

He said ‘ I swear’ when required and took his oaths. Finally he was crowned king of Asgard and nine realms. He accepted the cheers of the crowd as they hailed their new king.

Odin proudly clapped on his back and said,”Now,As a king it is tradition to take a wife immediately after coronation. But you may wait for a political marriage later. I had announced your mother queen,the same day I became king. She had caught my eye during Vanir wars.Your grandfather had waited and settled for political marriage with a jotun, Bestla.You can decide whichever you prefer.Do you have someone in mind” Thor saw hope in Sif’s eyes.He would have gladly announced her queen first time,but not now. She was too similar to him, he needed opposite,he needed Loki.So he answered,

“ Ah. That. I remember reading that section of law. It said I could choose anyone and my decision will not be opposed.”

“Yes Thor.The law is same for everyone,you can choose anyone!You will have Asgard’s blessings!Is she from other realm? Even if I dislike your choice,I will have to approve.” His father said mildly amused. Maybe he thinks about Jane.

“Anyone??” He asked 

“Yes Thor, the law states the kings first choice would be accepted despite their species,gender or social status. servants or prisoners even are accepted after approval.What is benefit of being king of nine realms if you can’t marry your love.Speak up.” " Thor fidgeted " Its not she.Actually I want to announce my consort today" He could see shock on his friends faces. Fandral whistled, " Never knew you swing both ways,friend" they all chuckled seeing Thor smile. “ Thats the reason you are nervous,As long as you marry some lady later and have heirs, You have my blessings" Odin laughed,"Name the person,my son" " Loki Odinson" Thor announced.Stunned silence fell over court. understanding dawned on All father's face. " Thor, he is you brother!",Sif said " Not in blood!" Thor answered. " He is a frost giant, and even if there are incetives to lay with jotun,We cannot free that tractor" Tyr raged. "You can't bring that monster to sit with you,Thor. We won't bow to him" Vidar followed. Court was filled with murmurs.Thor schooled his features in confident mask, and stared at his father.trying to implore him. Odin stared back and after a moment,nodded slightly,accepting that Thor would not budge. All father thumped his spearand boomed, " Silence!The law accepts everyone in nine realms as new kings choice." Thor sighed in relief ,"But. Section 13, article 4 of Amendments in criminal procedure and punishments says that No prisoner is allowed to marry untill their punishment is carried out and they are free of charge" he added. Thor had hoped nobody will remember that, but allfather was known for his wisdom.So he had no chance there. "I know, so I will not be able to marry him.But I wish to take him as concubine.Its allowed."He heard shocked gasps behind him. "I understand that I will Have to take wife in future, and I will be available for political marriage" He tried to placate. " Very well. We will have to accept that but we cant let the danderous criminal roam free. His magic will be bound and he will have to obey your every command.His transgressions will be your responsibility." " Father, we can't bound his magic.He will not survive that long without his seidr.You know it” "I am not talking about blocking his seidr .He will be bound to you. His seidr will be forced to obey you" "Father, if we take this discussion somewhere private..." " Then you should have discussed this with me earlier.What you have asked has caused distress in our subjects.Its better they know the terms!You will take the responsibility"Odin admonished. " Yes father.I accept" " There is no need for marriage ceremony. I will place the geas on him and Tomorrow you will announce him as your concubine .The collar can be commissioned by then .You can choose the design." " Collar?" Thor was confused. Loki was to be his concubine not his slave. " I will need some contraption to control his seidr. You will place the enchanted collar on him, as decided." Odin explained. " May I suggest something less obvious, like a ring or bracelet? I don't like placing collar on him.Something removable, so that he can be his own in our bedchamber.I don't want a mindless body in bed" The words left sour taste in his mouth. But he will not back down now,even if he was cornered. This is what he has chosen for his brother's, Loki's freedom.He will face it. " A ring then. But he will not be able to remove it himself.It can be removed Only by your hands.I advice to do it only in your bedchamber.” " Yes father!" " And as Loki's true parentage is known, we understand that he is able to concieve and carry children.Any child he bears you, will not be considered in line to throme unless otherwise decided by court" Thor didn't object.This battle was far far later to come.He had to think gor the once he was facing. -@-@-@-@-@-@-@-@- ; " " , . . 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is not happy, of course he doesn't take the humiliation well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello peeps.I had decided to keep a steady interval between chapter update. But I am Quarantined and bored to death! So here it is. Today's early update is for Lorcats, Tuti and some other people who have encouraged me when I was having second thoughts.Trust me, when I say author needs all the support they can get.  
> I have been lurking here for many years, but never commented on good fics.I am trying to change that.  
> Okay now here it is

As he entered in Loki's chamber,he was greeted by dark.He knew Loki was brought to his chambers.He had ordered a bath and meal for his brother. His father wanted to bring Loki in court room and tell him his fate.How it would have gone, they both knew.SoThor had requested to do it himself,in private.Here he was, nervous and scared out of his mind. He entered in before he could turn to leave and drop the whole thing. At first he thought Loki was in bath, so he knocked the bathing room.But seeing it empty, the hot water unused he turned The room was immaculate as always, the only light coming from half open balcony door. He went to open it and found Loki sitting there.His back to the wall, knees pulled up with his skinny arms around the legs.He was staring at the sky. Thor was saddened by the view. " Hey, brother.You okay?" He asked softly.Loki turned towards him ,his face deathly pale in moonlight, " Its beautiful isn't it? How many days it had been?" " What.I visited you a month ago, mayhaps more.I am sorry.I have been busy" Thor explained perplexed. "No.How many days have been since I had seen the sky?" Loki said and turned towards the stars again. Thor didn't answer.He didn't know how to.He sat down with him. " Congratulations by the way" Loki said. " Loki I am happy to have you out of that place. but we need to talk." Loki turned, took in Thor's pained expression, his clenching unclenching hands,and asked " I would like to think that you have been merciful to grant me freedom but I know Odin too well.Whats the catch?" He kept tracing the seidr blocking cuffs on his wrists. It must be painful.

"Loki, brother nothing would have pleased me more than to free you, but it was no option.Your crimes are too grave to pardon.I had to take what was available"  
Loki paled more, to a ghastly white shade, " What have you done?" He asked.  
" I have been trying to find a solution. But this is the only way to get you out of the cell.You know Asgard's laws, The newly crowned king can announce anyone as his queen or cosort. I chose you"  
Lokis eyes widened ," But I am a charged prisoner, I can't marry" Thor sighed and said, "You are to be my concubine"  
" What?" Loki hissed.  
"I know,you don't like it, but I couldn't let you rot in that box.I know how you value your freedom, the sky.I had this one chance, and I took it."  
" You should have told me first" Loki was now gnawing his lower lip, his old nervous habit.It always caused Thor's attention to his lips. He ignored the urge and said instead,   
" I know.Father was angry about the same thing."   
"He won't let me go so easily.What more?" He sounded scared,shaken even.  
" Your seidr will be bound to me, you will have to obey me. But don't worry Loki, I will never harm you.I will make it easy, you will be fine.I promice.."  
Thor tried and failed to assure him. " bound to you," Loki whispered to himself, a tremble ran through his body. Thor wanted to smack himself.He should have talked to his brother beforehand ,even if he didn't agree it would have been less shocking.  
" Do I get a choice to refuse" Loki asked.  
" You know the law," Thor said miserably. He could not refuse the king of nine realms. "Come lets get you to your bath.The water is cooling."Thor got up and offered his hand, Loki didn't accept.  
" I have been called trickster, liesmith, snake, monster ,traitor and many names my king.But now that you have reduced me to your ..plaything, I would like some dignity for this one night.Please leave." He sounded ,resigned, defeated.  
Thor didn't dare to visit him again.  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_. 

Next day servants were sent prepare Loki for the announcement. The guards fetched him in courtroom..Thor took in his appearance and instantly knew that this was not Loki's work.He was made to wear a white robe of all things! Loki who preferred dark colours was walking towards him in soft white robe with golden seamings. His long hair twisted back to make a fine crown of itself.Single gold choker adorned his long neck.He looked stunning! Thor swallowed his anxiety and went to receive him.But was stopped short when he noticed that a guard held a dainty chain connecting cuffs on his wrists.He walked with his hands before him,eyes downcast.He was flushed bright red, which could be taken as shame or shyness by the people but Thor had known his brother for thousand years.Loki didn't show his emotions,he had mastered his blank mask for such events.Something was wrong. In fact everything was wrong about this, if you asked him.It must have been humiliating,to be dragged through court to.. to be this! Thor glared towards his father.This had left no doubt about Loki's position henceforth.Thor leaped down the stairs from throne. He took the chain and dismissed the guards. Immediately, he clicked the locks and removed the chains.   
"Its not needed anymore." And threw the chain to guard standing nearby.Then with a gentle hand touched Loki's flushed cheek. who looked up, green eyes filled with despair.  
" Its okay,Loki.It will be finished soon." He said. Loki didn't answer, didn't acknowledge.Just looked down again, his face blank.  
Odin stood up and gave Thor a ring. It was an amethyst with smaller diamonds surrounding it intricately.Thor himself had chosen the ring. Odin boomed expaining to the court,  
" I have enchanted the ring myself, By Yggdrasil's ancient powers, This ring will bind Loki to his king rendering him unable to disobey any command by Thor !"   
Thor took Loki's hand in his left hand and slid the ring on his ring finger easily.He had always liked Lokis soft nimble hands to hold in his calloused big ones.As soon as ring was in place a tremor ran through Loki's body, He looked up eyes wide brimming with fear. Thor held his both hands and tried to support him to stand. His hands shaking in Thor's as the enchantment took place.  
" It is done.Thor remove the cuffs. That will be easier for him" Allfather adviced.  
But Thor knew that sudden rush of freed seidr will be too much for Loki to handle now.He had seen it when it was released in the cell. So he simply answered," Later" Loki was not in condition to even understand it.He was too numb.  
" Very well" ,said Odin, " Since royal harems were not used for more than millenia, we don't have a harem master.The steward will be responsible for well being of royal concubine. He will present him to the court" Kvasir was not happy to take on the duty, it could be seen on his old face. But he stood up and came in front,  
" May I " He asked Thor who nodded stupidly.  
" I now present you the royal concubine ,Loki . He is bound to serve and obey our valiant king." With that he held Loki's shoulders and turned him towards crowd. The silence was chased away as slowly the claps started one by one, and then the court was filled with claps and cheers.  
" May he bring you peasure ,my king" Somebody called.  
" A jotun body is most beautiful treasure,use it well!" some other jeered.  
Thor knew this must be hard for Loki so he only stared at him carefully.Loki didn't looked up or gave any indication that he was hurt by the things done or said about him.He was standing there as if his mind was not there. Thor turned him towards himself, Gently holding his upper arms.Then started talking to him softly.  
"Loki, it is done.Its all right.We can go now.look at me brother" He touched Loki's cheek which was oddly warm. He knew they were being watched by people. But worry about Loki took precedence,  
" Hey look at me,its fine now" He tapped Loki's cheek causing Loki to look up.His eyes wide with confusion.

" It's all right baby.You are ok now.Its done"He assured.  
. "Now give us a kiss!" Somebody jeered causing Loki to snap towards the voice.  
Loki looked around the court as if seeing it for first time.He held his left hand up in front of his face and looked at the ring, horrified. Suddenly his knees buckeled as Thor tried to hold him in place. His face paled as white as his robe, eyes rolled back and he passed out in Thor's arms.Aesir people were going to talk about this for centuries ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about it. Isn't this Thor lovely?  
> Also next update will be in 2 days.  
> Counting on your comments and kudos.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not much just some fluff

Loki" Thor tried to rouse him but failed.He scooped him up with one hand behind his knees and one taking his back going ,with shoulder pushed under his arm.Then called out, " People of Asgard, my beloved is not feeling well.We have to conclude here.But you are all invited for feast tonight. And my beloved is to be addressed as Prince Loki henceforth "With that said, he left towards healer's ward in palace.  
He didn't hear murmured jokes of , 'afraid of taking Thor's hammer' 'Swooned like a maiden' and laughter thereafter.  
As soon as he laid his burden down on bed on Eirs command, He saw how ill Loki looked. He was pasty pale, with cold beads of sweat on his brow and upperlip. Strands of hair sticking on his face. Thor moved them away with gentle hand.  
" Your magesty ,you need to step out.Let me attend to the patient" Eir requested. He went out.He needed to clear bis head. His friends had followed him there, he refused to acknowledge them.They also kept silent.  
Eir came out after a while.  
" Lady Eir, how fares my brother.Is he hale? What has happened to him?"  
"My lord king, he will be better after some rest.He has a fever, while the increase in temperature may not harm any aesir but it was too much for his jotun body.He felt it dearly,with his seidr blocked and sudden loss of coldness of dungeon.He will need to be kept cold. He has not been eating well past months, that may also be the cause of the collapse,along with the obvious stress on his mind"  
" He was not eating well?"  
" Aye.my king.Since your mother's demice Loki has been skipping meals,as its common after loss of dear one.I came to know after similar incident like this lin his cell few days ago"  
"Why was I not informed?" Thor was angry, angry at everyone.  
" Its not needed to inform the prince about illness of prisoners."  
" What about family,are they not informed" He asked  
" Not if its not life threatening." Eir touched his arm,she was dear friend to Frigga, like an aunt to them." He is not a prince anymore, as early as you accept this it will be easy for you my king.What you did Today for him, we understand why you did it.But you need to see the truth.He sees it, he is too clever not to." She said.  
" I know.I only want to make it right. I want to make him happy Eir" He said  
" Its going to be difficult. You should start with making him healthy, make him eat" She smiled.  
Thor didn't left Loki's side until he woke up. His cuffs were removed by healers, to Thor's relief. He was slumbering in same cloths, he had worn to court.Thor had to control the urge to touch him. Instead he kept busy with swiping Loki's brow with cool wet cloth.Loki shivered beautifully when the cold water touched him. After an hour Loki's fever started breaking. He was sweating while moaning now and then. Thor would keep a hand on his cheek, feeling giddy when the unconscious man leaned into his touch.  
" Mother" Loki whimpered after some time  
"Sshh.Its ok Loki you are fine,We are safe,rest now" Thor tried to consol him.That caused him to open his eyes.  
"Thor ? What are you doing here,?,What happened? Am I injured?", He asked groggily as he tried to sit up looking around.  
" You need to rest Loki.Your fever is still not broken yet." He gently pushed the leanerman back in the bed.  
" Uh.What is..." Loki stopped to stare at his clothes.As the memories came flooding back to him he layed back and closed his eyes.A lone tear slid down and lost in his hair  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_

Thor spent all his time with Loki for next four days.He even camped in the infirmary on spare bed. Only going back to his chambers to take  
bath and change his clothes.He held up the paperwork unless it was urgent.Attended feast only to eat and entertain the dignitaries who came to congratulate him. Then he would leave as soon as he could. He asked servants to bring broths,light foods or even some sweets he knew to be Loki's favourite. He endured Loki's glares to hold the bowl so that Loki could eat his little fill, and didn't feed him when his hands trembled . He knew that would not end well. He helped Loki to bathroom as he stood up on woobly legs and stumbled like a newborn colt.He kept silent after Loki's snide remarks and angered insults as he grudgingly accepted the needed help.  
All father had asked about Loki's health next day over breakfast. Then He had warned Thor,  
"I hope you understand what you are doing,Thor. Loki is lost cause.He will stab your back and sneak out of Asgard on first opportunity.He is too bitter to accept your love now"  
Thor wanted to argue, but he knew both Loki and their father too well. So he just said," I will be careful,father"  
He didn't mention his father to Loki ,he could visit himself if he wished.Loki didn't ask about him either. Their mother was also too painful to be mentioned. Loki slept a lot, Eir had explained it was effect of the potions and magic of healing stones.Thor didn't mind, as it gave him time to finish his work, while gazing on the sleeping form of his brother. Every time he saw Lokis pale face relaxed in sleep with lashes touching his pale skin, His usually pink lips chafed and gnawed to redness,it caused a flutter in his stomach.But he had to ignore the urge to lean in and kiss his beautiful brother. He could just hope that one day Loki would feel the same for him.One day Loki would accept the love he wished to shower upon him.  
His friends had found him after two days as he was returning to Loki from the feast.  
" Thor," Volstag called." How fares Loki?"  
" He is better. His fever is down today."  
" He was always too proud,Thor. He is not going to accept this easily" Hogun surprised him by talking.  
" You have signed yourself for trouble, my friend" Volstag said.  
" Not that you would mind, Loki is gorgeous.You need to be blind to ignore his beauty." He never had thought Fandral could anger him.But he could apparently, by comments on his Loki!  
Shut up Fandral" Sif scolded," You know Thor doesn't feel that way."  
" Aye, he is just being noble fool,as Loki would call him" Volstag said.  
' If only you knew!' Thor thought to himself and said his farewells to return to Loki. They didn't offer to come and meet him.He did not ask them to. He had tried to band them together, It didn't work then,It was not going to work now. If they wanted to spend time with Thor they needed to befriend Loki, by themselves. Thor will not allow their mocking and insults, nor he will drag his brother to spend time with them.It was Loki he choose now, others would have to adjust.  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_

Loki was moved to their chambers after 5 days. Before that Thor had brought his clothes and books in their chambers.Added some healing and calming charms and runes on Eir's advice.Loki noticed it of cource, but he commented on totally different things.  
" Do I have to live in this", he gestured disdainfully around the mess in the chambers.Thor was never immaculate like him.  
" Its not that bad!" he tried.  
" Thor, your cloths are thrown around the floor,some of which are under your dirty shoes.One of your capes is gathering dust on that filthy chair.Your bed smells. I cant live in this! " It was truth.but Thor smiled as this reminded him of their old banter.  
" You can clear it with a wave of your hand,brother.Stop complaining." He gave his old answer, carefully avoiding derogatory comments about tricks he would have used in old days.  
"Yes.I suppose" Loki said.There was a small smile on his lips.Thor was proud of this small achievement.More so than his past conquests in adventures.

_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, How are tou doing. Tell me what do you think about this one.  
>  Each kudo brings a smile to me and each comment is like a fluffy bunny I carry around me ...in my heart of course.   
>  If you motivate me enough, next update will be by the end of 25th August.  
>  Love,,❤️


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans

Chapter 4

Loki spent his days in their shared chambers.Preferably by the window with a book in his lap.He would not speak unless asked direct question.That worried Thor. The new king had tried to take him out for the meals in dining halls, but he refused everytime. He needed to appear in public and spend time with Thor as protocal but Thor didn't want to push him.He knew Loki would want to go out soon.He just had to wait. He was trying to ask him to come to gardens that one evening,  
" Just a walk Loki.You know royal gardens are open for only us. Nobody will be there." He had said. Loki seemed to think about it for some time."  
" Can I come back, whenever I please?"  
" Of course!"Thor's smile was as bright as summer sun.  
They walked side by side through carefully emptied halls.The absence of guards didn't seem to affect Loki.Thor itched to touch him, to take his hand but he controlled himself.  
They sat around a table set in emergency after king's order. There was tea and cookies filled with nuts.Loki's favourite tea party.It was the thing they used to share with mother.Thor had stopped coming after he growed up to discover new adventures with his friends. Loki looked at the arrangement and raised his eyebrows in question.Thor didn't answer, instead said,  
" I would have served but you know me. I would spill everything.Should I call a servant?"  
" No.Let me" Loki served the tea with ease.Thor would have thought serving tea can't be made more graceful. They sat there enjoying the silence and tea.Loki ate his cookies, which he hadn't touched in their chambers.Thor hadbeen trying to feed him in subtle ways.Now he was happy to stare as Loki ate and drank lost in his thoughts. He turned his gaze away as soon as his brother's eyes turned to him  
" Its odd to see you so silent! " Loki stated  
" I am trying to change, to be better"  
" Don't!"  
" What?" Thor asked  
" You don't have to change Thor, You are perfect.Aesir people love you, Father loves you" He all but whispered the last part.  
" I am not changing for them." Thor said.He wanted to elaborate,to tell how sorry he was for all the pain he had caused in his ignorance. How he wished he had been wise and respected his brother. But what will empty words do now? He could only hope his actions will be able to assure Loki of his love.But then, it also seemed too difficult after he had forced his brother in this.  
" We should head back.I have a council meeting" He said instead  
Loki stood up gracefully and they moved back.He accompanied Loki upto his chambers,the latter stood in threshold gnawing his lower lip. Thor was about to turn to leave when Loki spoke,  
"Thank you Thor. It was nice" A balloon of happiness filled Thor's being.  
" We can do this again" He said  
" I would like that" he said And disappeared inside.  
Thor almost floated towards meeting rooms.  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_

On the first night in their chambers, Thor had suggested he can sleep in outer chamber on couch, out of courtesy. But Loki shook his head and with a wave built a transparent barricade in the middle of the large bed.Nobody could see it ,but Thor could feel its solid presence like a glass.It was torture indeed, He could watch, he could talk but he could not touch his brother. Thor had always been a tactile person.Having the object of his fantacy so close yet so unreachable, caused him to lay awake in the bed many times. He would gaze at sleeping form of the man he loved so hopelessly, so desperately and could do nothing more than watch. In those nights he had came to know that, Loki's dreams were not nice. His brother would twist and turn, trying to fight off something, sometimes whimpering softly, other times calling out for mother. He once jolt awake drenched in sweat, breathing heavily,causing Thor to quickly close his eyes feigning sleep.Loki ran his hands through his hair,scrubbed his face in frustration and without making any noise slid out of bed to go to bathing room. When he came back Thor was actually asleep. He never talked about his dreams, Thor also avoided to ask him.He knew his brother was too proud to talk about such things.  
Being king, Thor had to have his meals out with others ,so he made a routine to share a breakfast with Loki. They ate at the small table in their outer quarters, after Thor had returned from his daily sparring and washed.Years of practice made him to wake before dawn, He would leave sleeping Loki to spar with his friends.The only time he would spend alone with them. When he returned, Loki would be awake and ready. With a clean room and arranged breakfast, he would wait for Thor to eat together.It felt nice. So when Odin askedhim to share breakfast with him, he refused. The old man, narrowed his eye.Then said,  
" I know your reason,Thor.Of course,you would like to spend more time with a newfound love. But its traditional to invite lover of son to eat with family.You can bring your concubine.Lets be a family again"  
Thor was fuming, he hissed angrily., " His name is Loki,father.He used to be your son. He is much more than a body to please my carnal needs. If you are going to insult him like this, I will have to refuse." He left without listening to whatever manipulation his father was going to use.  
He never uttered the incidence to Loki. But he didn't stop pestering him about going out. Attend meals and such.Loki refused everytime.But they both knew he will have to appear outdoors with Thor.It couldn't be avoided forever. Thor was trying not to be pushy, to give him time. That day he was requesting to come with him to receive Alfheim's deligation.It was due early morning,so there would not be many people.Loki had friendly relations with many elven ambassadors,more than friendly in somecases.But that was in past.  
" Just recieve them and you can leave. Or you can spend some time with them, they are your friends,You will thank me later." Thor tried.  
" I was Asgard's prince when they were my friends.Now I am just a toy to amuse King of Asgard" Loki sneered.  
" You know I would never touch you without your consent.Why do you have to be difficult" Thor was frustrated now.  
" Because being difficult is only way to be heard. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go to library" Loki left miserable Thor in their chambers and slammed the door behind him.  
He had started to go to library during day, where he could hide in his favourite corner without being disturbed. It was his old habit, books provided distraction he needed.And the building was cool and dark as he preferred. Absence of visitors was added benefit.  
Next day he found himself in the library immediately after breakfast, Thor being busy with the Alfheims delegation.He was asleep on a cold floor when Thor found him.  
Thor lifted the book from his chest and closed it. Then touched his hand on Loki's cool forhead, carding his fingers through his softraven hair, he called him softly.  
" You never woke me like this " Loki said turning his head closer towards Thor. Thor raised his eyebrows,  
" Charging in the room like a bull,and screaming till the last soul in hellheim wakes up, is your usual style" Loki said his with a twinkle in his eyes.  
" I do no such thing.and this is library, we have to keep silence",Thor was happy to see genuine smile on Loki's face.  
" You didn't have problems killing silence before! What do you want?" Loki sat up.  
" Nothing.just wanted to meet you before going out.I have a gift for you,in our chambers." Thor said.  
" Do you now?" Loki raised his eyebrows, causing Thor to spill the beans.  
" Ah.I know you hate our bitter ale.So I bribed elven ambassador to give some of their honeyed mead.I know you used to keep it" Thor stuttered.  
" Ah, Faradei! Are you sure you had to bribe him for that.He always brought it as a gift for me. And you would never bribe anyone  
" ,Loki smiled at Thor's expression. " Uh. Okay. You are right. He wanted to give it himself. But I told them that you don't meet anyone except me now.They were sad!"  
" You told them no such thing" Loki glared at him. " They will think you have forbidden me to meet them.You big oaf!"  
" But its truth. You don't meet anyone!" Thor said unfazed by his outburst.  
" You know what, I am coming to meet them.They are my friends.You will have a dinner after negotiation today,yes?"Loki said.  
" Yes.Would you like it to be private, I can hold off the feast untill tomorrow. You will be able to talk with them without many people around" Thor suggested.  
" I would like that.Thank you"Thor smiled. This was the Elven's plan.And it succeeded.He shall thank them later.He hoped Loki would come out more, during their stay.He will think about it later,but now Loki was nervously biting his lower lip, playing with thread of the bookcover.He looked adorable.  
" Hey, what are you worried about?"  
" Nothing" Loki answered.But Thor knew better.He was not ignorant fool he used to be.These were diplmats, with whoom Loki had negotiated treaties for Asgard.He had talked tothem as their equal, superior even being a prince. But now all that was past, gone.Now he was Thor's lover, concubine.There was no place for his clever words , witty remarks and sharp mind. He could never play his favourite game with these people.His place was in Thor's bed and sometimes on his arms as a trophy to show off.Thor would not have it so, slowly but surely he would raise his brother to his rightful place.By his side, with dignity.Untill then he could not do much,only small things.So he said,  
" Very well.I shall leave then.I would ask steward to make arrangements for the dinner.Are you returning to our chambers?I shall accompany you. "  
" Hmnn.Lets go." Loki stood up.  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovely folks out there, here is another update.They are still getting grip of there new life.drama will start soon... please comment and tell me how do you feel about this. You can obviously point out any errors I am making.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well,here is another one. Loki attends a dinner...  
> And guys Loki wears a ring which will force him to obey Thor... Nobody pointed out why there is no such incident still ! Even Thor being careful he is bound to to say something which will be taken as command ... He was pestering Loki to go out with him in last chapter... Why nobody asked about it? I am disappointed:-(

When Thor came back in late afternoon he was greeted by seamstress and her servants trudging around carrying different outfits. Outer quarters of his chambers was filled with stands carrying cloths made in soft materials like silk . chiffon,some cottons with glittering embroidery and beadworks!  
Thor was confused.When he entered inner chamber, He found that Loki was being fussed over by two women trying to adjust the clasps of blood red tunic on him. The tunic had plunging neckline bordered with golden threadwork.He wore tight black leather pants. It was a definite male outfit, but had a soft alluring touch to it.Loki looked edible! Thor had to clear his throat before speaking. That caused Loki to whip his neck towards him, flush started dusting his face and neck running down and dissappearing into the bold neckline. Thor forgot that he was about to speak something.They both were awkward now.  
" Doesn't he look gorgeous in your colours ,my king? " The seamstress who had followed him in asked.  
" Uh? " Thor was still unable to speak. Loki's eyebrows rose." How eloquent,Thor" He read in his brother's expression.  
" Whats all this?" He managed to ask.  
" The steward had requested appropriate clothing for the royal concubine.We had made some after the announcement. The steward called us today for the fitting for tonight's dinner.I will be happy make more outfits according to Prince Loki's requirements,of course." She explained, dismissing her servants with a wave of hand.  
" Oh.I had requested Kvasir the steward for dinner arrangements. I didn't know he will go to this length. Though Loki looks stunning, he will not be using such outfits.He is a warrior, not some woman to be decorated." Seeing the seamstress's puzzled expression he added, " I like him as he is, lady Hulda. I fell in love with him when he wore his former garbs" There was truth in this atleast.  
" But his station as your..." she started  
" Requires him to dress as I please.And I like him as prince Loki, in his normal cloths"He inturrpted before she could throw Loki's status in his face.  
" Thor, " Loki said shuffling his weight from one foot to other, " She is right.I need new outfits.I can't wear my formar garbs Thor.I can't wear armour or vambraces or even capes.Even if you force people to call me Prince, the truth is I am not a prince anymore. I am not allowed the things that used to be privilege of my rank and family." Thor opened his moth to protest and shut it immediately.He had no argument.  
" Still you should know that I would not force you to wear such revealing or uncomfortable cloths. We can have cloths made in your preferred colours." He amended.  
" I would like that.But I liked some outfits from lady Hulda's collection.Can I have them?" Loki asked,his head inclined one side, looking utterly adorable. Anybody would give their life if he asked like this.  
" Of course brother, you have no need to ask" Thor grinned.  
Loki went out and brought a midnight black shirt with silver grey design and told him that he was going to change in bathrooms.  
" Ah, he is shy of you" Hulda noted. And flustered when she realised her mistake, " I...I apologise my king, I should not have talked out of my place"  
" Its fine my lady. See that you don't comment about our relationship outside of this chambers." Then he lowered his voice saying , "Would you send the red tunic to me separately if he doesn't choose it? I rather like it on him"  
" With pleasure my king!" Hulda's smile was enough to cause him flush beetroot.Loki came back in Black outfit ,the long black shirt going midway to his thighs.He went to his wardrobe to get a fine brown belt to add over the tunic to accentuate his slim waist. He had managed to look sensual yet royal and classy at the same time.He turned to Thor and spread his arms, looking down at himself and asked,  
" What do you think,Thor? Should I wear this tonight?"  
Thor gulped and said, " You look wonderful Loki.You should wear this tonight", ' and You are going to be my death one of these days', he added in his mind. Loki smiled happily and went to select more outfits.  
_@_@_@_@_@_

The dinner arrangements were made in a spacious room near feasting hall. The Alfheim's delegation was already seated when they arrived.  
" Thor, king of Asgard ! " Faradei greeted with a bow. He was a slender elf with fine features and straight golden brown hair that did nothing to hide his poited ears.  
" Loki, my friend" He smiled carefully avoiding any title.  
" Always with the sneaky, insults Faradei" Loki replied cheekily. Thor was confused, Loki should not be angry as he himself had said that he had no rank.  
" Loki, he does not know that I have ordered you to be addressed as prince.I am sure it was unintentional" , he provided trying to save the evening from being ruined.  
" He insulted you, foolish oaf." Thor frowned in confusion ,so Loki explained further, " I know my position has no titles. But he should have addressed you as 'his king' You are Kig of nine realms, not only of asgard"  
" Oh!" Thor felt stupid.  
" I don't know how much you decieve him in talks of treaty.Deference now Faradei!" Loki admonished.  
" Of course.I apologize my king! Let me introduce my fellows to your royal concubine" Faradei said smoothly. Thor didn't know why he always felt angry when anyone called Loki his concubine, maybe the demeaning tone was the cause.But Faradei made it sound like a title, a privilege.Loki was nodding and smiling as the introduction were made.He was already friends with Faradei, Frida and Alfie. Having been met again and again over the years as ambassadors.Only new faces were two guards and a young elfin boy training to be a diplomat.He was staring at Loki with huge brown eyes, visibly impressed.  
As the mead was served , initial awkwardness bled away as talks continued like old times. No further mention was made of Loki's punishment or his changed status.Thor loved the clever banter between Faradei and his brother.He never had the patience for talking, so he used to leave the duty to his brother. He used to drag him to quests forcing him to spend time with his own friends.But here, Loki was having his own friends and also followers judging by the young man's face.Thor never had gave it much thought before.  
" Our young Feldon is quite taken by you Loki" Frida observed.  
" I might have exaggerated his sharp wit and his seidr to Feldon" Alfie said casually.  
" Ah.Youngsters meeting veteran! Careful Feldo, Loki might take advantage of you. You will find yourself in his bed before you know it" Faradei said causing Feldon to blush.  
" Like you did with me!" Loki grinned.Thor's ears perked.He looked carefully,schooling his features.  
" Say if you regret it.You were too bright to manipulate into bed my beast! You came willingly." Faradei ansered.  
" Of course.But thats in the past." Loki said looking at Thor.  
" Of cource. Doused fires are not to be mentioned in front of new sparks" Faradei was nothing if not clever.  
" No.Faradei, we are not..its not like that. Thor only did this to free me from prison. He doesn't even like men. Please don't mention this outside" Loki blabbered. If only Thor could take him aside and kiss the his stupid misunderstanding away.  
" Oh. I see." Faradei didn't look convinced in slightest. Frida wisely changed the topic,  
" Loki, you are menace to negotiate with.But its no fun without you.Aesir are dull and stupid, no offence my king" she added making Thor smile.  
"none taken" he said.It was truth after all.  
" Yes there are only two possibilities with them, either they agree or they want to beat you! How do you form treaties with them?" Feldon found the courage to speak but he was absolutely frightened darting glances to Aesir king .  
" You speak truth,young man.But remember You don't insult those who can beat you, not in direct words . And if you want to do so you should not show your fear.Control your emotions." Loki adviced cutting his meat.Thor liked to see him like this happy, talking freely into his own field.This was no trickery, this was an art developed carefully and seemed to be given training of on other realms.Only aesir will look down on something like this.  
" Would you like to talk in the negotiations, brother? " Thor asked. Loki looked up sharply.  
" You know I can't " he said.  
" Not as ambassador. But you can come with me, help me reform the treaty. Please Loki, you know I hate it. Can't you make this easy for me?" Thor said and waited seeing Loki contemplate the offer.  
" Fine. I can attend at least " He said at last. He didn't see the smile Thor shared with the elves.

"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are the fuel that makes me go on......


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki as negotiater and more.....and something like a kiss!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys...here's another! Feel free to tell me how you like it.I know it's not progressing fast but there are too many issues and I am more comfortable with writing incidents than emotions,so bear with me.  
> I am facing something big this weekend..so wish me luck.

Next day found Loki following Thor in conference room on unsure feet. Thor kept his pace slow, so that Loki won' t turn and bolt away. When they entered the meeting room, they were fashionably late.And overdressed in Loki's case.'I look like a whore' he had thought looking in mirror.He was about to change his olive green robe when Thor came to get him.  
" You look beautiful in this, brother.Come ,we are getting late." He had said.  
So Loki just discarded the idea to change.Now he regretted the decision.As soon as they entered, Everybody's gaze turned to them, especially Loki. On second thought, Whatever he wore they were going to stare at him.So he composed himself, turned his shoulders back and slid his blank mask in place.and sat on the chair next Thor.  
It was an oval table,with a empty chair at one end which was reserved for Allfather, Him being chief of council.Even after declaring Thor as king,he had kept many powerful positions with him.Old habits are difficult to die, greed for power can be such, Loki thought bitterly.Then turned his attention to others in the room.He had practiced to avoid thoughts of allfather, or mother or his past even his present situation. No more thoughts! He dragged his attention to negotiation, gave his best smile to elves. then turned to Aesir negotiating committee.Usually diplomats in asgard were second class warriors, bitter old people mostly. Asgard's diplomacy was completely was Loki's responsibility in past.Not that he got any recognition for it, Odin and Thor could always beat people into compliance afterall.Loki's skills were not needed, even if he saved thousands of lives and prevented wars. Silvertongue, they called him! He turned his gaze to Thor absent-minded, and found him looking concerned. He shaked his head,to assure Thor, to clear his mind ,both! Then willed himself to pay attention.  
" Alfaheim has grains, medicinal herbs , magical product and new technologies to offer, Asgard can give nothing in return. my lord king" He heard Frida saying.  
" Not to forget services of our mages and healers" Alfie increased the presssure.  
" But raise in prices you ask is outrageous" Bragi said from somewhere to Loki's right.  
" The reforms have not happened since over a century. we also have to pay the costs" Faradei said gamely.  
" Yes but thrice of original price is too much to ask.Asgard is wealthy, aye but we cant waste everything we have on Elven goods." Dagr son of Dellingr said.He was sitting right next to Loki.Still he did not heard muttered curse directed to him. Thor was about to burst with amusement to his left.  
" What do you think Loki, share your thoughts" he asked with straight face.Loki glared at him. He was only attending not participating, that was the rule they agreed upon. "Traitor" he mouthed . Thor grinned.  
" Ah.Loki is the one who shaped last treaty, we would like to know his opinion.Won't you support a poor realm ,Loki?" Faradei asked innocently. Gauntlet was the thrown,, now Loki could not back down, could not run away.They all knew this.  
" Why, ambassador you remembered that I was part of last treaty,you honour me really.But then you shall also remember that we raised the prices of goods by ten percent not thrice the original. And by addition we agreed that we will raise the price in same proportion on next reform" Loki said smoothly.  
"Ah.The menace is here!" Frida said loudly, her hand going to her heart in mock offence.  
" The raise was fixed already, then why are we bickering for two days?" Bragi all but screamed.  
" My old friend, if any of you had took pains to read the last treaty, It would have saved you all the bickering" Said Alfie.  
" We on the other hand are enjoying Asgard's hospitality. We knew this reform is just a matter of sign.But what elf denies good old vacation on golden realm ,eh?'" Faradei was suddenly all casual charm. Feldon looked still deep in thought, So he asked him," You have a question pupil?"  
" I still don't understand, why we agreed on prices decided by Aesir which are unfair in my opinion. They have nothing to bargain with, then why can't we decide our costs?"  
To that Loki said, " I will answer your question,Feldon! May I?" He asked Faradei who inclined his head graciously, " See, Feldon.Asgard has no visible goods to share with. But Asgard offers protection in return.We are protectors of nine afterall. With a formidable army and mighty Thor as the leader, Asgard is a force to reckon with. Any realm that crosses her path, its going to be destroyed.That protection is what we have to bargain" He said in light tone. But underlined meaning was not lost even to Feldon, 'Asgard provide protection, even from asgard' So you will have to pay.  
Elves knew this already, so there was no surprise.Thor saw respect in some aesir faces also. Feldon was already starstruck. Thor fell in love allover again.  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_  
Loki was glowing with happiness, it didn't take too much to convince him to attend the feast. It was for his elven friends afterall.  
" What should I wear? " He asked and held his lower lip about to chew it raw with tense face.His eyebrows crinkled to middle of forehead adorably..  
Thor who was adjusting his vambraces over his lighter armour, came to stand in front of him. He then pulled Lokis lip free from his teeths, with his finger. saying,  
" You should wear whatever you like. I won't mind.And others won't dare object, okay?"  
He then turned as Loki started to adjust his vambraces.Loki attached his cape on shoulder clips, giving him a once over.Like old times,  
" You look good, Thor" he said.  
" And you will look better.So get ready! " Thor answered grinning.  
Finally Loki wore a green-black shirt with a golden chocker on it, much like his old outfits.Nothing elaborate as a concubine would wear.Wearing these colours are not going to make him prince again.He sighed,dejected. And follwed Thor.

" The King and protector of nine reams Almighty Thor and his royal concubine prince Loki arrives!All bow to thee" Herald anounced causing Loki's steps falter.  
" Nervous, brother?" Thor asked.  
" Never" Loki gritted. But his face showed otherwise. Thor slowed his steps.  
" I will be with you" he said taking Loki's hand. Loki didn't retract it,but held on it in a tight grip.yet he quipped,.  
" Thats what I fear, brother"  
Thor smiled but didn't call out when Loki called him brother.He was already stressed, teasing him now would not help.  
Loki stood still like a statue, his gaze down while Thor made his customery toast in the honour of guests. Then sank awkwardly down after Thor sat down. He kept his hands on his lap trying to control their nervous shaking. He could not lift his eyes, yet.He had planned on glaring defiantly on every aesir, insulting them at every opportunity.But it would have to come later.Now he had his buzzing emotions to get under control.He heard Thor calling for mead. That also worried him, once Thor was lost to alcohol he will forget about everything.  
' I would be left alone to these vultures to pick on' He thought.He could leave of course. But Thor will stop him, he always did.If I refuse and leave they will know. They will know that I can refuse his command. That Thor has not completed the binding. He was also shocked when he found out, when he refused Thor to go out of the chambers.To anywhere.Yes there was a faint tingle in his mind if Thor's words were phrased as command, but he could refuse.He was not sure if the oaf didn't understand or didn't care. There was no compelling pressure or pain as there should be. He had found the cause soon, he was too clever not to.  
He flinched when a warm hand touched his cheek.Thor was looking at him with concern.  
" You were lost in that pretty head of yours , beloved" Thor said. And then nodded his head to cup in front of him, " drink" he said with imploring eyes, trying to give him strength.  
' I can do this, I have to do this'Loki thought. Picked up the cup and took a large gulp.He whipped his head to Thor ,Shocked at sweet taste. The oaf had served him his favourite mead. Thor smiled him, his eyes saying many things.Loki returned the smile. Then the king turned back to his conversation with guests.  
Loki drank some more.Slowly as he started to feel grounded he started studying the surrounding. He smiled tersely at elven guests, too wound up to make it a smooth gesture. Then started observing others. Nobody on the table spoke directly to him or about him. when their eyes met, they would force indifferent expression. But Loki had mastered reading people for centuries.He could easily read suspicion in Hogun's grim mask, curiosity in volstag's gaze ,the pity in Fandrals eyes.The glare Sif was directing to him was open for all to see.Lastly Odin, as always former king's face was indifferent. But for small amount time Loki could look at him he found mild curiosity and maybe pity in his single eye.Not that Odin would allow his true emotions to surface.  
Suddenly a hand appeared in front of his mouth, " Open" ,he heard Thor say. He opened his mouth dumbly and moaned at the taste of delicious honeycake.  
" You like that?" Thor whispered in his ear, his breath hot on Loki's neck.  
" hmnn" Loki managed. ' What? Is Thor flirting with me, here? in front of.... every one? Why?' He screamed in his mind. He forced himself to pay attention as Thor brought a plate with Two pieces of honeycakes in front of him.  
" You shall eat this.Finish the plate and then you can go back to our chambers." Thor said in his mead addled husky voice.  
I can do that, he thought and nodded. There was strange flutter in his stomach, but Loki forced himself to ignore it.Later, he will think about it later. But eating two pieces of honeycake turned out to be more difficult than he thought. When he was aware everyone was staring at them. The cake turned into sand in his mouth as their gazes bore holes in his body. He thought he saw a smirk on Odin's lips. Thor chatted on as if nothing has happened.  
After what he thought eternity he pushed last piece of cake down with Alfheim's sweet mead. He touched Thor's arm to catch his attention, gulping, trying to force down the nausea.Thor looked back at him, eyes worried.  
" Go rest.I will come back soon" He said.Concerned eyes trying to say more. Loki stood up with years of practiced grace, and left without a word even to his elven friends. As soon as he was out of royal dining hall, he started running, tears now flowing  
freely on his cheeks.  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_  
Thor found him sitting in balcony. staring up at stars. It reminded him Loki's first day out of prison.That had not gone well.Thor braced himself.  
" Loki, ...?" Loki turned towards him.  
" Are you well? Its late, why are you not asleep?" Thor asked, taking in Loki's appearance.His red rimmed eyes, flushed face tear tracks on it. He must have been crying. Loki scrubbed his face with his hands.  
" could not sleep" he said.  
" You remember you came to me whenever you were too afraid to sleep alone? you would sleep in my arms within momemts you entered my bed" Thor said wistfully  
"I was a child.It was long ago" Loki said indignant.He stood up to go inside  
" Oh. I remember you throwing out a beautiful maiden out of my chamber so you can  
sleep in my bed.You were still not of age, but you were no child then" Thor answered with mirth in his voice as he followed his brother.  
" You always chased monsters away from me. Its easy to sleep with your heartbeats.", Loki said ." I should have known I was the monster to be feared!" He added sitting on edge of bed.  
" No. You are my little brother. And anyone who hurts you is a monster.I will always protect you ,you know that, right? " Thor held his hand looking in his eyes earnest.  
" Yes, I know. I should thank you"  
" No.don't thank me.I am the one who forced you in this ...mess!"  
" Its fine Thor. Today was a good day.Far better than I would have in my cell. I was happy or as happy as I can be" Loki smiled wanly.  
" Loki can we sleep tonight like...like we used to? It always helped you to rest " Thor asked.  
" I don't know, I am not sure if I can,Thor" Loki was nervous,scared even.  
" I don't mean like that.I won't touch you,Loki. Just the barricade, I really don't like it .You can sleep away from me, you know." Thor was pleading ?  
Loki thought about it for some time, then nodded as if to himself. "Okay " He said.  
When Thor layed on the bed after washing and dressing down to his bottoms, he noted there was no barricade.Loki was lying on his side face turned away. They talked like this, easy old banter they have perfected over centuries that required no concious thought.  
Thor on his back, his hand behind back of his head,Loki also had turned to stare up the ceiling.  
" They are enjoying" Loki whispered as if to himself.  
" Uh?" Thor enquired " Who?"  
" Everyone. Aesir! They like to see me like this. Bound to you, controlled by you.They are happy to see the jotun monster reduced to a plaything" Loki ranted, anger evident in voice.  
" Don't Loki. Don't do this to yourself.I am trying.You know I am useless in talking. I don't know how to ease your pain." Thor turned to assure Loki, to do something!  
At the same time, hearing anguish in his voice, Loki also turned to assure him that it was not Thor's fault.  
They turned to each other at same time, face to face... in each other's personal space. Their noses bumped, wide green eyes stared into shocked electric blue.Then somebody, malybe Thor, maybe Loki, moved a little forward causing their lips touch.Warm and bitter with mead touched sweet and cool. For a moment or less than it they stayed,eyes fluttering close.  
Suddenly Loki jerked back, causing Thor's eyes to open wide.Loki shot up.  
" I..I am sorry.I didn't mean to Loki" Thor stuttered looking at Loki's back.  
" Its fine. Just an accident." Loki said a shudder could be seen flowing through his body from where Thor layed.  
" an accident?" Thor asked confused and then amended thoughtfully, " Ah yes. Accident! Of course! Come now lay down.We have big day tomorrow"  
Loki layed down but facing away from Thor.  
" The treaty with Alfheim" ,he said.  
" Yes" Thor agreed.They layed in silence for some time..  
But Loki's mind was in frenzy. What was this? The almost kiss! The funny fluttering in his stomach whenever Thor looked at him with approval.Was he attracted to Thor.Or was it effect of enchanted ring.He always had thought Thor had a good body, nice face,and stupid but kind mind.. But he never had entertained such thoughts about his brother.Thor was not his brother now, was he? He was expected to do such things. Was this gratitude ? for freeing him. No. This was certainly something else.The ring was not fully active yet. If..if Thor completes the enchantment, would he feel more? Would he be mindlessly attracted to his master? Would he have any power to reject his advances or would he beg for it?  
And Why was Thor doing this.The flirting, the lingered touches, the soft assuarance.Was this pity? Was this a plan to keep him docile, while Thor fullfill the enchantment. To keep him compliant, ready to accept the control, To avoid him fighting the.. the physical act to complete the spell.Was this a part of elaborate plan? Nah, the oaf was too hounerable for that.Was Thor attracted to him? No, he never had lain with a man before, not to Loki's knowledge.He can't be attracted to Loki, he had mocked him enough in their childhood.There was no attraction, that Loki was sure of.Maybe Odin had done something,some threat or a spell? But it doesn't feel like Odin.. he won't do this to Thor, his own ..  
" Loki, I can hear you thinking! sleep now" said the groggy voice behind him. Loki felt a tingle at direct order, but it was not enough to force him to sleep. He turned to look at Thor. The oaf was turned towards him , smiling with his eyes closed.  
" Come here" Thor said extending his arms. Loki went willingly.He didn't know why.. He didn't know how he forgot all his doubts.He didn't know when he fell asleep hearing Thors heartbeat.  
The moonlight entering through the window had lit the bed with two figures entangled with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be around Sunday


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is forced to complete the binding spell.  
> Warning: non concensual drug use  
> Grafic sex between two men I can't tell if it's  
> dub-con or non-con.... please clarify after reading  
> I have put warning before and after the scene but I would like you to read it.Its not disgusting,I promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read the marked scene please give me some feedback, I am a little sceptical about it

Loki was not nervous, not at all. It was just a simple meeting afterall. The reforms in the treaty were already finalized. Just Thors seal was remaining. but Odin will be there today, he may have skipped negotions being former king and all, he would attend the final day. It was needed to ascertain his position as chief of council. Thor argued that he might not come since this is a minor treaty, easy in comparison. He will be more interested in staying in hildsjkalf rooms as he had been since stepping down from the throne. But Loki knew how manipulative minds worked,he had been there. Odin will appear to sign the treaty only to ensure that other realms know that he still has power. Thor, tne naive oaf thinks his father is helping him in settling in the role of king, taking his burdens for him. Loki didn't argue.  
Thor was absent for a half of the day, off to hunt with his elven guests! It was his idea , to take them on hunt ,as if it was some kind of honour.Maybe it was. It was Thor's way to say 'I like you' , Loki knew it very well, Thor only took his favourite people on adventures. Loki was once one of them!  
So here he was, wearing bottle green tunic with golden work around the hem, On that he added black leather coat with brown fur lining and black breaches. It was one of his outfit s from old days he just replaced his cape with leather coat with assymetrical cut. He was still in front of mirror worrying his lower lip, when Thor came out from bath.  
" Aren't you sight to behold?"  
Looking back Loki saw Thor coming out of baths,he was drying himself there all in his naked glory.. Thor was never, shy of his body unlike him. why would he, he was perfect.  
" Aren't you?" Loki quipped making him laugh.  
" Um, Thor?"  
" Hmm?" Thor answered behind the shirt he was wearing.  
" I was wondering .." Loki went to help him with his leather armour. Thor waited for him to continue.  
" Can I get a, I mean my hair is quite long and its pain to take care of and I never had it this long..."  
" Are you complaining about length of your hair? Why?  
" Because I need your permission to cut it" Loki said.  
" What? Loki why would you. You can do whatever you like, its your hair!" Thor was appalled.  
" Its in the rules of my concubinage, Thor. You decide my appearance. As I represent you in public's eye I have to wear clothing and jwellary of your choice. I also have to eat what you allow and keep my body as to your liking" Thor was reddening with every statement. He held Loki's face in his both hands as to forcing him to focus,said,  
" Norns Loki, you know I don't do such things.You can do whatever you like. I like your hair I mean,its soft and shiny and and I love the smell but thats not relevant.If you want short hair, you can have it so!" Trying to stare in his mind with those blue blue eyes.  
Loki nodded and without a word helped him finish dressing. Then wordlessly, they both left for conference hall. They entered inside and Loki follwed Thor as The king was greeted and showed respect.Loki was ignored mostly. suddenly Loki became aware of the tense surrounding. He looked up to see Odin was glaring at him from his seat. He felt his stomach drop.  
" Thor, what is your concubine doing here?" He asked in his reprimanding voice.Loki knew what that voice did to thor, to anyone. Within moment Thor will be be begging for forgiveness. He will be striving to please his father.  
" Father, please. Loki is just.." Thor stuttered. As expected...Loki thought.  
" Yes.He is just a concubine.His place is in your bed not with These intelligent ambassadors!" Odin boomed. Loki's face turned red with humiliation.The air in hall thickened with upcoming... whatever was to come!  
" Father, please. He has served as diplomat for centuries. He was the one who helped us to finalize this treaty" Thor tried.  
" Only way I want him to serve is for your pleasure.I was hoping you will stop giving him opportunities for scheming and harming anyone!" Odin's tone broke no place for argument . Loki's could not hear what Thor said over the ringing in his ears. It was getting difficult to draw breath into his chest.The Room was getting congested as air was turning into thick cloud of fog.Loki needed to get out, else he was going to make fool of himself.  
He mumbled something about going back to chambers and walked to the doors. He heard Thor calling him to 'stop'.It caused tingle somewhere in his hazy mind, and his step faltered.But he held himself again and walked out.  
Thor wanted to go behind Loki as soon as he left.He didn't look well. Thor looked at All father to excuse himself.But the old god looked lost in thought, as if he hadn't expected this to be the outcome. His father was always blind to how his words hurt others. But then he said,  
" Very well, Lets get this over with. Thor ,sign the thing and be done with it"  
Thor could do that, then he will go back to Loki. So He signed the documents,sealed it. Completed the formalities and sent the guests away with a dinner invitation as soon as he could. As he was about to leave, his father said.  
" My son, a word!" He noted that room was empty except two of them now.  
" Yes father?"  
" About earlier, I would like to apologise.I should have trusted your judgement." Thor gaped, ' Was his father apologising?'  
" Father, you need to understand, Loki means no harm.."  
"Tell me Thor, have you completed the enchantment?" Odin asked. Thor looked away.  
" Today, you ordered him to stop, yet he went out. Its clear that the enchantment is not fulfilled. What will the people think when they find out And they will... I am sure. The diplomats who were present here are not fools,Thor. What will you do when someone challange your authority to keep him?" Thor looked horrified.  
He didn't want to discuss this.not with his father.  
" Father, I can't do this to him"  
" That is why I had given you one year. Tell me have you read the rules of this concubinage? I know the council has sent you a copy" Thor looked at floor.  
" I am sure Loki has known the rules by heart now. He also knows that if you don't take him to bed within a year, and Let me quote,' if he fails his duty to give you pleasure he will be freed of the enchantment and will be sent back to his cell' Yet he has not been penetrated by you.You have wasted months.I am sure he is bidding his time, planning escape. Once the year has passed nothing can control him!" Odin said as if he was discussing war strategy.  
" He is planning nothing. Why can't you think about him for once"  
" Then why has he not done his duty to you? He is manipulating you by playing innocent" Odin raged  
" I will not force myself on my brother" Thor screamed in frustation.  
" You should have thought that before asking for this." Odin raised his voice. Then suddenly he came closer, gritted in threatening tone, " Listen well ,boy. If I don't find the enchantment complete by tomorrow, that little cur will be dragged back to the cell where he belongs. " With that Odin left.  
Thor sat down,defeated.Head in his hands.In the end, he didn't go back to his chambers, untill night fell over the palace.Before that he went to meet the healer in late evening, and asked for aphrodisiacs.Eir being old school professional, didn't ask any questions to her king. But handed him a vial and said, " This has a sweet taste,my king!"  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_  
By the time Loki was back in their chambers,he still was stunned in shock.As soon as he noticed that he is in his bed chamber, he fell on the bed, crying in earnest. He could not think clearly over raging cyclone of emotions that was his mind. All he understood was one moment he was hopeful, happy and next he was not.. He didn't want to think what Thor said, why Odin did this to him , what was he going to do now,... every thought would jumble with other.So he just cast a simple spell to make himself to sleep. sleep was good, sleep means no thought, no pain.  
When he woke up, The sky was dark outside of window. He felt his stomach rumble with hunger. Going to dining halls was out of question so he went out to call for his meals.But there was already a plate of meat and a pitcher of mead waiting on table. 'Thor must have brought it' he thought. He drank his honeyed mead and ate the deers meat probably from hunt this morning. As his stomach started filling he noticed that the taste of the drink was different. It was sweet obviously but sweeter than normal. There was another sweet flavour than honey to it with a herbal tinge to it. He smelled the glass but could not decipher what it was. Maybe somebody accidentally dropped something in it. Still he stopped drinking and went inside to read.  
As some time passed he started feeling restless and warm,he never feels warm. He went in bathing room, took a cool bath, took care of little problem down there. And then felt a little better. As he was getting ready to sleep, Thor entered and stopped in the middle of chamber, staring at him.  
" Thor?" He asked in confusion.  
" Loki, how are you? "  
" I am good now. don't worry, I ..I am going to sleep. You coming? "  
" I... Did you eat?" did you drink the ale?" Thor asked instead.  
" Yes. The deer was delicious.but ale was off, it tasted weird!" Loki answered.  
" Weired? So you didn't drink it? " Thor asked.  
" I did. but only half of it. I didn't like its taste, It was sweet,but different sweet than my sweet. I like honey sweet and it was like fruity sweet, I mean there was honey sweet into it but I didn't like the added sweet.." He saw Thor gaping at him and added, "Am I making any sense? I will stop talking now, I think" his face warmed with blush  
" Yes. You are very sweet when you are this drunk" Thor said coming near him.  
" Drunk? I am not drunk.I only drank..uh" suddenly Thors mouth was on his ,and they were kissing. Loki had thought how kissing Thor would feel, and this was better! Thor nipped at his lip making him moan in the kiss, and pushed his tongue in his mouth.At the same time, Thor held a supporting hand on his back, other hand lost in his hair. And norns below, that sent shivers to Loki's spine. They stayed like that, Thor exploring his mouth, Loki's tongue teasing,fighting his. When they came away for breath, It was like coming out of water. Thor's body was on fire with need and Loki was still in daze. Thor pushed him towards bed and started again to kiss him slowly down from his jaw to neck to the shoulder. All coherent thought left Loki until he felt Thor fidgeting with the strings of his nightshirt. Red damn it, The seamstress had forced him to take red silk nightclothes. Red was Thor's colour, and now Thor was removing that red night shirt.  
" Wha...what are you?" He managed.  
" Shh, let me take care of you." Thor competely removed his shirt,and stared at him. And his stare made Loki squirm.He was about to open his mouth, to ask him to speak, to tell, to touch...to do something when Thor's callous thumb caressed his nipple. Loki scrambled back on bed.Thor followed. Touching, kissing nipping,... sucking, leaving litany of marks on the path of his mouth.And Oh...Loki was lost in there somewhere! When he was aware again, it was due to loss of Thor! Thor removed his armour and then his shirt, Eyes never leaving Loki. Suddenly, Loki understood, what was happening. What they were doing. Thor came back to him about to kiss again  
" Thor, what are you doing? Are you cursed?"  
Loki asked. holdind a hand to stop Thor.  
" No. I am not cursed ." he answered huskily.  
" Then why are you doing this. You are not like this. You don't want this.You don't even like men Thor!"  
" It is what I want Loki, I have always wanted this. You... I have always loved you" Thor said looking earnestly into his eyes.Loki scrambled away. Thor held onto his wrist.  
" No what sick game is this. You can't do this Thor, you are not.. norns, did your friends made a bet? I thought you would never ask me this. I thought you'd never do this. Am I really to be your pleasure slave? Did Odin forced you to do this. Why are you doing this?" Loki could not read Thor's face... why he could not read Thor's face?.Usually the oaf was open book to him. What was he thinking.  
" Why I am doing this does not matter. I am doing this, now. Come here." Thor pulled Loki's hand pulling him down on bed again. And immediately started to kiss him. But this time Loki's eyes remained wide as he tried to fight the blond off.

-*-*-*warning starts -*-*-*

As he pushed Thor's mouth away, turning as he did so,Thor tried to suck on his neck. They wressled, Loki trying to get up and push him away.After some moments,it ended with Loki on his back panting, his hands pinned above his head in Thor's one hand. They stayed like that, staring at each other. But as the strings of his bottoms opened, Loki understood, he was the only fool busy with staring in Thor's eyes. Thor's blown with lust, blue blue eyes!With a flash Loki's pants were gone, and suddenly a silk fabric was wrapped around his wrists.  
" What " Loki tried to turn to see what was happening. By the time he understood, his hands were bound, with his own nightpants! He tried to move his hands, it wouldn't budge. He was effectively bound ,and naked and with Thor... As the realisation hit him, his eyes widened.dread started curling in his stomach,  
" Thor please, don't do this, We are brothers Thor, we don't want this. I don't want this, you... you don't do such things. Thor, brother you are a good man... please Thor, Stop and think , You will regret this tomorrow.. " Thors eyes widened somewhat, his expression pained.But again his face closed,  
" It matters not. We will have to do this, I will make it pleasurable for you. just let me, brother lay back and let me take care of you" With that he dived down to kiss Loki, who squirmed under him trying to think about his words.' We have to do this? Why would he say'...And suddenly Thor's hand found his manhood. With all things happening in his mouth and down there, Loki lost that thought.. Thor gave few slow jerks to his penis, caressed the head feeling the small slit with his thumb. Loki's hips jerked forward. Thor now had left his mouth to lick and suck at his nipple.Lokis mouth opened in silent scream as the sudden pleasure hit him! Thors hand left his cock, causing him whine. But then there were teeth on his sensetive nipple.Sending waves of passion in his body. Suddenly Thors finger was in his folds. testing touching opening.. They looked at each other in shock.  
Thor had known about jotun biology. It was famous gossip between warriors. Getting between jotuns legs was a hot topic in taverns, but that was it... drunken tales.. But when he knew about his brother's true parentage, he had read all the books he could get on jotuns. But to read and to see are two different things. So when he felt soft hairless folds below Lokis manhood he was shocked. He sat up and spread the other' s legs, to look. And what a glorious sight it was.. below Loki's long and hard penis instead of balls there was a fold of pale flesh .He opened it with thumb and finger sending a shiver in his captives body. He touched the clitoris as proud as Loki once was, and held it in two fingers.Loki tried to move away. A hoarse prayer of " No no no .." falling out his now swollen lips. " Thor, please .. don't do this, not this..no please", he started begging as his heart was gripped with wild panic.His voice was lowered to a muttering whisper, as the king had started to rub his most sensetive part. Loki's eyes blurred with tears.  
Thor touched his cheek with gentle hand, wiping the tear and said,  
" Shh I know , sweetheart.I know. I am taking care of you,baby! Its going to be better..You are so beautiful ,Loki even down here.what a wonderful sight you are" He kept toching, caressing and pulling the treasure between Loki's legs.  
Soon the protest died down as pleasure took over. As Thor's fingers felt wet, he pushed one finger in.Loki cried out in pain  
" What happened love, you don't like it?" Thor pulled the finger out. Loki shook his head , eyebrows pulled in frown.Thor stared at him,  
" Loki, have you... has someone..are you a maiden.. I mean,have you ever.." Thor seemed scared  
Loki rolled his eyes. He hardly was simpering maiden. He had lived for centuries by the nine.Visiting other realms as diplomat, as prince,off course he was experienced.Faradei called him beast! But it had been long time since..he was touched in there. It was as if he was closed!  
" No you oaf, your finger is calloused and dry.It burns! " He answered.  
" Oh, you want something soft and not dry...wet?" Thor said as if to himself. He looked thoughtfully at him, at his quim and went head first down. As his tongue swirled inside the folds, arround his clit Loki moaned low in throat."Better? " Thor asked without looking up, And Loki wished his hands were free, to push him back.' What is happening to me, why am i so aroused? what is this?' he tried to think as Thor' licked and sucked and did everything he didn't know could feel so wonderfull.And oh...how wonderful it felt!  
Thor was lost in the sweet nector of object of his fantacy, His one hand Loki's cock, other on his thigh to hold him in place, Loki was now lost in pleasure. Trying to stiffle his moans, on biting his lips, Loki couldn't take it when Thor's tongue nudged at his enternce.  
" Thooor, I _I can't.."  
" Its okay love, I am here, Shh let go!" With that Thor opened his pants and gave his cock a couple of strokes . Loki's eyes bulged seeing the girth of it..Thor moved down and kissed him again sucking his lower lip in tenderly, softly saying, " Don't fear, I will not hurt you" against his mouth. Then slowly he started entering his lover, at the same time kissing his jawline. His hand still held Loki's member loosely. At Lokis pained hiss, he pressed his hand on it giving the half hard thing a tug. Then pushed some more, moving his hand on smaller mans slender cock , slowly,causing it to harden more!  
Loki was tight, very much so.And his thickness didn't help. The sheer joy of having Loki like this, whimpering and moaning with pleasure, his manhood embedded deep in the sweet spot that was Loki's, It was too much for Thor.Oh, how he had dreamed this,but this was beyond those dreams and some more. He needed to control his urges, He needed to care for Loki. So with one hand on bed to balance him, other touching Loki's cock, he pushed himself deeper in the hole. Then slowly, he pulled out and went again... still in controlled pace.After a moment Loki whined trying to push his hips up,  
" Can you handle some more love?" he asked.  
"Yes.. please ..thor" that was all he needed to hear, He pulled his cock out and thrust back in till the hilt. Loki could not stop his moan. he gained a speed with slow deliberate thrusts. Loki responded each with a delicious sound. As he fucked Loki into oblivion, he himself was lost to passion, his thrusts were fast and deep now with a force that, only thunder god could manage. He kept his hand on Loki's cock holding it in loose fist, pressing once or twice.As he neared his peak , pushing Loki up with each thrust, smaller man's head almost bumping into headboard, his bound hands were only cushion he had between his head and wooden headboard. Every thrust causing deep "uh" from Loki's throat and he was loving the sounds of it. He closed his eyes , when he finally came like a storm inside his brother.. He stayed there even after spending himself completely,marvelling at the beautiful creature under him And in quick pumps dragged Loki to orgasm, He spilling his seed between them with a silent scream. Thor then took himself out and layed there, staring at roof. After a while, he sat up and freed Loki's hands.

-*-*-*end of warning-*-*-*-*-

Loki layed in haze as Thor left to disappear into bathing chamber. He hardly registered when he came back, and started cleaning him with a warm cloth. He pulled the furs on the smaller man and said with a smile  
" Sleep my love, you can kill me tomorrow! " Loki blinked when the direct command caused a a tingle,more forcefull as enchantment took place. Then he sighed as his eyes fluttered close. Thor joined him in bed with a kiss on his forehead.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki tries to kill Thor..twice!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people. Some of you have asked me for Loki's angry reaction. So here it is.  
> I can't know how human mind works, forget Loki's mind ! But I have some ideas. When you have contact only with your captor/master some Stockholm syndrome is bound to happen. What do you all think? And he has no one except Thor there.... This we will discuss in later chapters. Give me ideas.

Loki woke to a streaming sunlight in late morning.He sat up, trying to wipe away sleep from his eyes.He was still too dazed with sleep when he heard a voice,  
" You are awake.Good I have called for breakfast.You must be hungry" ,Thor was standing in threshold of their outer chamber. Loki blinked in confusion.Why was Thor back so early, or did he miss sparring? Breakfast was Loki's responsibility, why was Thor doing it? Something was wrong.... And then memories of previous night hit him.He must have moved because suddenly his lower parts were throbbing painfully, It confirmed that it was not a dream.  
Sudden white hot rage engulfed him and he threw his feet down from the bed.  
" You! " he was about to charge at Thor who had entered inside and closed the door behind him, in the face of upcoming confrontation.Loki had forgot that his legs were still tangled in furs. He started falling, arms flailing wildly about to hit facedown on floor. Suddenly, strong arms catched him mid-fall.  
Thor held wild eyed Loki close to his chest. The anger in his eyes has subsided in the wake of sudden fall, and Thors proximity. Thor lowered him to ground and carefully untangled his feet.Loki stood up and stumbled back his legs hitting bed, away from Thor!  
" I will kill you" Loki screamed and searched for the dagger he kept in drawers.  
This was serious. Loki would not miss the mark if he was angry enough to kill him. Thor had had time to think about this. There was no easy way of doing this.He had already hurt his brother and now he had to hurt him some more.He could only hope for Forgivenes, He would work for it his whole life.But now he had to do this.  
" Stop , Loki" He shouted, in his warrior voice.Loki's arm stopped mid-air where he was about to throw the dagger. His eyes widened, understanding dawning in them.  
" We will put this away first" with that Thor removed dagger from his hand and kept it aside. He folded Loki's arm as if he was a doll and picked him up. Loki was glaring at him when he set him down on bed.  
" You should dress now" Thor said in soft tone and picked up silk pants from where he had discarded them prior night. He then gently tugged at Loki's legs and made him wear the pants.He avoided Loki's eyes as well as certain areas where he had previously taken interest in. After that he knelt in front of Loki. As if to worship him or to apologise. He took Loki's both hands in his and caressed them with thumbs .Loki jerked his hands away and hissed ,  
" Don't touch me!"  
Thor held his hands up in surrender, but stayed in his place.  
" Okay.Lets get this over with" Thor said.  
" What.What are you doing. You are fool if you think I would ever..."  
" Stop talking." Thor said causing Loki's mouth to click shut in mid sentence. " You will listen carefully what I am going to say." He added.Loki was glaring daggers at him, but could do nothing. Thor felt a pang of guilt in his chest.  
" Loki, I am commanding you the basic rules. You will follow my instructions with keeping the intended purpose in mind.  
You will not harm me or mine in any way. You will not find loopholes so that harm can come to me or mine. You will protect me from harm if you can.  
You will not try to find a way to remove the ring nor you will try to escape or run away from me.  
If my two order are in contradiction with each other, most recent will hold precedence unless mine or your safety is at stake.In such case you will ask me to clarify.  
You can use your seidr and speak your mind abiding these rules. Do you understand? Nod if you do"  
Loki's eyes were wide and glazed over as the enchantment started taking place.Yet he managed to nod shakily. A tremor ran through his body ,and he shivered.Thor wished he could hug and chase his fears away.But touching Loki was out of questions now. He was still looking despondent when Thor stood up and said,  
" You can speak now"  
" Can I? Do you really want to hear me? Don't you want me all silent and doing your bidding. Happy now that you have full control over me? Odin would be proud of you.Have you told him that you made me your bitch? How would you like me today master, A good fuck before the day starts or a fellatio is in order? " He was screaming by now. Thor was standing still near window facing outward.He turned ,  
" Please ,Loki..."  
" No need to plead, mighty King.I will do anything with a single word. Who am I to deny you?, I am just a pleasure slave! "  
" Loki. I would never again touch you like that..not without your consent.You know it brother!"  
" So last night was one time exception. A duty so that I would be controlled properly.Sacrifice you made so that the monster will remain bound ! I shall thank you then master, at least you made it bearable for me.How noble of you!" Loki said with so much venom that every word was like a dagger to his heart.  
" Loki Please understand, I had to this. They would have sent you back.I would have lost you, brother. I promise you that I will live my whole life making up for last night" Thor was so anguished that he was not sure how he was still talking and not sobbing at Loki's feet.  
" You promised me you will not hurt me, yet you did! So keep your promises to yourself. Get out, and don't show me your face." Loki hissed. when Thor was too dumbfounded to move, he screamed, "Get out!"  
Thor left. Loki fell on bed crying. The tastefully arranged breakfast in outer chamber remained untouched.  
Loki spent his day in melancholy refusing to meet anyone. When Thor tried to talk to him in afternoon , He got up and went into bathing chambers.' Let him order me to come out!' he thought and sat brooding in bath. When he came out in evening, Thor was gone. He sat near window, angrily decided he wouldn't cry like a woman. Even after being raped and kept like a woman, he thought bitterly. He started thinking, he would try some way to escape this situation,he was clever enough. But as soon as the word escape came into his mind, a loud ringing started in his ears, his breath coming too quickly too short, his brain had gone hazy. the enchantment, prevented him from thinking clearly.He sat there, staring mindlessly out of the window.For how long he didn't know.But when he came back to his mind, Thor was staring down at him with worried face. The day had darkened out in the window.  
" Are you all right" Thor asked.  
" Go away Thor" He was tired,too tired for this now. Thor seemed to understand.  
" Very well. Alfhein's delegation departed. Faradei has left a letter for you,here" Thor gave an envelope to him.  
" Am I allowed to read it then, master?" Loki could not let go the temptation to at least one snide remark. Thor sighed.  
" Yes you can..Then you will eat and sleep. You look as if an army of bigelsnipes trampled over you. You need rest" He said firmly. Loki felt the tingle of command taking place.  
'" Of course, master" He sneered.  
" I am sorry ,Loki but I know you will not be able to rest tonight if I don't command you"Thor tried.  
" Everything done to me has always been for my wellbeing . How fitting! " Loki whispered feeling sudden fatigue. Thor didn't argue with him. He left.  
Loki sat on the bed and opened the letter, Lighting a candle with seidr, he started reading.

Hey beast,

We have to leave. Frida and Alfie even Feldon wished to see you before going, but we understand that you are little under the weather as your thunderer excused.  
I have always loved you, and whatever condition I find you next time it is not going to change. For being a whining baby who cries about ' how nobody loves me' you have always been blind to the the love you have. Jokes aside,You are really dumb when someone loves you. I know you have had difficult life, and you are scared even to be loved.You fear that love given to you will turn out to be a lie or it will be taken away, whichever is the case.In this fear you forget to reciprocate and hold youself back. Slowly, the person who loves you steps back, wounded by your thorny shield. And you cry more, as you think you were right in not trusting them. Don't deny, you know its true.  
So, why don't you concetrate on your feelings rather than others'?Why don't you love freely without any reservations? Its not like you have a dignity to preserve now.Don't glare, I know you will be thinking far worse things about yourself ! Just once in life ,Give your love without care, beast.Give it to your king or to a stableman or to me, whomever you like! Don't think about consequences.. because worst has already happened.( If you choose me, just let me know. I am more than ready. But for a genuine love, not just a tumble this time)  
I wish you will see the love you have and stop crying for the one you don't have. I wish you opened your eyes.  
Remember our heartbreaks are caused by our disappointments when our expectations are not fulfilled.  
"You always have a place in our hearts, nomatter if you are a prince or king or menace or concubine! Take care"_ Says Frida.  
I am praying that we meet again. Don't go insane till then,  
Always in love with you  
Faradei  
son of Delfie.

Loki took a shuddering breath and kept the letter aside.He didn't understood anything Faradei had written. What love has to do with his situation.Yet He knew Faradei was trying to tell him something. His puzzles were Loki's favourite games. he would understand what the elf wanted him to. but not now. He was too tired now.  
He got up as the tingle of the command pushed him to move out. He found a boul of thick soup and a piece of honeycake on the table. He ate mindlessly. and was surprised that the food was accurately enough to feel full. Not that surprised, because he always ate moderate amounts.But whenever a meal was arranged by servants with a quantity to feed an army, he used to get irritated. Maybe Thor has was being thoughtful. As his thoughts turned to his brother his mind went on rollercoaster ride. He felt betrayed,hurt, confused and even happy for some reason.Why did he respond to Thor's attentions? Why was he so aroused? This was another puzzle to solve now. He didn't realise as he went to bed and fell asleep as the spell forced him.  
Next day when Thor came back after his morning spar, he was greeted by chaos. The bedchamber was destroyed completely. Torn and broken pieces of furniture were revoling in air forming small tornedo. Loki sat in middle looking dishelved,his eyes held mad glint. The bedcloths and curtains had joined the tornedo in pieces. Thor was too stunned to talk.  
With a wave Loki made the things fall on floor, with clatter. " The mead...It was drugged, wasn't it?. What did you give me?"  
" I..I am sorry,Loki.I had no other option. I didn't want this to be forced..but Father.."  
" What was in that mead?", Loki was not in mood to hear excuses.  
" Aphrodisiac. in small amount, and you drank only half of it.. Please Loki.Try to understand"  
"You drugged me! " Loki was so angry that he didn't even notice as the dagger appeared in his hand and he moved to stab Thor.It happened so fast that Thor barely ducked out of the way due to years of practice. When he got up ready for next attack,he found Loki on floor. His brother was lying on his side, panting hard. Thor went to him,  
" Brother " Loki sat up, cradling his right hand to his chest.  
" Show me your hand" Thor was worried but suddenly Loki's hand was in front of his face. The palm was red with some blisters forming. His expression was pained.  
" Wha. .what happened?" Thor could not understand.  
" You ordered me to show my hand, your majesty!" Loki said through the teeth.  
" Oh. I didn't mean to.But what is wrong with your hand? Why its burnt?" Loki stared at him as if he has grown another head.  
" You don't understand.You really don't know, right. Why would you, things are always turned in your favour... Odin made sure of that! He even brought a jotun pet home so that his golden son can shine bright!"  
" Loki,we will talk about this later.But you are hurt, I am calling Eir"  
" Don't you dare. I promise I will kill your loyal healer even if I am burn myself to ash.She gave you the drug , right?"  
Thor was clearly distressed, but didn't answer the question. Instead he said,  
" Fine. Just tell me what is wrong with your hand" Loki snarled as the enchantment took place at direct order. Thor fidgeted.  
" As you command,my king. My hand is burnt because I tried to kill you against your order.You have commanded me not to harm you, but I defied your order so the ring's enchantment has punished me causing pain.What better way than heat to hurt a frost giant? Your father is indeed most cunning in his methods."  
" Norns, Loki.He is your father too.I will talk to him, and find a way through this.He is angry yes but he would not want to torture you like this"  
Loki thinned his lips and turned away.He didn't want this argument now. If the oaf want to forget that the enchantment was designed by his father, let him!  
" You are hurting brother, if you don't want a healer, at least heal yourself" Thor said.Loki didnot move.  
" Heal your hand Loki" At the firm words Loki's eyes widened.He tried to glare as the spell worked to force him. Then he held his hand in front of his face. He grimaced in pain as. his seidr started working. Then whimpered and lied down again. Thor panicked as he started writhing in pain.  
" Wha..what?"  
" Healing immediately is painfull you fool. make it st..stop.." Loki cursed his magic and Thor's stupidity.  
" All right, stop stop the pain.Norns,I am sorry brother.I will be careful . I need to work on our communication" Thor was so worried that he forgot that he was holding Loki's now healed hands. Loki snatched them back.He looked exausted.  
" You should rest ,brother.I will send some food later. " with that, Thor almost ran out of there.

_@_@_@_@_@_

Thor started speaking carefully, phrasing his wishes as questions to Loki.Yet ,days had became more than difficult. Whenever he could, Loki threw insults and taunts to Thor. He would rage on for hours until it was difficult to breathe or untill Thor commaded him to shut up.Thor took it all patiently to Loki's surprise..In old days, Loki would have been lying dead for how many times he couldn't say.Yet it did nothing to calm his anger. Instead Thor's refusal to argue ignited his rage more. He wanted blood, He could kill the king with his bare hands. But the oaf had commanded against harming him so the words was only his options. And he used his words viciously.He was not called silvertongue for nothing. But All the taunts and raged rants were of no value.He felt no satisfaction when his words would cause pain on Thors face. The anguish on his master's face did nothing to quell the burning rage in his chest.  
The anger would be follwed by melancholy. As soon as Thor left, he would cry bitter tears untill he couldn't anymore. and then he would sit or lay there doing nothing, feeling nothing. He would spend his days staring at space numbly. Some days, he would do nothing, will eat or bath only when Thor commanded. Those days seemed to pass in daze.He would snap at servants even at Thor for no reason. Sometimes he would think,that Thor is also stuck in this with him. He is also suffering, though very silently. But Loki could not bring himself to forgive him. He always felt the bubbling rage in the chest, whenever he saw Thor. Thor was the reason for all his pain, his misery.Thor was worthy when Loki was disappointment. Thor was adored , Loki was shunned.Thor was the sunlight, golden heir, while Loki was a shadow, just a trickster. Thor was true son,loved by all, Loki was just a stolen relic,abandoned by his own... And so Loki kept the anger alive.  
Thor had tried to talk to him many times. Once he said,  
" I want you to be happy Loki" his eyes pleading.  
" Then why don't you command me to. Because I don't think I can be happy in this life otherwise" ,Loki snapped.  
As holding civil conversation with each other became difficult ,Thor started to avoid him. He would go out to spar while Loki was still sleeping and come back late in night,long after Loki was asleep.He would order servants to bring food for his brother or draw baths on regular basis. If the servants reported him that Loki has not eaten or moved and done anything,he would return in the middle of day with some food, always Loki's favourites. He would command him to eat. Then draw a bath and make him to take one.All the while trying to ignore Lokis snide remarks and hurtful comments. He would itch to take Loki in his arms, hug him and tell him 'its okay, stop fighting now. let go.' But he never did that. He didn't even touch Loki anymore. He knew that his touch was not welcome.He knew that before that wretched night Loki had started to trust him again,had started to smile and he has betrayed that trust. That betrayal has turned his sweet Loki into this. And that guilt was killing Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I can't thank you enough for all the support you have given me. Writing has been the dream I could never chase, but you lovely people have made me believe that I can write some good things. So keep reading and telling me if I am doing this right!  
> I am open to constructive criticism, as it helps me improve.  
> Again your comments and kudos are best things happen to me in my boring days. So keep reaching out. ,Love❤️


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: grafic description of panic attack from the  
> view of affected person.

Months passed without speaking with each other, except for commands to eat, sleep and bath. Gradually Loki had stopped his raging.He didn't even taunt the king now.What was the point.He could not even think about escaping,let alone plotting for it. As he thought about his hopeless situation, something in him snapped. There was no point in fighting, he could not win. He was stuck into lifetime of slavery. Asgard had never appreciated him ,he was a lesser prince then.Now he was just a plaything for their king, a charity project Odin had first picked up from jotunheim, Thor later had taken up from dungeons.As these thoughts took hold of his mind, he let go his anger, his pain, everything. He was just a plaything.He was a disappointment, a traitor, murderer he had no right to freedom! This was his punishment, for not dying as his birthright was.He was nothing! He stopped thinking,he stopped eating,reading, doing anything ..he stopped living. He would lay there staring at nothing.He only moved when Thor commanded.  
" Loki ,you are awake.get up from the bed",Loki did.  
"Loki eat! ,he did.  
" Loki take bath! "he layed in bath tub.  
"Loki wash yourself properly!",he did. " "Loki,change in these clothes! Loki sit! Loki sleep!", He followed every order, in listless manner.The anger was still there, somewhere deep.He refused to communicate with Thor without command.  
" Loki , look at me, please" Thor begged one day. Dull green eyes lifted to his face.There was no life in Loki, there was no Loki in that living corpse. Thor sometimes wished the anger to be back. He could not live with this shadow of his once intelligent, mischievous brother.

_@_@_@_@_@_

One day, Loki woke up to voices. He pretended to be asleep.  
" Its not common in Aesir, or even in jotuns from what I read. This is more severe than I thought at first" That was Eir's voice.  
" What do I do,Eir? He wouldn't speak to me. He won't even eat without being ordered. You see how thin he is. I don't know how to calm his anger. What should I do so that he will accept my apology?" Thor's voice was filled with misery . They were silent for a long time.  
' How many times I was poked and prodded by healers in my sleep' Loki thought angrily. He was about to ask when Eir spoke,  
" He needs to eat and drink more.A little walk in open air would also help. Its good that he sleeps enough. Keep making him sleep at the same time.A routine is a good thing. Reading might reduce his listlessness but he seems to be refusing it. I have renewed the calming runes and healing charms around here.I am afraid that's all we can do now."  
" This is it.This is my punishment for my iignorance aand foolish brazen confidence.I am loosing the one person I have ever loved the most.And I am loosing him slowly, every day! How will I live without him ,Eir?" Thor cried.  
" My king, I wish I had a solution. But we can't cure the depression unless the cause is removed, He needs to accept himself.He needs to want to be happy." , this was the first time he had heard Eir sound emotional. She always spoke in clipped clinical tone otherwise.  
" You know I would remove the ring and throw it in the abyss if it would give me my Loki back. "Thor said causing Lokl to listen carefully.  
" You cannot do that my king. In his unstable mental condition,we would loose him. Maybe after he is healed, you can think of it."  
" I understand.Thank you Lady Eir" Thor was back to his courtroom tone.  
One set of footsteps went out. Other followed .Loki was alone.He got up. Scrubbed his face.He wanted to scream, What was happening to him?slowly on shaky legs he went to bathing chamber and splashed his face with water. Remembering something, he came back briskly.And dugged out Faradei's letter from his drawer. He had read it many times but in his rage and melancholy its meaning was lost to him. He had feared for his sanity when he could not decipher the meaning. He read it again, And stopped when he reached at  
" you have always been blind to the love you have'"  
' Was it true? Does this mean Thor loves him?  
truly loves him? After everything he had done, after everything they both had done to each other ,was this possible?  
' I am loosing the only person I have ever loved ' He had said, He sounded honest , heartbroken. Can this be true? If it is.then what? What should Loki do with the knowledge?  
"Love freely, just once give your love without care,beast" Faradei's voice rang in his mind.  
' Norns,am I going insane? Why would I love Thor. why do you think I should love my master, my handler. Does Faradei also thinks I am a beast, an animal?'  
" No you fool, you know why I call you beast. I think you should love Thor because You already do" Faradei said somewhere.  
" He betrayed me! " Loki screamed.  
" He had no choice.He Apologizes every time you let him open his mouth " a voice strangely similar to his mother said.  
" He raped me" He whispered.  
" You liked it! " Odin...Norns, it was Odin's smug voice..in this room.  
" Accept it, pet. you like it.You are made for it. Have you seen any other body like yours?" That voice caused him to shiver. Thanos...  
He was here.He had found him. Loki needed to ..to run.He looked up franatically searching for out. He was surrounded by them, they were laughing. All of them.'Now he will come forward, grip my neck', Loki thought.his breath started coming in gasps, shallow...laboured.He could not get enough air.The corners of his vision were darkening. The walls of chamber were closing in on him now. Making it too small for all of them.Soon, there will be no space.Loki stood up, swaying slowly. Suddenly the other was there, in front of him.too close! Loki stumbled back and hit the door,.He fell back on his ass causing it to open. He saw the outer door.Without looking back he ran.  
He ran and ran and ran... without thinking where to. Suddenly he bumped into something hard and soft!. The force of collision caused him to fall down, he lay there panting.  
" Are you fine, my lady? Somebody was talking. ' Lady?' Loki was sure he was in his male form.Loki sat up breathing hard, his heart thudding in his throat! He saw fandral helping a voluptuous woman up. She was adjusting her clothes.  
' Ah. Fandral's latest conquest' Loki mused. Fandral turned to him and offered a hand,  
" Are you all right, Prince Loki? Are you in pain ?" , Loki stared at offered hand not knowing what to do.His breath now slowing.  
" Can you get up? Do you need a healer?", asked Fandral taking his hand back.  
Loki shook his head. Feeling more rooted now he forced himself to stand. He still swayed a little, eyes darting back to where he came from. Fandral's hands moved as if to catch him.Loki finched at sudden movement.  
" Are you running from someone, my friend? Has somebody hurt you? " Fandral was talking as if he was asking a scared child. Maybe he was.  
" I..I need to go" Loki said and turned to leave.  
He carefully looked around and chose a route that won't lead him to the chamber. He heard Fandral apologising to his woman. But focused on the path he was taking. ' Where could he go? Library was enclosed space.' He needed air, so he slowly on shaking legs walked towards gardens.  
He could ask for a herbal tea there, but even talking to a servant felt too much right now. He would just sit there and calm his nerves then. He moved slowly, The halls were not empty like when Thor used to take him there. He missed it, he missed their evenings in gardens. He missed Thor. Suddenly he realised, how lonely he was. He had not talked, really talked with anyone in months. It was like he had been falling in void again. Thor had been his anchor all his life, All his love,a his jealousy his mischiefs,his achievements.... everything revolved around Thor and now Loki had lost him. The loss he felt was like punch to his stomach.  
He didn't realised he had stopped walking. He heard a giggle and turned his head towards it. The servant girls passed him to go inside. Suddenly he heard, " King's bitch" in muttered voice. He could not make himself turn to see who it was.He turned back and ran towards his, Thor's chambers.  
" Loki?" Somebody called him, he ignored it.  
When he reached back in, he closed the door behind him and slid down to floor, sobbing.

_@_@_@_@_@_@_

When Fandral found him in sparring pit, Thor was irritated.He was already in bad mood since Eir's visit. " Now what?"  
" Thor, you need to go to Loki" Fandral was flustered. But Thor was out as soon as he heard the name.  
" Tell me" He said walking towards exit.  
" I was with this girl from kitchen staff, and he came colliding on to us.He was running from something , scared and dishelved and still in his nightcloths,Thor. This was bad. Then he didn't even speak to me. walked away through the halls as if he was lost, I followed and then he suddenly stopped near the garden entrance to the kitchens.He was ...he was I don't know Thor. And then suddenly he bolted to your chambers. I knew he was ill but this is really bad, Norns" Fandral was having difficulty to keep up with Thor.  
Thor was about to run but a king running for his concubine,it wouldn't do! It would give ideas to already gossiping people.Loki was running from something, was he attacked? He was going insane with worry by the time they reached the doors.  
He held the knob and asked Fandral,  
" Fandral ,if you..."  
" Of course, I will stay here for some time, and then I have a girl to meet"  
Thor nodded in silent thanks.and entered.  
He found Loki on floor crying hysterically.  
Thor knelt down.  
" Loki? "  
" ...."  
" Loki, can you hear me ?" Thor asked softly. Loki looked up his, green eyes clouded with despair.  
" Come here" Thor opened his arms and Loki threw his arms around his neck and started sobbing again. Thor held him close while rubbing his back.He let him cry for a while. Thor was not good at these things, but all he knew was that he had Loki in his arms again.He was not going to loose that small favor.After a while, when Loki's sobs were reduced a little he started whispering reassurance in his ear.  
" Shh shh, there there, love, you are all right now"  
" I am here now Loki, Shh you are safe. I am here baby"  
After a while, Thor didn't even know what he was whispering, his own tears flowing down. After Loki calmed down a little, his breath still hitched now and then.They sat like that for a long time.Both not wanting to leave other. Thor cleaned his own face first , then slowly moved so that he was face to face with Loki.  
" Hey! " he called and smiled as Loki looked up.Then added, " Want to get up?"  
Loki nodded yes. So he got up, the smaller man made no move, still looking lost. Thor bent down and easily picked the other. Loki hugged his neck again.  
" Lets get you to bed, shall we? " Thor asked and moved inside without waiting for response. He layed Loki down on their bed.and sat near him., carding fingers through raven hair. Surprisingly Loki leaned into his touch and sighed closing his eyes.  
" Want to talk about..? " He stopped asking when Loki shook his head. But he stopped his hand also. Loki looked up and pulled his hand back, saying,  
" I have missed you."  
" And I you, Loki.You can't even tell how much I have missed you!" Thor said vehemently.  
" The things you said that night, when_when you... you completed the enchantment ,are they true?"  
Loki stuttered through the question. Thor looked on, in confusion.  
" What things?" He asked finally.  
" You said you always wanted to, you_you said you loved me! " Loki forced himself to ask.  
" Yes, Loki by the nine, I have loved you. I don't even know since when. I have never been able to go on without you.Please I had to bring you back, I know I am insane but I couldn't lose you.I will love you till my last breath and beyond, Loki if you will have me..."  
" What about now?" Loki asked  
" Uh ?"  
" You said you loved me in past and you will love me in future.. what about now? " Loki said with a tiny quirk to his lips.  
" Norns, you have to be like this now? Yes Loki I love you now, with every breath I take in, with every fibre in my body and with every thought in my mind..By the power I hold over thunderstorms, I always have and always will love you, brother"  
" And yet you call me brother!" Loki was smiling openly now.  
" I can't help that.You are my brother, my lover, the other half of my soul." Thor said flippantly.  
" You have thought about it"  
" Yes, you would be surprised how much of my thoughts are about you" Thor said.  
" Ah, I worry for the realms. " Loki said making Thor laugh.He wondered when he had heard his brother laugh.Thor should not be so sad, he should be happy.What can he do to make Thor happy? He came up with answer and said,  
" Thor?" Thor looked up " I_I would like you to to touch... to kiss me!" His face warmed with a blush announcing his shyness.Thor's smile was indulgent.  
" Will you, will you kiss me?" He asked again.  
" You don't have to ask two times ,love. Just I have to do " with that Thor held Loki's left hand up and removed his ring ," this. " he finished. His face was too close to Loki's.He got up and left the ring on side table. When he came back, Loki was sitting in bed,too restless to wait.His face puzzled.  
" Why did you..?"  
" Removed the ring? I was not going to make love to you when you are not a free person Loki.I want you.., this to be real not some distorted trick of the magic. I know my apologies for our first time are never going to be enough, but I will make it upto yo.I want to make you moan with my love, not because you are compelled to and I want you to have the power to say no" Thor explained. Loki was red as tomato by now.  
" So everytime when we will... when we make love will you remove it?" Loki asked sceptical.  
" No Loki" He said . Loki's face fell, so he added, " I will remove it everytime we are alone here in our bedchamber. You will be as equal to me here as you are in my heart. I have promised you , I will make it up to you.I can't offer you much right now but I will keep trying , Loki. I will keep trying to make you happy until I die" His tone turned soft as he whispered his promises.  
" Now am I getting that kiss or not?" he asked jovially. Loki ony nodded. Thor touched his cheek with a hand caressing it with his thumb as if he was holding a precious thing. Then he got closer, slowly...Loki's breath hitched.Thor stared into his eyes touching their forheads together, they stayed like that. Thor's hands roaming on back of Lokis neck, head.He felt taught muscles of his brother's back, and moved back staring intently at the face he had come to adore so much.  
" Loki, can you tell me one thing? I won't ask why but do you really want to kiss me,now?" He asked intently. Loki flinched, and scooled his face.He was about to speak when Thor spoke again,  
" Hey.I understand. you have been through a lot. We can, we can take this slow.At your pace .We have all the time, we are immortals afterall. I don't want you to rush into anything. Me, well I am me, I can be a lot to take." He smiled sagely. Loki listened unblinking. He mulled it over pulling his lower lip between his teeth. He could lie easily. But what was the point? He had been lying all his life, and look where he was now. ' Worst had already happened' Faradei had written. So he decided to be honest.Thor was the only person in nine realms, with whom he could be completely honest.  
" I..I don't know, if I am ready I mean" he said finally.  
Oh! that hurt.but Thor composed himself.  
" Good. You can tell me anything okay." he said. "You look tired, Do you want sleep now or eat first and sleep later?" He thoughtfully asked.  
" Sleep" Loki answered.  
"lay down then." Loki did. and catched his hand saying " stay? "  
" I am stinking. should I wash first?" Thor asked.  
" I don't mind.wash later."  
" Hmmm" And Thor climbed in bed near him. He pulled a fur on both of them, while Loki tucked himself close to Thor's heart.Like old times.  
The council meeting was called off that day because the king refused to come out of his chambers for whole day.

"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi peeps, I can't thank you enough for all your support and views. Your comments re becoming inspiration to me.  
> In fact I have made changes in this chapter based on a comment from lovely 'Im_badwolf'. The theme was there just added up little touch. So your comments and Ideas are very valuable . Love ❤️


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good days, better days!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have been irregular with updates, but real life is too demanding. Small but real people constantly want my attention and I have a stupid job to keep working at... Yet this is the place where I feel my stress relieved. Every comment and kudo goes straight to my brain and release a small amount of dopamine and serotonin producing a smile.  
> So a big thank-you to all of you..

Loki felt better day by day.His relationship with Thor was slowly healing..As promised Thor was really taking things slowly. He would take Loki to garden almost everyday for a walk and tea. The breakfast together was also back. Their routine somehow was back with minute changes. Thor encouraged him to get out more, took him to dinner daily.And he passed a royal edict declaring Loki as official diplomatic adviser for King ,much to Odin's chagrin. He used all his power, to make it possible to Loki to take part in negotiations for Asgard. Loki was stll reluctant and avoided Odin as much as possible but still he had helped to draft some good treaties with few other realms, swarthalfeim being one of them. Dinner was much harder task, being in presence of allfather and all Aesir courtiers. It was difficult at first, but Thor's solid presence was the anchor Loki needed. Thor would speak with him softly while trying to push more food in his plate.He would try to include Loki in conversation without much success. Loki would answer him, even sometimes whisper something to Thor but that was all. Loki would not talk to any other person, wouldn't even answer their questions.Thor would have to do that for him.It was like Thor was the only person existed in his life. But he was more than enough. He would kiss Loki's hand,even in public,like Loki was someone to be worshipped. It would cause now familiar flutter in Lokis stomach and they would ignore muttered jeers and remarks from onlookers.They have not done more than few kisses, and lingered touches, much to Loki's disappointment! But life was good, as if he had rested enough, after a tiring ordeal. He felt almost content, except when he did not..There was some sadness on the back of his mind and if he was not distracted enough, it would drag Loki into the dark place filled with melancholy.So Loki filled his days with some thing or other.He would clean the chambers, call breakfast, spend time with Thor.He had started reading and practicing his seidr again. On Thor's insistence, he had started visiting library again, whenever Thor was busy. But while on his way to library he would keep his head down and never stopped for anything. Sometimes he would see one of Thor's friends on his way, but he wouldn't acknowledge them. Fandral and sometimes Volstag had tried to greet him ,to talk with him but Loki never responded.He would walk away, feeling their gaze on his back. That was one more problem, Loki was now hyperaware of people staring at him, talking about him,making him more awkward and scared. Only Thor's presence could make him feel safe.  
One morning, over their breakfast Thor said that he should rest in their chambers today.  
" Why? are you coming back early?" Loki asked.  
" No but I have a surprise coming for you!"  
" Okay" Loki was now used to small surprises by him.Flowers, sweets, daggers, small things he knew made Loki happy. So Loki spent the morning cleaning the chambers and then reading.He was about to call for lunch when door was knocked. He thought it might be a servant. So he called them to come in.  
" Oh my beautiful child!" As soon as he heard the voice Loki threw the book on small table and got up from the chair.  
" Nanna?" He could not believe his eyes.The next moment he was in the arms of the motherly woman.She was the woman who had been with him in everything. He used to think sometimes, that its pathetic that only person to love you are your mother and an old servant. But he didn't know about Thor's love then.  
Nanna was young when she had came to Asgard with Frigga's entourage as a servant and as a companion. Being vanir, she had a small amount of magic. And she used to hate every Aesir with all her heart. When Loki was brought from jotunheim as an infant and left with Frigga,. After seeing that small sickly child, Nanna had not thought twice to get a spell to lactate and became wet nurse to him. Later as he grew up,they both didn't know exactly when she had came in his service from the queen's. Maybe his constant mischief against his servants was a cause. Nanna could perfectly alter her behaviour from stern to doting. And Loki has ever loved the lack of false flattery, which he hated other servants for. She was too heartbroken on his supposed death after the fall in void.So she packed her meagre belongings and retired to go back to vanaheim. Frigga would have made her to stay, but she herself was devastated.And now, Nanna was here.  
" How?" Loki asked  
" Thor sent for me, some days ago. I had to take care of few to things before I come" She explained.  
" You won't go back?"  
" To what? You are all I ever had,my child. I am but a servant, I could do nothing for you last time. but now I am not going to let you out of my sight." She said vehemently.  
" I am not going anywhere,nanna. I am unable to leave, I am bound to Thor now,to this this life." He said wanly." I am his bed slave now" He said through the lump in this throat, miserable.She pulled him in a hug.  
" None of that now.young man. Thor explained me everything.He lives, because he seemed to be repenting his actions" Loki smiled in her shoulder. She continued," I was shocked, Loki. Your mother would never had allowed this. She would have found some other solution. I sometimes feel how helpless I am, when it comes to you"  
" I miss her, nanna"  
" So do I,my child ,so do I"  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_

Bringing Nanna back was the best decision Thor has made .She made Loki eat when Thor could not, kept him grounded on reality and accompanied him when Thor could not. The frequent smile that adorned his younger brother's face were mostly Nanna's doing.These smiles had nothing to do with the scalding sneers Loki used to hide his pain. Thor would feel joy bubbling inside his chest, everytime Loki smiled this adorable smile of his. And he had Nanna to thank for that. She had came back like boon to their lives.  
After being back in the loving woman's care, Loki had started feeling more like himself.He was gaining weight slowly and his appearance was changed from sickly pale to healthy within few days. Thor removed the ring every night as soon as they were back. Loki was thankfull for the bit of freedom he could get.He had started to talk more openly to Thor. He felt Happy, almost! There was no denying that he was attracted to Thor, and Thor was torturing him with this Newfound restraint of his.He knew he should be angry ,he should hate Thor for all this mess and he did sometimes, but more than that he found himself thinking about his foolishly noble and insanely handsome brother. He hated Thor yet loved him.He knew every good thing in his life was Thor's doing.He knew Thor wanted him, he could see the desire in his eyes, he could give this one thing in return of every kindness he was shown. He knew he had only this one thing to offer.  
In the middle of night while they were talking, wrapped in each other's arms,Loki thanked him.  
"Why, why would you thank me when,I am the cause of your pain brother?"  
" Because ,I may loath to accept this Thor but you have given me a new life. I know this is not what I would want but it's better than that cell. and with you and nanna I have found some form of contentment. I like to think that this is only life I know,The other life,the life I have lost... its so distant now that it feels like a dream now." This made Thor frown, he knew Thor wanted everything to be like it was once,but that was impossible now........  
" I don't know what to say to that.I was never good with words. But I want to promise that I would give every happiness to you in this life, atleast I will strive to do so. I will give you your dignity and your rightful place back and one day I will share my life and my throne with you along with my heart, love!"  
Loki kissed him, passionately,gratefully with all the love he felt.Thor, obviously responded. he was exhilarated. .as he felt his beloved melting with touch. Lokis touch, his smell, everything was getting too much, he was panting with need, " you need to move back Love, or I wont be able to stop myself."  
" Then don't!" Loki huffed, emerald eyes dark with lust.  
" Loki, think again. we can still wait"  
" For what? by the norns If we waited more I will die of desire" Loki said frustrated  
" Please, you are making it difficult for me. What do you want me to do?" Thor asked, his eyes intense.  
" I...(kiss on forhead).... want...(peck on the nose)...you to...(kiss on the cheek)..... make...(nip at the jaw)...love..(kiss towards ear)..to me" with that he looked up.smiled cheekily and went down to attack Thor's ear.  
" You asked for this you, mischief" With that Thor pushed the trickster down on bed and ,hovered above him, imploring his face, searching for signs of fear or doubt.  
When he found none, he made sweet love to his Loki.He forgot every doubt as he heard Loki loose his words to throaty sounds of pleasure. He kept on as all Loki could speak was Thor's name... He would remember this forever.  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_

Loki usually spent some time with nanna after Thor left for court. But that day Nanna went off to make his favourite cookies herself. So he thought he should leave early for library. Thor had initiated talks with new king of Jotunheim, and Loki wanted to study the treaties held by the realms prior to the war. It could help with the negotiations.When he told Thor about his days plan, the king suggeted they both leave together upto the concil office from where they could go their own ways.  
The plan was good but its implementation proved difficult as they were still attached to each others mouth in a dark alcove on the way.  
"Thor you are getting late",Loki gasped trying to move back from the king's arms.  
" What if I don't want to go?" Thor whined  
" And what would you want to do?" Loki asked thoughtfully.  
" What I want is to go back to our chambers and ravish you" Thor moved out of alcove still holding his hands in his own.Loki smiled,eyes twinkling with amusement.  
" And why would I go back to our chambers?" he asked.  
" Because I am going to ravish you" Thor whispered in his ear, lips ghosting over the sensetive skin there.  
" Hmmm.let me think" he said ,taking his finger on his lips tapping it there,as if contemplating the proposal.Thors eyes rested on his pink petal lips.  
" My king! " a guard saluted loudly breaking the moment.causing them to jump apart."I was going to your chambers,your grace. I have a message for you"  
" Vidar son of Helmond , whose message you bring my friend?" Thor boomed happily clapping the guard.  
Loki smiled, 'Thor would remember lowest of the einjenhar's name and show them how much he loved and cared for them. For this,the lowest of the eijenhar will lay down his life for his king. Only this oaf could inspire such loyalty.' ,He thought. In his past life he would have bristled with jealousy but today he felt only pride.Thor was loved by everyone,and he loved Loki. That was enough.  
" Allfather has asked you to visit council office before the court, your grace" The guard said  
Loki's eyes narrowed. Instead of showing proper respect to the young king, Odin had summoned him to his office. If he still treated Thor like a child, How will others take the king seriously?  
As the guard bowed and went away, Thor pecked Lokis nose and said,  
" rest that pretty Little head of yours and lets go see what the message is about" Loki crinkled his nose at the thought of seeing Odin.  
" Thor ,I don't think I should..."  
"Come sweetheart,you are my advisor now." Even if the king had not intended, it was an order, Loki felt the tingle of command. He nodded in resignation and follwed him without protest.  
As they entered the chamber Thor was greeted by Bragi the old counciler and Odin.  
"Father, Councilor,! Whats the urgent matter you called me for" Thor asked as he nodded in greetings  
" My king. Its great news. We have received a message from king hellblindi of jotunheim.He says..."Bragi was suddenly interrupted by odin saying  
" What he says is very confidential matter and is for the king's ears only" He said looking pointedly at Loki.  
" Father ,I have declared Loki as my advisor in diplomacy. He can stay and..." Again..Odin interrupted Thor,  
" Thor, this is Jotunheim we are speaking of. And your concubine is.."  
" Thor" , Now Loki interrupted Odin before he could throw his heritage in .He touched the king's face with both his hands and turned him towards himself. Then kissed him, briefly but on lips. Then he hugged Thor's neck throwing both his arms around and whispered in his ear,  
" Its okay Thor,I will go back to our chambers.You finish this business here and come back to give me that 'ravishing ' you promised" Thor was getting flustered with the obvious display, loki noticed it happily then added, " Now lets give the old men some satisfaction. Command me to go back ,now!"  
Thor looked flabbergasted.But then he controlled himself,looked at allfather.He also took Lok's both hands in his,in a intimate manner and said,  
" Go my love. wait for me in our chambers!"  
It was a command, yes but it was so much more. Loki felt the happy flutter in his stomach. As the enchantment started tingling he nodded and left the room. But he made sure to throw a smirk towards Odin. It was unnecessary challenge, he knew,but he couldn't stop himself.Loki had stayed down for a long time.  
As Loki walked towards the chambers, he could not hide th giddy smile on his face.He was so lost in his king's thought, that he didn't even notice that he bumped into someone.Without looking at the person's face, he muttered an apology and moved around to continue. He was thinking how to greet Thor back , when a hand clamped on his wrist.  
" Where are you going bitch? " Asked a familiar gruff voice, making Loki stop in his tracks. He felt someone's face close to his neck, hot breath laced with alcohol made his skin crowl . He needed to run ,now... but he couldn't make himself move. His legs felt as if they were made of lead, as panic gripped his chest. His heart thuds loudly in his throat.

• 

"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun-dun dun dun.... A cliffhanger!  
> Who do you think it is? Any guesses??


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some answers and more questions.  
>  OR  
>  Thor confronts Odin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people! Reality of my life kind of sucks right now.My job is too hectic, my immediate boss is a d*** and his senior is new and famed for his harsh attitude. So I don't have much time on my hands. By the time bI am free, I don't have energy to do much. So updates will take a little longer. Please bear with me.   
>  Enough of my whining, let's see who is harrasing our Loki.

Orwar was an old warrior, from Tyr's troops. Loki always wondered why that group had hated him.He was not much liked in Asgard's army, due to his choice of weapons and his sharp tongue. But Tyr's men felt more than dislike for him.They hated him with fervour.He later thought maybe they knew his heritage from start.  
Now orwar, old loyal einjenhar was breathing threateningly over his shoulder.His hand held Loki's wrist in vice-grip.  
" Unhand me,Orwar"  
" You think you can order me,jotun bitch?You are no longer prince.Don't get any ideas because our king fucks you "  
" No, but I am still king's favourite bitch ,Orwar.I am sure he would want to know about the bruises your hand will leave on me." His hand suddenly was released,but Orwar pushed him towards wall.  
" So,the king doesn't share,yet.But I am sure he will soon get over you and you will be tossed in army to be used properly as the whore you are"  
" mmm.I don't think you can understand this, but that is never going to happen.Don't you know terms of my concubinage, I am bound to the king for life.So you can lust after me all you want, but you can't touch.Thor loves me too much!  
" Ah.You are still as stupid as you were.You thought your father had loved you, and look where he had brought you...Thor will.."  
" You are wrong" Loki cut him,. " I wanted my father to love me,to see me as he sees Thor. I desperately tried to gain his approval.That is because I knew he never loved me.l was never mislead by his pretenses.And I am not mislead about Thor now."  
" And what about your pretence,you decietful creature!" Orwar was crowding him now, forcing him back in the wall.Loki looked around, 'Where was Thor?why the corridor is so empty?' There were two maids standing with trays in hands looking warily at the exchange, but they were of no use   
" What will happen when Thor sees your true nature, you monster.How will he react when he sees the blue abomination you hide under this pretty face and green eyes? Will he love you still after he sees your demonic eyes??" Orwar smiled viscioudly as his fingers ran over pale cheek of his captive with mock tenderness.He suddenly gripped Loki's jaw, a finger and a thumb pushed in hollow of cheeks causing his lips to pucker. Loki was utterly scared by the look in his eyes.  
" Orwar,What are you doing?" Volstag's voice boomed from the end of corridor.He was too far. Orwar paid him no mind.His face moved close,too close for Loki's liking.  
" You are too pretty, to be given to that brat!" His said, breath stinking with mead, Loki tried to turn away. Orwar held him in place, and kissed him. Loki's eyes widened,bile rising into his throat at sudden stench of vile man. He couldn't think through his panic.Orwar bit his lower lip and moaned as he sucked the blood he drew.Loki lost it,Orwar was thrown away with a blast.He layed there in a heap whimpering like a beaten dog.  
Loki looked at his hands in horror, as his fingers caught fire.Then the flames spread down towards wrist, and then he felt burn. He screamed and patted his hands down to douse the flames.But the burning was not only issue, low thudding headache announced arrival of punishing pain. The enchantment started throbbing his body for defying standing orders. ' You are not to harm me or mine' Thor's voice boomed in his mind with every throb of pain  
" Take him to the prison,Thor will deal with him later" Somebody said somewhere. Loki flinched.He didn't want to go back in that cell But he could not get up and run.He was in too much pain. Volstag's face loomed over him.  
" Are you all right,lad? Your hand is burnt.Come, I will take you to healer" Loki sighed and turned away. He was in too much pain to deal with Thor's friends now. He layed there on his side,hand gingerly held away from floor. He tried stiffle whimpers of pain and ignored everything around him. His head was swimming. He was barely touching shore of consciousness when someone touched his shoulder.He tried to move away, but the hand was strong.He was turned forcibly.   
He snarled and came face to face with very concerned Thor.  
"Love,.."  
" Thor! " he sighed in relief " You are here" and then closed his eyes.

_@_@_@_@_@_@_

Loki came back to pleasant hum of healing magic. He turned his head to see where he was, and Nanna came rushing to him.   
"My child, how are you?"   
" Fine" he croaked.And then grimaced as all the pains started anouncing themselve. He pushed his hand up and stared at bandages...  
It was healing fast, but hurt nonetheless.  
" You look anything but fine" Nanna admonished and brought a cup to his lips,   
" Here, this will help with the pain" He drank obediently. Cool herbal potion soothing his throat. He layed down closing his eyes.  
" How do you feel, be honest?" Nanna asked after few minutes  
" Hurts. where is Thor?"   
" He is in court room. He has asked you to come there.Can you walk?" Nanna asked  
" Why? I want to sleep"  
" He wants you to testify in Orwar's trial"  
" Trial? Now?"   
" Of cours.Did you think Thor will let go that pig? You should have seen him, he was about to go down and crush the snake with his bare hands " Loki did not know what to think.He know Thor would be angry for him. He expected Orwar to be beaten bloody, but a trial? How can he have trial,and so soon?   
" I am tired.tell him,I will do it tomorrow"  
" He was really adamant about you coming. Loki, he wants to send a message through this trial and you need to be there. Aesir needs to see that you were attacked. They need to see you as victim and orwar as assaulter"  
Rage flared in Loki's mind,  
" So I need to appear weak and pathetic in front of them.Elese they will think this is some trick?"  
Nanna thinned her lips.  
" They will be wrong to do so but you have given them reasons for not trusting you.You have to do this for Thor" She said evenly .Loki had long past accepted that everything was about Thor. They was never going to be equal.And now, now Loki was nothing but a pleasure slave.Orwar had made it crystal clear. And yet it hurt when his nanna considered Thor's convenience more.  
'She knows who you are, you are monster, a whore! Of course she is concerned for Thor!'   
He scoffed.  
Then stood up to. Sudden movement caused the room to tilt a little. Nanna moved closer, seeing him sway on his feet. He swatted her hands away.   
"Let's go." He said and moved to door without waiting for response. He was still feeling drained.So he carried his woobly legs with slow strenuous efforts.Nanna wisely kept her distance.  
When they entered the court room, Volstag was speaking loudly. The hall was filled to bursting, so many had gathered to see a good spectacle even at short notice. The crowd parted way for Loki.He stared straight ahead. Bowed to the king and stayed silent.Thor smiled at him. Then asked Volstag to continue.  
" So as I was saying, I reached late ,my king.I have stated what I saw. Prince Loki was hurt and as soon as I ordered Orwar to prison,I tried to tend to the prince.But in his shock, he didn't accept my touch.And flinched away. So I kept my distance and waited for you. He was not very aware when you arrived and took him to healers "  
Loki kept his eyes on king trying to ignore Volstag's irritating voice.Thor appeared grim, indifferent even.In past, Loki could have predicted his every reaction. But, this Thor was different, this Thor was too much like his father.  
Loki looked over to Odin, their gazes met and he turned away hastily. He could not look at the man and see his disregard for someone who had idolized him as father, as god.He was trying to control his breathing when Thor spoke to him,  
" Loki Odinson, royal concubine of the King , do you have anything to say ?"  
Loki felt everyone stare at him.If he was ignored before,they were now aware of him. They knew how weak and pathetic he was.They will regret calling him prince.But he was prince no more, He was a monster,and they knew it. He focused back as Thor's warn hand touched his face.  
" Love,are you all right? It's okay if you don't want to talk about it.We have other witnesses."  
Loki blinked the tears away and nodded.He could not speak through the lump in his throat.  
Thor turned and boomed,  
" We stand here in trial against Orwar Valson, for assaulting and using criminal force against my beloved , Prince Loki.He is accused of humiliating and outraging modesty of the royal concubine. The maidservants Lana and Freida have testified in favour of procecution. General Volstag has also accounted his testimony. Accused has denied the charges and in turn have accused that prince Loki has lied with trickery.Anybody else have anything to say?"  
'That vile man had the guts to accuse Loki of lying.But then this was perfect excuse, nobody will believe Loki.He was liesmith after all.' Loki fumed silently.He won't take blame for others , not anymore. Orwar will pay.  
" My king.If I may ask, Can Orwar explain how and why I am lying? As I am bound to you by magic, everybody knows that I can't even plan to trick anybody.You can see my burnt hand" He held his hand up," That is the result of using magic to protect myself.Since he is in your service, I can't harm him. So using magic to push him has done this to me.And can Orwar tell the court, what was I hoping to gain from tricking him? Why would I plot against an old soldier?" He looked at Orwar, who appeared subdued in chains.  
" Very well" ,Thor was now back to his throne," Orwar, do you have an explanation?" Orwar looked up, terrified and shook his head negative.   
" People of Asgard, it is proven beyond doubt that Orwar Valson attacked unprovoked and humiliated prince Loki.He used criminal force to assault and outrage victim's modesty. Such crime is usually punished with detainment in prison.But since I have publically announced prince Loki as my royal concubine, the severity of crime increases. This is assault against my royal household,and I will not take it lightly. I, Thor Odinson, with the authority put upon me by Asgard, my father and forefathers, declare Orwar Valson guilty for assault on royal concubine and hence treason.He shall be executed by sword for his crime."  
A collective gasp was heard through the hall. Orwar's started wailing for mercy. Loki was stunned! Nobody had ever been punished for his sake.Nobody had ever taken a stand for him. He was reprimanded and punished severely many times even for the things out of his control. But this , this was new. Thor, was executing his attacker.  
" My king,please reconsider" ,Tyr tried.  
" No"  
" Thor my son, Orwar is a drunk fool, but he is brave and loyal warrior.This punishment is too severe", Odin stated calmly.Loki glared at him openly.  
" And he showed his bravery and loyalty by attacking former prince and his king's beloved ! I am within my rights to kill him.Let this be an example to others who intend harm to mine!" Thor's voice was raised at the end.  
" Thor, you are forgetting what I taught you. A king must be fair and neutral. You can't favor one side over other, nor you should let your emotions dictate your judgement" Odins even voice was as hard and repripmanding as his heart. Loki knew, Thor can't win this.   
" Loki my love, I have done grave wrong by ordering you to not use your seidr against me and mine.I henceforth,allow you to protect yourself from anyone including me, by any means necessary!" Loki gaped at him. He climbed the stairs down again ,Loki himself stepped forward and held onto his king's arms.He wished they could hug,here and now. Thor looked into his eyes, giving him strength.   
" Love, I know you are tired.Do you want to stay or do you want to go and rest?" Loki thought about it. He wanted to hear the argument but he knew it will cause only pain and misery to him. So he said, " I want to go"   
" Then go and rest. I will come as soon as I can", he surprised everyone by kissing Loki's forhead.Loki blushed, and left with his head down. Nanna following close.  
" General Hogun, will you be kind and accompany the prince to our chambers?" Thor asked.  
" Aye,my king" ,Hogun followed them keeping respectable distance.

_@_@_@_@_@_@_

Thor returned to his throne, sat down regally. and said,  
" Lets continue, you were saying?" Odin noticed lack of 'father' at end and narrowed his eyes.  
" I was saying that, this judgement appears to be affected by your emotions. You should not favour Loki over Aesir."  
" So I am to turn blind eye to the fact that my beloved and the one you called son for centuries, was assaulted and humiliated while he could not protect himself?, Because Orwar has managed to be born to an aesir! " Thor noticed how Odin bristled at mention of his own relation to Loki.  
" Of course, you should punish the criminal.But execution is too severe. Orwar is well liked in army and it will not be taken well if he is killed for such small mistake."   
" So, attacking Loki is just small mistake?" Thunder cackled outside but he kept his face emotionless. Yet his eyes were still easy to read for Odin.  
"Do not twist my words,boy."   
" I am your king! " Thor boomed.Odin faltered.  
" Apologies, my king.I was thinking like a father, who care for wellbeing of his son."  
" Yes.You have always cared too much for wellbeing of one son, while being ignorant to other"  
" That is wrong, I don't know what lies Loki has been feeding you but I have cared equally for you both.Atleast until he showed his true colours"  
" Do you not trust your own bindings at all father? You obviously know that he is in no position to feed lies to anyone.He is struggling to keep standing most of the time.I have seen that your spell had rendered him physically weak.Were you not satisfied that he was bound and brought low like this? Harming him in such a way that he is dying slowly, is this what you call justice? "  
" It was not intentional, the enchantment has its side effects." Odin's voice was suddenly so small, he appeared defeated. Thor's heart went out to him. But he knew his father for long enough not to fall for his shows.  
" You taught me to be fair yes, but you also taught me that justce is sometimes means for sanctioned injustice! " Odin's face fell.  
" My king, all I meant is that your rule is new and executing a loyal warrior for a lover, that too a jotun who is proclaimed traitor will be seen in negative light. I don't want these issues for you" the clever old man ascertained himself as caring father and reminded people to hate Loki in one breath.  
"I thank you for your concern.But I don't mind my force's displeasure in slightest.After all they are trained to hate Loki for thousand years.They will need time to accept him as my beloved "  
" What do you mean" Odin asked outraged.  
" I was too blinded by my own glory to see it, but I see now, how he was treated here. How he was shunned and reprimanded for his smallest mistakes. Even me and my friends, mocked his tricks and ignored him. He had saved our lives , countless times but never was appreciated.Not by you, not by me... Others just followed our lead. You talk of being fair and just, but have you noticed how his punishments were always severe than mine for the same crimes? Many times he was punished because you deducted that he talked me into acting rashly while I was left with a pat on wrist for brutal murders" Odin was too shocked to say anything. But Tyr was nothing if not loyal to old king.He spoke up,  
" Allfather saved him from certain death, he took in a jotun and raised him as a prince.He should be grateful, instead he is turning you against your own father"   
" I think its established that Loki is unable to manipulate anyone. But your prejudices won't go so easily.I myself was blind untill recent days. Lets talk with example shall we? Allfather clames to have loved him as his own but he allowed dwarves to sew his mouth in this very courtroom,do you remember that day Tyr?"  
" Yes my king"   
" Loki had cut my hair in cowardly manner, All father was right to punish him" Sif said.  
" You had beaten him in ring for that,my lady.As was your right. I won't claim to know what had passed between you two, to make Loki act in such way.Though I have an idea, I would not share it in open court But if you remember correctly, all father sent Loki to amend his mistake.Loki brought you new hair, which turned to be black.I know you resent him for that, but don't you think you have taken your grudge too far. Had you left it after beating him bloody, your hair would have grown back. But you took children's quarrel into All father's court.And my brother paid dearly."  
" I merely ordered him to correct his mistake as any father would.Whrere is injustice in this?" Odin gritted, his voice carrying to last aesir, by magic.  
" We will come to that. So Loki brought magical hair for Sif and he brought three most powerful weapons and three other priceless artefacts with him. Didn't he?"   
Everybody nodded. They all knew the tale of mjolnir, Gungir and summarbrandr the sword that fights by itself. The golden boar, folding ship and gold producing bracelets were also most magnificent things known all over Asgard as kingdom's jwells.  
" So after Loki brought magnificent gifts to asgard, All father immediately ordered the artifacts to treasury. And what did he do with weapons ? One Loki gifted him in reverence. Allfather gave mjolnir to me,and summabrandr was gifted to Freyr, the hostage vanir prince as a goowill. What was given to second son of the King?" Thor looked over stunned courtroom.He knew they did not have an answer.  
" I ask you allfather, can you tell me one memorable gift you have given to Loki." He snorted as he added, " Leave memorable,just tell me one gift you have given him" Odin remained silent.   
" So we are going to judge all father's wisdom and love by the gifts he gave to Loki?" Vidar asked unconvinced.  
" Not at all, Thank you for bringing me back to original point.When Dwarves Eltri and Brokk asked Loki's head in payment, Can anybody tell me All father's reaction."   
" What could he do when, Loki himself had offered his head in a stupid bet? Honourable men don't go back on their word!" Tyr said.  
" So I thought at that time. But Allfather could have refused to allow the death of his own son, don't you think? Who could oppose All father himself? Who was the witness to that bet, was that person called in court? Or we just believed two vengeful dwarves asking for head of our prince? Allfathers wisdom is so worshipped, he could have thought something for his son's safety.but he kept silent"   
" Do you really think I would have let them kill him.I was silent because I was thinking, trying to find a solution!" Allfather boomed.  
"In the end, you did not. Nobody came forward to speak for him.Loki's much hated clever mind saved his head.And you allowed him to be mutilated in front of his family and friends." Thor said in calm voice.  
" I had to allow it.Our forces Were recovering from vanir war. We could not insult dwarves like that.Nor we could afford war with swartalfheim at that time.I thought you understand diplomacy now." All father had forced his voice to normal even indifferent tone.  
" So you allowed your own son to be insulted! Eltri and Brokk were weapon-masters, just tradesmen! not royalty nor diplomats.Killing them for trying to kill your prince would never cause war, that much diplomacy I understand All father.What do you say councilmen? " Thor looked over his councillors.  
" If I may, my king." Bragi stuttered, " Eltri and Brokk held favour of Dwarven royalty. We cannot say, killing them would have caused war or not. They were too brave to demand death of Asgard's prince.And I agree with you that we should have taken stand against it.But these are difficult decisions. Your father has done his best for Asgard." He was not happy to speak between father-son argument.  
" His best for Asgard? You are right of course. Allowing humiliation of his own son has established asgard and her king as one who honour their word.If Loki suffered centuries of pain and mocking for it,it was small price to pay, wasn't it?" Odin stared at his son.' When the boy had become so eloquent and cunning? He was slowly destroying all father's image' He was about to open his mouth to prevent further damage,when Volstag spoke.  
" My king, I understand the incident has caused Loki pain, I have seen it hurt you also. But try to understand, you can't blame all father. We know how hard this decision must be for him" Thor saw Odin smirk, he suppressed his rage.  
" You are right my friend.We can't know what was my father thinking.But I have other question for you, What would you do if a frost giant or even a krogal comes here and tries to kill me?" He knew they will fall in the trap.Aesir were fools, he himself was untill he started thinking outside of his father's shadow.   
" I would kill them where they stand." Volstag and fandral said unanimously .  
"Aye" Some voices came from crowd.  
" What do you think Allfather would have done, if I was threatened? Answer honestly, General Tyr" He asked his father's companion. He knew there was only one right answer, that will be accepted by people.Tyr will have to say the q truth .  
" Allfather would never allow such threat to live.The person shall be dead where he is standing, as soon as he does his first act of threat!"   
The people were happy, but Allfather had paled in understanding.  
" So you accept that had the dwarves asked for my head, they would have been killed for such insolence.But since it was Loki's head, you all accepted the cruelty towards our prince!"   
" Is this a trial against me.I did what I had to.If you want to punish me go ahead with it" Odin was seething now.  
" Of course not.I will never judge your actions in past.I merely want to show mirror to Aesir people .Yes, Loki was too clever and hurtful, but he was sweet and innocent child before that. His pranks were just a call for attention, which you rarely gave unless you had to reprimand or punish him.His mischief caused dislike in people, but had he received same love and attention as me, he would have grown up to be a confident and secure man. But all he received was mockery and negligence.You never appreciated his achievements, adding blows to his confidence. He was shunned for using magic, while you and mother were revered as powerful seidr users in nine.You turned blind eye towards how others, even I treated him. You failed to protect him even after you called him your son.He was desperate for your approval when he fell, father but you refused him. I lost my brother that day in void, but What did you loose?You lost a fiercely loyal son who could have been so much more, if only you had let him! " Odin kept silent.  
" You announced a feast in honour of mypl  
coming back, while I was grieving. That was the day started questioning your actions. Now its clear that you never loved him as your son. Your subjects followed your example."  
" So this is a trial, against me.For what? Because I spoke against a harsh punishment of a loyal warrior? " Odin tried to turn the conversation.The air was humming now with the unreleased anger anft thunder.  
" You know I am in my right to kill the fool. If you have an objection, councillor Odin Borson you are free to appeal in front of the thing.In fact, I give two weeks to anyone who wish to appeal against my judgement.Orwar Valson will be executed after fortnight" He knew his father will not risk to face proceedings of 'the thing' , magical court above all realms, for a lowly einherjar's life.  
" Very well, my king." Odin nodded and stormed off without a word of farewell.  
" People of Asgard, let this will be a lesson if anyone harbour ill-will towards prince Loki. If anyone hurts him unprovoked, they will face my wrath. And I beseech you to think about your actions against him in the past and see if he was really deserving the things he had faced before his downfall." He looked over his subjects and saw his words taking effect. Then adjourned the court and left.

_@_@_@_@_@_

He found Loki curled in bed, already asleep.He sat looking at his sleeping brother. He looked so innocent in sleep, hair gathered in bun, thin lips parted a little, face relaxed. His lower lip was swollen red at the cut Orwar had bitten. Thor frowned at the injured lip, he wanted to crush the man for hurting his lover.But he had outgrown the days of rash and brutish reactions.   
He washed and layed in bed, contemplating the day's events. Loki was not safe, that worried him. He will need some guard, but Loki will never accept aesir guards anywhere near him. He also kept going on what Odin will do, now that Thor had openly called out his wrong doings.He planned and planned some more. He didn't realise when he fell asleep, he didn't realise that he had forgotten to remove the ring from Loki's finger.

"   
l

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update around next weekend.  
>  Keep me motivated through your comments...^^  
>  Please;-)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff guys! And some heart to heart between Thor and Loki.

Thor woke up to strange noises, he looked around to find the source was Loki. His brother was twisting and turning as if something was hurting him. He whimpered and said something sleepy gibberish. But the desperation was clear.His ha nds moved as if to stop something from attacking.Thor leaned and touched his forehead.It was warm. Loki turned away and whimpered.Thor could make ," Please Thor.." this time.He again called Loki, "Sweetheart, I am here.wake up.Its a dream"   
But Loki was far gone...he arched his back and screamed. The scream of pain, hopeless desperation and every thing that Thor wished to keep away from his little brother.He tried to shake him awake.But Loki moved away ,saying " no more please please stop.I will do it..."His hands held up as to protect himself .  
Thor couldn't see it anymore. He slapped Loki's cheek asking him to wake up. Loki stopped talking... a little awake.Still terrified.  
" Thor..."   
" Yes my love.I am here.You are safe now.."  
" No! Nowhere is safe.Thor, they are here... they will... .they should not get me again...you need to kill me Thor .that is the only way"  
" What? Loki, what are you saying? you are here in our chambers.Nobody is here.."  
" They are here.Can't you see them?"   
" No Love.Nobody's here.Open your eyes."  
" They are open..." Loki whined.  
" Loki, I am going to touch your eyes to show that they are closed.When I remove my fingers,you will open your eyes.Do you understand?'  
" Yes"  
As Loki opened his eyes, he looked around in fear.   
" See nobody is here.It was just a bad dream , wasn't it? Tell me about it."   
Loki was about to say yes, but the enchantment buzzed his mind forcing him to answer truthfully.  
" No.It was a memory." He looked at the ring with disdainful eyes. and unwillingly continued, " I was back there ,in the cell. They were torturing me with heat. They burnt me untill I could not think straight and then they would send your illusions... I tried ,but then you were so very..you. maybe I wanted it to be you.Everytime I fell for the trick, always thinking you have come for me.But you never came ...you never came,Thor!" He sobbed. Confusion in Thor's eyes fade slowly to rage and then anguish. His eyes now as wide as saucers.   
" What are you talking about?" He asked.But Loki was not commanded to answer questions, so he thinned his lips.Thor should never know...He should be far away from this!  
" Tell me" Thor's firm command caused Loki to look up.If Thor didn't realise earier, now he knew about the ring.And he was using it to force Loki to tell...   
" I..I am talking about my time after I fell in void.I was ...I was falling for so many days, years...I don't know. Time works different there ..I thought I am going to die. But I am not lucky...I had to go and fall in clutches of ... Thanos." He whispered the name.  
" The mad titan? But he was pushed beyond nine realms. You...he found you? Oh Loki!" Sadness filled his eyes as he touched his lovers neck. "I am sorry I used the ring to force you to talk... but sometimes you are so stubborn. I have known you have nightmares for a long time ,but you would never speak about them. I..I just.."  
" I understand.But it was better if you didn't know. Trust me."   
" I ..I never asked why you did attack midgard when you did.You did seemed disturbed, but I pegged it all to your anger and madness.Father said no man's sanity can be preserved after void. He said earlier no man can survive." Loki smiled and opened his mouth but Thor held his hand up to say, .."I should have looked for you"   
" What can I say? I live to disappoint your father... !" He didn't comment Thor's last sentence.He wished Thor had looked for him... but it was so very late now.He could never be found after all the things... He was already a nameless and homeless man when he arrived on midgard.   
Thor sighed.He wanted to assure Loki that Odin was his father also.But he was not sure himself now. And he needed Loki to talk..  
" Love, I forgot to remove the ring before sleeping.I should not have used it like this, I can't apologize enough"  
" It was not intentional,I suppose.So no need to apologise. And we both know, I have done too many things I have yet to apologise for. "  
" If I removed ring , will you talk to me brother? I need to know more!"   
" If I refuse, will you force me to speak?" Loki really didn't want to share this, but there was no turning back now.  
" No.I will not do that,but now I have a suspicion that you were coarsed, I will have to find answers somehow"  
Loki sighed," I was not coarsed or forced ,Thor.I will tell you, everything you want but you have to promise me something."  
" Anything."  
" Then you will not run off to kill anybody as soon as you hear what I have to say, promise me."  
" Loki , you were tortured. I am going to kill that bastard. I only need details..."  
" Okay.He is going to come back anyways. So we can't avoid the fight, but promise me you won't go without consulting me and planning properly."  
" Its refreshing to see you worrying for my safety" Thor said grinning and removed Loki's ring.  
" Oh.Get lost .I was thinking about myself" Loki smiled.  
" How were you thinking about youself by preventing me to going to my doom?" Loki's smile vanished,  
"Don't talk like that Thor.Do you realise what will become of me if something happens to you?"   
Thor didn't answer.He could not.So Loki said,  
" See ! I am still selfish.Now ask me your questions before I change my mind."   
" Ah. Tell me from the start.What happened when you fell.."  
" I was falling for long time... it seemed years to me.The pain, the friction.. occasional accident with meteorites,it left me weak and hurt when my body finally touched with rock. I don't remember who found me, but they dragged me into that cell..It was...it was dark and cold." He shivered at memory. Thor put a hand on his back.   
" I was left there alone for a long time.. without food, drink, medical help or without any contact.By the time the other came I was desperate. I was already insane with solitude I think.I would have done anything just for a glass of water. But they didn't ask me for anything. They experimented on me... with pain,heat ,cold everything without a word.I fought,Thor I swear I fought.," Thor hugged him close," I fought,cursed, threatened even begged... Nothing affected those creatures. They methodically dissifered my strengths, my weaknesses and finally when I had satisfied them, I was given food and drinks."  
Then I met him... Actually I was presented to him. I had passed whatever test they had done... The other, that disgusting creature congratulated me for the fortune of meeting Thanos" .He fell silent.. It was too much to even think. His chest was feeling tight..  
Thor took his appearance. and said, " Love, I can see its not easy.you don't have to continue"  
" No.I have to.I will never finish it if I stopped now.And you have to know... He will come.He promised.. "  
" I don't understand Loki.What did he promise?"  
" He promised me thatnno planet, no baren moon,no crevice could hide me from him and I will beg for something sweet as pain...I failed him.He will come Thor!"  
" Oh Loki" Thor wanted to embrace Loki and never let him go.,"I am going to kill him for this, and If he even looks at you now. I will bring him back and will kill him again.Did he forced you to attack midgard?"   
Loki was perfectly peaceful in Thor's arms.He looked up frowning and bringing his eyebrows up together,   
" No Thor, he didn't.I agreed.It was my decision"  
" And may I ask why did you agree?"Loki moved back and stared at him. then stared at wall his brows furrowed in thought. He looked so lost, Thor just wanted to take him back in arms.   
" There was no other way... I_I had to get out of there,Thor. I would not have done it, but It was too much. I waited for you, for father... anyone ,but nobody came.He was telling the truth, when he said nobody comes for monsters! I had no loyal friends, like you.Odin was all too happy to have me gone.All I ever had was you, but you never came...you never came, Thor ! ", He shuddered as sobs raked his body. Thor closed the distance and hugged him.   
" I am sorry, sorry love! I should have searched for you. . but father said you were gone and... norns I am sorry" Loki kept sobbing.  
" Sshh ,Loki I have you now.You are out of the cell and We will find a way through this,I can get you pardoned.And I will find the bastard and kill him painfully.I have you now love, thats all that matters"  
" You don't understand do you? ",Loki said in his chest," You don't have me Thor, nobody Can have me . Your brother is dead.. Nobody can survive after being Thanos's child"   
" Wha.. What did he do to you?"   
" Nothing much, except being cut open and being rearranged.." Loki laughed bitterly ," They did something to my mind Thor, Never was I so weak willed." He paused searching Thor's face, and continued when he found what he was looking for," They used to inject something in my neck, maybe in morning, I had no way to know.I was so scared, you know I don't like needles" Thor nodded. and asked,"I know such methods are used on midgard. What poison did they inject , brother?"  
" I don't know. I would be dazed for hours after, the chunks of time missing from my memory. I think I he opened my mind and took all the things I hidden, then used them to twist my mind to his liking.I suffered from hallucination I think. He changed my memories... If I was angry before, I started to hate everyone. He took my pain, my dispair and grief and sharpened it to wield at his will. You think I was forced, but those were my own feelings.Whenever I was aware... I tried so very much, to get out,but there was no way I could find.I thought I would loose him as soon as I reach midgard, but the scepter..I think it controlled me,amplified my rage. I remember some moments of clarity.but it was late then, so very late." He stopped talking.  
After a moment Thor said,  
" You have been punished wrongly, I should have enquired more" He wanted to assure him, tell him everything will be alright. But that have to come later... Loki was trembling in his arms. His heartbeats thudding between them.  
" Love, Are you all right? Please tell me.What should I do?"  
" Stay" Was all Loki could say . They stayed like that, for long time.Thor was nodding off when Loki said.  
" Sleep ,Thor, you need rest" and moved away. Allowing him to lie easily.  
" You also need rest love"  
" I am used to not finding sleep"  
" Should we go out? Mayhaps open air will help you" Loki contemplated the offer and said,  
" I ..I want to sleep.To forget.Will you command me Thor, please? "  
Thor wanted to say no.He hated the idea of putting the ring back on in their bed, but Loki seemed too tired, too hurt. So he got up to get the ring.

  
" 

" 

ll

"  
"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't this perfect? Thor taking care of Loki after nightmare is all-time favourite.  
>  I read every comment, and I re -read them like thousand times.Just to feel the flutter in my stomach... So keep telling me how do you feel about this through comments and kudos.Love.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor trying to find a way through the complications.
> 
> Warning: brief mention of Suicide attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I know It's a long gap between updates but only time I find is weekends.And real life is kind of too much right now.

Thor walked towards his mother's garden, lost in thought.When Odin had asked for a private meeting he had readily accepted. It was first time they were meeting after Orwar's trial and Thor had suggested to meet at mother's garden ,a neutral place,close to their hearts.He was glad,that his father had only taken four days to reach out. Odin usually held on to his anger too long, maybe he was getting old,maybe he had thought some new scheme to turn thor against Loki.  
All father came after him.They both sat down... nobody spoke.  
" Your mother's gardens have not changed at all...I am glad." A harmless topic.  
" Aye.They will remain as they were kept by her."  
" She would be proud of you."  
" No she would not, seeing what I have done to Loki!"  
" Ah. That was necessary.You think me as his tormentor but you are too naive and trusting. You won't believe what your court will do if they knew he was roaming free!"  
Thor didn't answer, he felt like he was being reprimanded. Odin continued,  
" I still think you punished Orwar too harshly"  
" At least he got a trial.." Thor was angry.He could have killed the einjenhar on spot.  
" That was a good decision.Asgard always prided herself to be fair in judgement.But defaming me was a wrong move, your position is stronger when we are a united front."  
Thor fumed thinking how Odin still was trying to manipulate him into favourable position.  
" Then why was Loki not given a trial? Why did you judged him so hastily?"  
Odin smiled, " And what would have happened if he was tried.Did he have any witnesses to speak for him? We have enough proof about his crimes... Heimdalls testimony is more than enough. But had I tried him,more than bringing shame to our family name, nothing could be achieved. Nobody would speak for him except Frigga, and I would have been forced to execute him" Thor's eyes widened.It was true ,Loki would have died if he was tried publically.  
" Listen,my son I know you think I don't care for your brother.But I have always cared for him, Maybe I didn't love him enough and the boy was too perceptive to miss that. But I have never intended harm to him. I should have been upfront with him.I have lost one son, I will not lose other.I am not as good as your mother, but I wish to speak with you. Ask me boy, ask me your doubts"  
" Sometimes I think ,if you had been open with your affections with Loki, he would not have taken it so badly after discovering his blood. With me ,you interacted at least in arena but Loki, I now see how he strived for your attention"  
Odin sighed.," There is no excuse,really.I had given the boy reason to doubt my love. But being king is not easy.You can't show your emotions openly,lest your weaknesses will be bared to those who wish you harm.I have lost a brother, Ve for My father's love for him was well-known.He was taken from us,used as tool to hurt the King." Odin's single eye turned misty in memory, " That is the reason I wanted you not to show how much Loki affects you. You have given strong message,but also made Loki a target. Believe me when I say, the strike will come from far closer than we like."  
" Please father, stop your riddles for once and speak clearly.You are wrong to assume Loki would strike me, he knows how vulnerable he is without me.If you don't trust him, atleast trust his intelligent self-preservation."  
� " Fine.I don't think its Loki who will strike.He may but not now"  
" Then who?"  
" Everyone.I can't give you single name, I am not Frigga to know future.But you must be wary, your rule is new and unstable. A new ruler must rule with iron fist. Loki understood this clearly.And he was very much successful in creating stability, until your friends betrayed him.And went on to bring you back"  
" Loki is too much like you than you both realise.He has a thirst for knowledge and uses it cunningly. But my friends did not betray him, they doubted his intentions and came to me.They are just loyal"  
" They disobeyed lawful king's command for their loyalty to you.They committed treason. And before you ask, I couldn't punish them because you were grieving your brother, and I could not take your friends from you that time.So I left it to rest and avoided discussing my dead son's deeds in court."  
" I wish they would not have come to me.I wish this has not happened. He was alone, disturbed by his parentage and instead of staying by bis side they betrayed him" Thor said sadly.  
" Because they are your friends not his. They are always wary and mistrustfull about him.They have masked their intentions through jests and mocking insults, but I have seen them working unitedly against him to keep you two away. To keep you for themselves.why it is that you never made any other friends in thousand of years till middgard, till you was away from your friends." Realisation dawned Thor's face.He wanted to think this was some kind of clever scheme of his father, but there was a grain of truth in that accusation.  
" Loki must have seen this, thats why he hated them.But why did you not speak to me earlier.Why did you let Loki suffer so?"  
" It is a part of life,son.One doesn't stop children from running for the fear of falls and grated knees... Similarly friendships, betrayals and heartaches are the things one should experience themselves. I thought you both will figure it out.But as I said you are too trusting and naive"  
" Why now?"  
" Because I see that you are still not ready,and if I don't talk about this you will turn to Loki for advice and I don't trust him."  
" Why. Can't you see how hurt he is? Don't you feel anything for him ?"  
" My feelings and Asgard's safety are two different things.I have accepted that I have lost him.But I will not loose you to his schemes.I am warning you"  
" Duely noted. but your disregard still hurts him, I can see it in his eyes. Can you talk to him, only once?"He tried again.  
" You are too much like your mother with your forgiveness and loving heart.She was too quick to love and accept him,It scared me" Odin had not answered the questions, so the answer was 'No'.  
" So you didn't brought him home through kindness.Was he just a stolen relic, a tool as he says?"  
" I will not lie with you, He was going to die if I didn't help him.I felt pity,yes.But I decided to take him in when I saw Laufey's markings on him. I thought I could use him to bargain for peace and return him to his family.But the child was natural shapeshifter, he changed in his pale white form in my arms.And Laufey never demanded his son back, so we assumed he had abandoned the child to die. Later when I brought him home,Frigga made me to adopt him.I conceded as I had also started to care for him."  
" Hmmm.Did Lofey knew you had him?"  
" I don't know.I assumed he knew, since the child was found near casket of ancient winters and I had taken the casket.But Laufey mentioned only the casket during negotiations.So we assumed he didn't care about his own son.It was expected from those monsters after all!"  
" You said, we assumed.Who are others in this 'we'?"  
" Tyr and his men had found the infant.So they knew.I had them sworn to secracy"  
" Oh" Thor didn't know what to say.That explained why Tyr's troops hated Loki.He was a ignorant fool, as his brother would say.And he was not liking it now that he was seeing true faces of people.  
" You worry for him" Odin observed.  
" Somebody has to "  
" Loki is good in administration.He took care of your duties when you were out drinking or gallivanting.I know for a fact that he had helped poorer population and orphans of men who had died in service. He also had forced me take them in services suitable for their skills. Find those who he took under his wing and you will find loyal guards"  
Thor gaped... It was surprisingly unsurprising!  
Of course Loki would help needy people , and of course his father knew about it.  
" I thank you father! " he said finally.  
'" Listen my son, kingdoms are not ruled with emotions. If you don't heed my words, I fear you will regret"  
" I will think about it,father.But I will not throw Loki to be picked upon by people.," (As you did) , was left unsaid. ," I will protect him, as is my duty" Odin nodded.  
They finished the meeting on good note. Thor was happy for that.But he needed to think, for he knew his father was clever, he could have used his words to turn Thor in his desired direction.So Thor would sit and think about every word exchanged between them and then decide his strategy.  
_@_@_@_@

Thor went to his study.He needed time to think and calm down.Loki could be very perceptive, and he did not want to disclose his talk with Odin.It would only serve to disturb his brother more. Loki was already plenty disturbed.He seemed lost, distant and avoided physical contact with Thor, though very subtally.He had stopped going out even for dinners and library, he slept before Thor came back to their bed. Sometimes Thor could see that he is feigning sleep and if Thor tried to hug him he would tense before forcing his body to relax. Whatever it was, it had started from the wretched day when Orwar attacked.So it was either connected to Orwar or to the nightmare that night.Whichever was it, Thor needed to talk with him and soon. Thor sighed.At these moments he really wished for his mother was here.She usually knew what to do. Oh, what he would give to go back in time when everything was simpler.  
He got some paperwork done. Asked for a report from steward about the einjenhars trained and appointed on Loki's wishes.He also asked for a list of families and persons who were under Loki's protection for any duration of time. By tomorrow he will have a legion of Loyal guards in palace.  
He was lost in thoughts,when guard disturbed him telling that Loki's servant Nanna wishes for audience.  
' Strange! ' he thought, ' Nanna usually waits for me at his chambers to talk.Must be important' So he called for her.Nanna entered and bowed.She was clearly nervous.  
" Nanna, you know you don't need to be afraid to speak your mind with me" He assured.  
" My king, I have a request" ,she shuffled her weight on her feet, wringing her hands.  
" A request you could not make in front of Loki, I am listening!"  
" Thor, I want you to keep the ring on him at all times,even at night" Thor frowned.In the past he would have brought his rage on her for such cruel interference in his personal matters. But this was Nanna, she will never think ill for Loki. So he asked,  
" Why? Please explain"  
" I found him with a dagger today.He was trying to cut his wrist, I think" ,Thor paled. " I snatched the weapon from him and I..I am sorry my king, but he was too lost in thoughts I had to slap him.I have heard him muttering curses to you. Apparantly, you have ordered his seidr to protect himself from anyone and the spell is preventing him to hurt himself. I have calmed him down and He is resting now. " She looked at Thor's anguished face and added, " But I suspect he will try again when you remove the ring."  
" But why would he..? I know he is disturbed by something but to this...Do you know why he did this?"  
" I have heard him, muttering words like monster and he kept saying,.'He was right, Thor would see... he will know' I tried to ask him but he was very distressed, my king" Nanna tried to explain. And suddenly it all became clear. He remembered the words Orwar had said to Loki.The maids had given detailed account of their exchange.He had dismissed that as druncard's blabbering, but Loki have taken them to heart. Of course, Loki had always been sensetive, Someone speaking about his heritage like that... He was going to get insecure. Thor laughed with relief.At last, he had found the problem, now he just needed to talk to Loki and assure him.He called an einjenhar in and asked him to bring proceedings and statements of Orwar Valson's trial.  
He was going to go prepared.  
" How are you my king?" ,Nanna asked.  
" I am fine, Nanna.Why do you ask?"  
" Because, I can see you have been burdened with too many things. The kingship, caring for Loki's health, Aesir being foolish as usual...it must be too much to shoulder at such young age" Her eyes brimming with worry.  
" It is. But I know its worth it.I love Loki and I love Asgard.So I have to do this. If anything, I am happy to have Loki by my side.He is amazing advisor!"  
" Hmm.That is true. " She came forward and touched his arm, " I know your mother would be proud of you, child. I know I am.But I also worry for you."  
Thor smiled.Her words were same as Odin said but yet he believed her more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am thankful for response the story is getting.I love getting you comments.Still Am I doing something wrong? Please tell me


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor tries to connect with Loki, Loki tries to accept himself and Thor's love.  
>  Warning: Some hints to lovemaking nothing graphic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this is another chapter.Its a milestone as Loki needed to face and accept his true nature.One of you had asked me if we will see Loki in his Jotun form ,so here it is friend.Do tell me what you think about it.

Loki was lost in his thoughts l when Thor came back. He had not visited library or any other place since four days. Since Orwar reminded him what he was. He knew palace will be brimming with rumours about the incidence and trial that followed.He knew for sure, who will be taking the blame in Aesir's opinion. He thought if he was born to be a scapegoat,and snorted. Maybe he wasn't totally useless.Odin had surely used him to place the blame of every bad thing that happened.  
He startled when Thor came behind him and hugged him.Carefully adjusting his face, with a smile in place he turned.But instead of melting in strong arms, he put his hands on the broad chest, as if to push or to keep the distance .He looked in Thor's eyes, finding a hurt frown.   
" Go, wash Thor, you stink."  
" We need to talk"It never ends well, with that phrase, but Loki for all his mastery over speech, could not find any excuse to dodge the conversation.So he asked,  
" About what?"  
" About us"  
" Thor..."  
" I want to know what is troubling you,love?"  
" It's nothing"  
" I know I am not as perceptive as I should be, But even I can see that you are distant with me"  
" I am not"  
" Then why are you pushing me away right to now?" Loki dropped his hands from the king's chest saying,  
"Oh.."  
" Oh exactly.Love I thought we are passed the stage of awkwardness and we can share anything. Can't you tell me what's on your mind?"  
Loki turned away and sat on bed , pulled his knees up and hugged his legs. Thor was not sure how l to bring the subject.. when he was suddenly asked,  
" Why do you Love me?"  
" What?" Thor was baffled. Loki looked up through his lashes, crimson blush dusting his cheeks,  
" What is there to love,in me... when everyone else hates me?"  
" Ah,You want me to complement you, I can do that. The way you are looking at me now, the way your nose crinkle when you are annoyed , the way your nostrils flare along with the crinkled nose when you are disgusted.. How the dimples appear only when you smile genuinely, The way your eyebrows frown when you are thoughtful or confused.Your every expression is adorable ,love.Thats why I love you " Loki was blushing furiously now., " Loki, you are most graceful, perceptive person I have ever met with.You are fierce in your love and loyalty, thats why you hurt so much when you are betrayed.Everybody knows you are intelligent, but that intelligence comes with a unique brand of humour.Your mischiefs were either answer to injustice or call for attention you deserved. I always knew you planned in multiple layers, but never in my dreams I could think that you will hurt me, truely hurt me." Loki was gaping like a fish now. When did the oaf had started thinking?   
" Yet I did hurt you" ,he said finally.  
" No you didn't.I am talking about your intentions here..."  
" You don't understand Thor, I will hurt you.I am not capable of doing good.I am a monster ..."  
" No,.you are not.You are my brother."  
" No I am not. What you see is just a mask of pale white skin so that people will not be scared or disgusted with what I really am!"   
" I don't think so .Its you, just in different form! " Thor was prepared for the outburst. " And I love you" ,he added calmly.  
" You don't.You are saying this to make me feel good. But you will be disgusted, when you see me, the real me!"  
" Then we just have to find out, won't we?"  
" What?"  
"I want to see you in Jotun form.."He could not complete the request before Loki interrupted,  
" No no no no Thor, you can't see me like that, you will hate me and throw me back in prison.Oh god, you're the prince,  
you slay the monster... you will be disgusted and you will hate me or or maybe you will give me to army like Orwar said... Please, Thor don't do that.Just kill me..." He was so lost that he didn't realise Thor was talking in until Thor boomed,  
" Stop talking Loki, and listen to me" The command took effect immediately clicking Loki's mouth shut. He still pleaded with his wide eyes,tears falling freely.  
"Love, you were too distressed, so I had to force you to listen.I think you are afraid of my reaction to your other form.Do you remember what mother used to tell us about fear?Tell me"  
" Face it?"  
" Yes.So if you are to overcome this fear, you have to show me... "  
" No please, I can't.." Loki whispered.  
" Loki, show me your jotun form" Thor commanded.Loki closed his eyes in defeat... the enchantment tingled as his body washed in blue...He opened his eyes to see Thor flinching in shock and then schooling his features.  
"Oh..." ,was all Thor could say.Loki was blue, but not as dark as other frost giants he had seen. He was paler powder blue.It felt right because his aesir form was also too pale. His body structure, features remained same but faint ridges of heritage lines appeared on his forehead, the lines going around his head through hair then running down intricately on his throat. and getting lost in his clothes.  
Thor's hand moved to touch, but stopped. hesitant he asked,  
" May I?"  
" Don't be stupid Thor, you will burn your hand.How will you explain frostbite to your sword-hand?" Thor moved back, baffled...  
" Tell me you are jesting love!"  
" Why would I? You forced me to show my disgusting form..I am but warning you"  
" Loki, Jotun's touch cause frostbite only when they are threatened or in battle.Its your protective mechanism. You can choose if you want to burn or not." Ruby red eyes widened.  
" How do you know, I am the jotun here!" Loki sniffed.  
" I know because I have been reading about jotuns" ,Loki did not contain the derisive snort in answer.  
" I know you think me a fool, maybe I am...but when I lost you to Abyss that day, I hounded father for the reason of your outburst.Mother was in no condition to talk after loosing you.So he had to tell me about your heritage..and your reaction to the discovery. I missed you so much.I started spending time in library, to get closer to you.It was your favourite place afterall. I started reading to pass time. There I found every book on Jotunheim and read it.. in search of some connection to you! I can't loose you again love, I will not survive it."  
He let tear flow down on his cheek.Loki sat there dumbfounded.Never had he seen Thor crying...not even for their lost mother.But here he was, All broad chested big muscled... with power to crush planets under his foot, spilling tears in fear of loosing a pathetic runt of Jotun race who was discarded by his own father... both of them. Oh the irony!  
"If what you say is truth, why don't we find your hand burns or not?" He asked curtly. Thor understood the invitation for what it was and trailed the markings on his forhead with light finger .Loki released the breath he didn't knew he had been holding.  
The finger went in his hair tracing a ridge lost in dark hair.Then he lost it pushing his whole hand in back of Loki's head. He held his lovers head in place, blue eyes enchanted by flames of red in jotun's eyes.He closed the distance and touched his lips to the corner of Loki's mouth, as if in asking... Loki answered with turning in and joining the kiss fervently. Soon He was gapsping in Thor's mouth as a touch starved man. When Thor broke the kiss, he looked disappointed, black hair unruly, red pupils blown almost to Black color and deep purple blush spreading on cheeks.Thor stared mesmerized at his beautiful blue brother.  
" Loki, you look..."  
" Don't!" Loki was not ready to hear Thor lie for his sake.  
" All right. Can I see more?" Thor didn't push.When Loki's eyebrows rose in question he asked again,  
"I would like to see your body in this form," seeing his brothers eminent denial, he addeld," Please Loki. I will not force you again. But show me.I promise I will not do anything else to hurt you" He was about to spill more promises, when with a sudden flash Loki's clothes disappeared. He layed there, tense and naked as a feast served before him. Thor trailed three faint markings coming from back of his neck to his chest with both hands.The Six lines met in the middle of Loki's chest to separate again and travelled to his back over the lower ribs as if lining his chest apart from his abdomen. Thors fingers stopped at his waist where the lines disappeared behind in lower back of Loki's body. He pushed his hands behind the thin waist, as if to pick him up to raise his lovers hips.He felt tremor running through the body below him and looked up to the Jotun face.Loki was gazing through long lashes as to anticipate his next move. Thor was surprised when he found Loki looked as desirable as he was in aesir form. In truth, Loki looked like most exquisite being on face of Asgard.He touched his lips to sensetive skin of the blue navel, it was soft and pleasantly cool.He felt the blue body shudder as his tongue pushed in cutest belly button he had seen.  
" Thor what are you doing?" Loki whimpered.Thor moved back and put his lips around the tip of cool tip of dark blue penis. Loki gasped and sat up abruptly.Thor took the shaft in his mouth.  
" No" Loki tried to push him back.Thor moved back releasing him. Seeing the king's confused face Loki added,  
" We can't do this Thor, not like this"  
" Why love, why do you say so?"  
" Look at me Thor, Open your eyes and see me. You are the king of Asgard, You may love my Aesir glamour for norns know whatever reason but you can't love this....this abomination!" He indicated his body with his hands. Hearing his pained voice Thor took his face in both of his hands and pecked his forehead with all the love he could muster.  
" But I do Loki, I do love you.." He wanted to say more, to tell him how much he loves him, how his every form makes him long to touch his love.But Loki's face was closed, guarded...He knew his words will not reach his brother now.  
" Why?" Loki whispered.  
" Because you are my Loki.. amazingly beautiful , cleverly mischievous and gracefully witty and kind and thoughtful and ..and you are you Loki..." Thor prayed whatever entity listened , to give him wise words.He remembered the ring was still in Loki's finger and promptly removed it.  
" But you are the prince and prince slay the monster. They don't fornicate Thor" , his brother whined, clearly distressed.  
" What are you talking about love?" Thor asked baffled by change in conversation.  
" Do you remember the stories mother used to read us?" Loki moved to lie in Thor's lap.His body changed yo his pale white form...  
" No Loki, why are you changing ?"  
" Because I don't want to be disgusting monster "  
" Listen well brother, you are no monster. You were born to a frost giant and raised by Aesir. So you are beautiful blue sometimes and flawless pale other times. You are different yes but by no means you can be called ugly or disgusting. You are the most beautiful frost giant I have ever seen" Loki looked away from his determined expression.  
" Now tell me what were you saying about stories Mother read to us?"  
" Ah. Do you remember they always narrated valiant adventures of a prince"  
"Yes.We used to enact to stories and be the mighty hero playing battle and adventures! " Thor said excited.  
" You loved that,yes. The prince used to be strong ,mighty golden hair prince well versed with weapons just like you.He was ideal Prince by Aesir standards , just like you.He always slayed the monster in the end of story. " Thor didn't know where this was going so he listened as Loki continued in detached voice,  
" I tried but could never relate to hero of the stories.Hero never had magic.He never faught with tricks. He was too much like you ... Now I know. I was never meant to be hero. I was the monster, that was slain in the end." Thor's face contorted in anguish.He said at last,  
" Norns Loki, I don't know what to say. How to convince you that you are not monster.I know,I have foolishly insulted your blood in my ignorance.I don't have enough words to change your mind. But I can show you, if you allow me"   
Loki looked at him questioning eyes.So he said,  
" Will you change into your Jotun form love, for me?" To his relief Loki's thoughtful face turned blue after a moment. He lost no time and started kissing his confused brother. As he felt needy moans escaping from Loki's throat, he moved his attention to long blue neck and started kissing every inch of blue flesh he could.   
Loki was almost begging with desire when he finally gave in and entered his lover's body .He made love to Loki as a  
promise and worshipped his blue body as a prayer.

  
"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a scene that indicates they they made love.I actually had wrote a graphic scene between them, but I somehow feel it was not very well written, and the chapter itself had least number of comments.So I kind of lost confidence to write such things. Please tell me how I am doing so far


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki trying to cope up after Orwar's assault. Also he may have new friends...as I hate the fact that he is so alone. Thor's friends also make appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey beautiful people! So so so sorry... For the wait. Real life is too demanding right now.bad excuse I know, but immediate boss is trying to get revenge on something I did...( I know what I did was rash and petty.... You don't take your boss head on! But I am stupid like that... ) And senior boss is crazy about working us to full potential.And my colleague have dumped his charge on me... And I am going to die if he doesn't come within two days..... So I will stop my ramblings and let's take you to our imaginary world.   
>  Love.

It took some convincing to Loki to accept to at least learn about his joutun form. He agreed to turn blue now and then to Thors satisfaction. The king had brought books about Jotunheim in their chambers so that Loki could read more about himself. Loki still refused to go out. Thor was trying to coax him out for dinner or tea with him.But the Orwar incident had been a blow to his newfound confidence. He was grateful that Thor did take a stand for him,and punished Orwar. But Thor was only person he trusted now, As he was now sure that aesir will not think before hurting him. Thor had changed whole palace security but the new guards were still aesir and Loki had no intention of meeting them, even if Thor begged him to. He knew some of them ,young einjenhars who were posted at the door of their chambers. They were orphans of warriors who died fighting for Asgard.Loki had taken them under his wing when he was prince. Raer was one of them, who was as good as his friend for the lack of being of noble blood. Whenever he had shift at Loki's door, he would bring sweets from a baker Hridlr, also one of Loki's pupil.Raer sometimes got other small gifts from lower towns, from people who Loki had helped. Loki understood Thor must have chosen guards loyal to Loki, but he could not bring himself to venture out and meet them.

_@_@_@_@_@_

They came when Thor was out doing whatever kings did. They shuffled towards kings chambers as if going to executioners axe. The guards on door obviously knew them, And promptly informed them that the king was not inside.   
" We are here to meet prince Loki" Volstag answered.  
" I am sorry my lord, Prince Loki doesn't recieve visitors"  
" What is your name guard.Don't you know we are his friends" Fandral asked.  
" My name is Raer son of Leif. And we are under orders to not letting anyone in."  
The warriors three bristled at rejection.Lady Sif was about to ask whose orders he was following when a loud voice caught their attention.  
"Raer, Its good to see you again" The burly young man was carrying many boxes in his hands.Raer moved to help him wordlessly.  
"Hridlr, why did you come yourself? You usually call me to take these"  
" Oh.We heard rumours.The women were worried for our prince..." Raer snorted.So he added," Don't laugh , you didn't see old Runa.She was ready to come and kill Orwar herself.I should have brought hoard of women from lower town and children from orphanage! "   
" Oh no.I am happy that you have come alone. Let me inform your presence." And he went inside to talk with Nanna.Thor's friends stood there , completely ignored.  
" Are you Aric's son ,lad" Volstag asked staring at Hridlr's face.  
" Yes my lord"   
" You know him?" Sif asked  
" His father faught in my legion years ago.A brave man, died honourably .I thought his son will surely join army" The biggest warrior explained..   
" I don't wish to leave my children orphaned and starving for honourable death and glory. I am happy to be a baker,my lord." Volstag looked as if the young man hayqA a slapped him.  
" It must have been difficult.I should have asked after you and your family.I am sorry." His apology didn't made any difference, the boy must have been immune to dry sympathy by now. Suddenly, the door opened and Nanna came to usher Hridlr inside.As the baker entered ,Raer went back to guard his post and Nanna halted at threshold.  
" What are you doing here?" She frowned at them unnervingly.  
" Watch your tone, woman!", Sif gritted,not liking the absolute lack of respect from a servant.  
" If you don't like my tone, you can complain against me. But the king is not in" She answered not at all affected.They all knew that Thor loved and respected her since childhood.   
" No need for the hostility my ladies. We just wish to see Prince Loki.If you would be kind enough to announce us." ,Fandral tried to placate   
" I don't think he should meet you in his current state.But I don't go behind his back and decide things for my lord under ruse of loyalty. So I shall ask him.", She snipped.Thor's friends didn't give any reaction to tell if the taunt had hit home. They waited in awkward silence. Nanna didn't come back for long time.  
When she did, she came with Hridlr in toe. He asked her to take care of the prince , and only after they said their farewells she turned towards the renowned warriors.  
" Prince Loki will see you now" ,she announced with disappointment clear while forgetting that Loki was not royal anymore.Sif's hand went to her sword, but Hogun kept a hand over her shoulder forcing her to bit back whatever she was going to say.  
They entered Thor's outer chambers with Nanna in toe. She was not going to leave her prince alone with them. Loki was sitting in a chair at a small diner setting, a plate of half eaten pastry in front of him .Volstag's mouth watered at the sight. They shuffled in and stood awkwardly.Nobody knew how to address fallen Prince. Loki didn't help, stared at them with blank gaze of his.   
" Hi Loki" ,of course Fandral would speak first.Small tilt of the prince's was only answer he got.So the handsome warrior faltered. Volstag took from where he left,  
" We are planning to go on a hunt.Only for a day. We want to invite you with us.."  
" Why?", he was abruptly inturrptedll  
" Why not? It would be fun, just the six of us on adventure again, just like in past" Fandral cheerfully resuemed.Loki frowned, what did they want? In past, they reluctantly allowed him to follow because Thor insisted or they needed some help with some magical obstacle. They would promptly disregard his seidr as tricks, after they had used him for their convenience.His seidr was not needed for hunt in Asgardian forest. And Thor had agreed to give him time to come out of chambers. So They must have come by themselves.But why now? He was Prince no more, they would not come out of kindness or pity, he was sure about that.It could not be some misplaced guilt, for they had never apologized for betraying him nor Odin had punished them for treason.They had tried to talk during dinners or other occasions but he never replied.And they always left it at that.So why come to him now?  
Suddenly, it all dawned on him.They had come after Orwar assaulted him.After Thor had stood up for him in public.Now that he thought about it, 'it must have been shock to them,to all Aesir. They think that Thor is too lenient with me.So this is a scheme to take me out and show me my new place.' He thought bitterly.  
" Ah.My master, your king has total control over me.You didn't need to come check.And I don't need any more mocking insults to understand my situation. I know and accept my new place,I assure you"   
They gaped at him. Finally,after long time Volstag found his voice,  
" What are you talking about.We are not mocking you.You are our friend"  
" Well,that didn't stop you in the past.And Lets be honest, I know you don't think I am capable of honesty but still, you are Thor's friends, not mine.You never were. You oh so readily commited treason, just so that I would not be sitting on Thor's throne.I am entitled to some prejudice here" ,He tried to control his voice from shaking and held his hands tightly under table. He will not show them that he was affected.  
They stood there stunned in silence.Loki had yet to offer them seats and it was clear that he was not going to now.Never had they thought , that their loyalty for Thor will come to bite them back like this. Loki was always insignificant in their eyes and now he held such power over Thor even from his disgraceful position. Thor was supposed to be on their side not Loki's.But here they were, short of begging in front of him.  
Sif was the first to compose herself.  
" I know we are not on friendly terms ,but we have grown up together Loki."  
" I remember that every tilme I feel scars around my lips, Sif" , His eyes held a glint that could not be deciphered .Sif turned away in shame. Nobody spoke but she looked back determined.  
" I wish some things had not happened, we all made mistakes.I hope we can start anew.We can be friends again."She tried.  
" For what? So you can abandon me for Thor's favour.Or you can show off how mighty you are compared to this pathetic Jotun runt."  
" There was never any comparison",Sif whispered.  
" Was there not?" , Loki was on verge of tears himself. It was clear by now, that Loki had the place in Thor's heart, she could never take.It was clear now that her grudge was not only for her lost golden hair.They stared at each other..  
" Loki,please.We need you to come." Fandral broke thep silence.  
" No.I don't care whatever you need from me.But I will not be protecting anyone's backside, So that I could be mocked afterwards for playing tricks."  
" If you don't want to agree for us, then do it for Thor.You know he is burdened with too much.And he needs a break.A hunt will lift his spirit and he will feel better", Hogun the sly fox always knew how to push his buttons. They both worked in silence, preferred their own weapons. They both were manipulators and understood each other perfectly.Yet ,Hogun had kept the group on his side, successfully creating distrust and calling the trickster on his suspicious behaviour.Hogun had played a great role in demise of Loki's reputation, his own grim appearance helping him to stay clean of rumours he himself started. A well placed word in right ear and Loki was doomed forever as betrayer, coward and honourless.Loki himself had given them reason for it but still Hogun the grim had taken full advantage of his situation to establish himself into Thor's little group.  
Loki was lost in these thoughts when Volstag asked again to come for Thor.  
" If Thor wish to lift his spirit by killing some poor creature, then by all means you can take him. Why do I need to come for him?"  
" We have asked him.But he will not leave you alone here even for a day.So you have to come."  
" Then he can order me to come, why are you here"   
" You know he won't command you. So here we are. Please Loki, don't you think he needs some relief.." , Fandral could really be charming when he wanted.  
" Very well.I will think about it"  
" I knew you cared about him.Thank you Loki. We will inform you the day."   
They filed out without meeting his eyes...he stared after them.And sighed. If Thor had sent them, he was going to have serious words at night.But they had a point. Thor was weighed down by Kingly duties, even more now that Odin was not doing anything to help him. In most days, Thor was so tired that he would fall asleep in between telling whatever he was telling Loki. It would do him good to ride out and hunt carefree.

"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell you how many times I have read all you comments..just to feel good on a shitty day. It's lovely to have you all... In serious need of your love and support...


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I felt so happy reading comments on last chapter,.. I thank you, and I love you for your response

Loki surprised everybody by riding his own horse. They didn't know him if they thought he would come in a covered chariot as his new station required.He was a concubine ,yes but he had been a warrior all his life.Thor kept saying that he had loved Loki as he was, so he had no reason to oppose.  
As the six horses rode out to forests, aesir stared at black horse and its pale rider. Loki was used to their staring by now, he just enjoyed feeling of winds on his face as he galloped his horse away from the palace, from place of his confinement, his cage . He carefully kept his memories of the place away, riding was one thing he really missed and he had never thought he would feel the thrill of it again.He let the golden sun warm him and let himself feel free as much as he could.  
He had not asked too many questions after seeing Thor so excited about the hunt. Thor had not stopped smiling since they left palace in early morning, when horizon was still dark. He laughed and joked and clapped jovially on his friends' backs. Loki decided that he liked this Thor, so happy and lovely..so much like the Thor he had grown up with.   
Thor didn't remain happy fot long time.As they started to lose game in wake of loud footsteps and booming comments of Volstag and Thor himself, constant bickering between Sif and Fandral even after her reluctance to argue. Overall stupidity that can be made only by Thor's friends. Only Loki and Hogun had the skill of remaining perfectly still.In past Loki would have helped with his seidr but today he stayed back and watched their antics uninterested.He was not part of their group, they were not his friends,he had accepted that truth finally and now he was under no obligation to help them.   
They were walking through dense forest, holding reigns of their steeds.Loki gazed at Thor's face, now frowning in lack of previous excitement. He looked murderous when Volstag chased another game with his loudness.  
" Stealth Volstag! you need to move silently." Fandral cheerfully commented.  
" And you need to shut up" Sif turned back   
to whisper at fandral.  
" Yes. learn something from Loki here.He can move like a ghost" Volstag commented , though he controlled his voice it was still loud.Loki stiffened.Thor looked uncomfortable, but the red haired man was trying to include Loki good naturedly. So he kept silent , trying to catch Loki's eyes.  
" Enough." ,Sif stopped halting the whole entourage."We have never had this problem before.Why everyone is being loud today?"  
" I hope Loki has nothing to do with that!" Hogun muttered but was heard by all , over Sif-induced silence. Loki faltered...but not in shock.He had expected this from Hogun actually.He stared at Thor, whose eyes widened and then narrowed in anger.  
" Hogun, take your words back and apologize" ,Thor said in calm authorative tone.  
" Why? I am just speaking my mind. And Loki has given us enough reason to be suspicious." Hogun answered in equally calm voice. He was right, Loki realised. Thor could not harm him over this reasoning.It would seem wrong.It was time to fight his own battle,  
" How kind of you to bravely voice your suspicion ,Hogun.Seeing our mutual distrust, I didnot want to come with you in first place. It was you and your merry band who begged me to come.But I assure you, I have nothing to do your failure today.In fact this would have been a regular happening had I not shielded your friends' noises in the past .Not that you will see the truth when you can find a reason to blame me." ,Loki answered and missed to feel the glee he would have felt seeing their faces. He only felt weary. Thor seemed understanding after he moved the stage of shock. Fandral opened his mouth first,  
" Loki, it was you who made our hunts easy! Norn's! And here I thought animals came by themselves for the honour of swords of Asgard's best warriors."  
"Of course, you would do that. fine trick if you ask me.Can't you do it today? You still have your magic right?" , Volstag asked, relieved to have a solution.  
Loki looked around, studying their faces,savouring the moment.For once he was needed, his seidr was wanted, required. Even Thor looked hopeful. But using his seidr in such way for continued time would drain him.He was already feeling tired, though all he had done was ride into forests and walked some distance.Shielding six people will surely be too much now... and he did not want to appear pathetic or pass out in front of these people. Even if he did this, it was not like they would start to appreciate him suddenly. It would be brushed away as tricks, in favour of boisterous tales of hunt and other's bravery.No they were not his friends, he owed them nothing.  
" Loki , will you..." Of course Thor will ask in his most pleading voice.But Loki could not let him... he cut him,  
" I refuse!",Thor shut his mouth," I will not help them, Thor.They are not my friends.And they have shown enough ill-will towards me to think them as my enemies." He felt bad at Thor's shattered expression, so added," They are your loyal friends ,so you can command me to help of course.But I refuse do so on my own."  
He moved his eyes from Thor's face to Sif and others one by one, taking in and accepting harsh reality .He knew Thor would order him to help.Of cource, his friends always came first and this hunt was important, first hunt since Thor was made king. He did not know if they had hunted while he was in dungeons. Maybe not, The emotional fool would refuse to go without his brother.Maybe that was the reason they had convinced him to come.  
' Should he tell Thor that he could not manage the strength to conjure and keep that big shield? Maybe If Thor commnded him to help, he could use their guilt later.' He wonderd what will happen if he doesn't obey Thor's command.He knew that his hand burns if he tried to cast a spell he was not allowed, but what will happen if he doesn't cast a spell he was oredered to? He would find out soon,he decided.And looked back to Thor, awaiting the command.Thor was frowning in thought and when he spoke it was not the command.  
" Loki, you said you refuse to help them.Will you help me" , Ah .So king had learnt the art of manipulation albeit it was a poor attempt...So Loki answered,  
" I understand, you want me to help you through helping them. This logic does not work for me,Thor.Say the command and be done with it."  
" You misunderstood Loki .I don't want you to help them.I asked you if you could help me, only me!" That was new, Loki thought and found that he would like to help Thor, very much so.  
" Yes,I guess?"  
" Ah. friends, you heard him.We are not going to get any game like this. I think its best that we split here and meet at our usual clearing near the lake after some time. So that,if any one group have some success, we can all be able to eat." Thor said amicably.  
" Are you abandoning us Thor?" Sif asked and grimaced immediately not liking her own question.  
" Sif please, you know it's only way."  
" There is actually one other way" , Volstag tried.Everyone looked uncomfortable, Loki stiffened.  
" I will not order Loki. We have promised him fun, and fun he will get even if we have to go back without any success.I will not use him like this" Loki felt his heart swell, he was so overwhelmed that he almost offered his help willingly.Almost. But Sif spoke up, in hardened voice,  
" Come on friends. Its a good strategy.We should obey our Kings command." And tried to smile before moving ahead. The three warriors follwed her without a word.Fandral threw a look towards Thor, while Hogun stared at Loki assessing him for any threat.Loki sighed after they were out of sight. Thor moved his horse in opposite direction.

_@_@_@_@_@_

They were on there horses as the density of trees was lessened in these parts.Loki's black steed was following Thors pearly white mare while he enjoyed the surrounding. The open skies showing through the canopy of greenery, the warm afternoon breez ,the voices of forest creatures and birds... it felt so much like a day in past that he could forget not only the pressure of enchantment on his mind but also the heavyness of the ring. He could ignore the fatigue that run so deep that his bones felt weary.He decided to enjoy the apparant freedom while he could have it.So he let Thor to have the privilege of kill if they come across any game.   
It happened so fast. Thor was watching the floor ahead to find and identify any tracks they will come across. He knew Loki had shielded all the sounds they made, yet he was trying to keep silent just to practice.He heard a swish at their right.Something was moving through the trees.. He was trying to feel the sound, to see where the thing was moving, but before he could decide the direction of whatever beast was coming to them, the boar was out of bushes running directly towards them. A little behind him , exactly onto Loki.Thor panicked, tried to turn his horse ,his horse panicked... and refused to do as ordered.   
Later when he thought about it ,he could have thrown axe at the beasts head or better he could have smashed it with mjolnir.. anything more than shouting Loki's name and running towards him like an imbecile as if to stop the boar with his bare hands.By the time he was there, the beast was lying in it's blood, a dagger embedded deep in its neck. Loki was staring at the corpse with bewildered expression, as Thor fussed over him. Finally Loki dragged his attention back and said, "I am fine"  
It was late afternoon, long past time for the lunch . Thor left Loki to rest under the tree and skinned the animal.Loki saw him struggling to start fire and spelled the flames alive. That was all help the king got and a pot that appeared out of thin air. While he used the spices they brought along to cook the meat, he thought about Loki's persistent weariness.His brother was looking almost haggard after only half days ride and a small skirmish with a boar. The enchantment was sapping his strength. He needed to find out a way to save Loki before it was to late. All father would not help, speaking in Loki's favor always had unpleasant consequences. No, he will find something himself, he decided. When he determined that fire was steady ,he left the pot over it.  
He came back to sit with his brother.Loki had turned blue and was staring at his hand.Spots of sun streaming through tree leaves made a beautiful pattern on his body.He had discarded his clothes except breeches   
" Blue day today?" Thor asked.  
" Mmm.wanted to see how this form looks under sun."  
" You look brilliant in sunlight" , he said and traced light and dark paterns on soft blue skin of his lover's chest.  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_

AFTER SOME TIME

As they layed there in aftersex bliss, one soft blue and one tanned golden naked body enwittened in each other.Loki layed over Thor's chest and traced hard lines of his muscles with his right hand.Thor held his left hand in his own right caressing the soft knuckles with his thumb.As their hearts settled and breaths started coming easy after passionate coupling, Thor spoke up,  
" Loki."  
"Mmm?"  
" we need to talk."  
"About?"  
"Thanos!" Thor could not miss how Loki's finger stopped on his chest, how his body stiffened.   
"Loki, you said he is coming.We need to be prepared"   
" Not now Thor" Loki said after he was able to control his frantic heart.  
" Love please.."  
" Your friends are coming Thor. Not in front of them.", Thor knew Loki had protective spells around clearing, so he could sense if anything approaches.  
" Fine. Just dress me waist down , I am rather comfortable here!" His pants appeared on him as Loki covered   
himself in his full clothing. Then asked,  
" Thor, do you want me to change into Aesir form?"  
" Mmm.Do whatever you want.I rather think you look gorgeous like this. Imagine their faces when they see you like this"  
" I would not live to see that... Imagine what they will do, if they found their king half naked, tackled to the ground by forst giant!"

In the end, Loki did not change back to Aesir form.But they sat side by side lounging around the tree trunk.When Warrior three and Sif entered , Volstag shouted greetings.  
" There you are Thor...We thought we have lost you.Loki, you are blue!"  
" I am a frost giant , Volstag.I am supposed to be blue."Loki rolled his eyes.  
" You are little small to be a giant , are you not?" Asked Fandral.  
" What did you think ,that I shrink my body when I turn Aesir ?"  
"I never thought about it.Plus its you, you can do anything", Loki knew Fandral meant well, it could be a complement but still it left a bitter taste in his mouth.They trusted him so little, that they thought he could do anything. He kept silent. Sif and Hogun joined them after tending to all four horses.Hogun carried two hares on his horse,that was all game they got. Loki wanted to taunt them, but then left it.He was not in mood to bicker.  
" Are you hungry friends.Meat is cooked"  
"Yes, very hungry .What did you get, is it enough for all?" Volstag asked happy about prospect of eating.  
" We got a boar.Loki killed it" ,Thor answered proudly.And manhandled him into his own lap.He was trying for a hug but then holding Loki close also felt good.Loki scowled and swat his hands away, annoyed.He then slid down and sat in space between Thors thighs, using Thor's chest as support cushion.Thor kissed his head affectionately.Loki looked around to see their reactions, he turned in time to see Sif who turned her gaze away, a frown marring her beautiful face. He felt bad for her, they used to be friends.Sif was one of his first friends before she decided that friendship with Thor was more beneficial. Loki himself had introduced them, but found himself being more and more alone as Sif created her space in Thor's little group. Loki was already mocked and insulted for tricks, so she decided that she could not be associated with him.She had her own problems afterall , so she got closer to Thor and his friends by enjoying their insults to Loki, slowly she also started taunting him.Somewhere along the lines she fell in love with Thor, hard.And Thor had never showed interest in her more than as a friend.Loki understood this now, He had felt angry and betrayed in the start.He played enough tricks on her to be remembered by whole Asgard as retribution.He had not been able to trust a friend since her betrayal, he learnt early that people associated with them for some gain and acted accordingly. Thor was a naive fool so he had to be protected from such attention, thus achieved his viscious reputation.Thor had managed to find friendship and loyalty in four people he was close to since childhood.Loki took care of all others, he knew that thor's stupid band was happy to keep others away and their own position protected.They never spoke of this of course ,but he was no fool.  
As Hogun and Fandral moved to serve them food, Volstag complained about lack of water.They had used up all their water. Thor volunteered, saying ,"you are tired friends.I will go fetch water for all."  
As they sat waiting for their King to come back.Fandral tried to flirt with Loki, who snubbed him saying, " Leave it Fandral.We have no love lost between us, not even the mock friendship we used to have..So there is nothing to stop me from killing you."   
" And why do you think we would not kill you after you harm one of us?" Hogun asked.Loki smirked, silly Hogun!  
" Sure.Why does it sound more like a relief than threat? Do you think I love my life, Hogun? I have no desire to live, please help me.But I know you would not do it.You have worked hard to earn the position you have now.Thor will at least throw you away if you harm me.You won't be his friend anymore" Loki streched his lips in a smile that didnot reach his eyes.Hogun understood he knew about his manipulations , of course he knows.They had earned Thor's frienship at his expense.Loki did not notice others expression in his bitterness.  
" Loki , are you...are thinking of killing yourself?" Asked Fandral.  
" I can't.that oaf has forbidden me." he answered truthfully. They sighed in relief.  
" Loki , I know this is difficult.You have suffered a lot.We wanted to apologize, for our part in it." Volstag said.Loki looked up to find them looking at him, with odd expressions.He tried to gauze their faces for lies.When he did not speak, Fandral said again.  
" I am sorry Loki.You have gone through a lot.And beared it all bravely.  
" No.you are not!" He said after a long pause.  
" What?"  
" You are not sorry. You were never my friends, so you don't need to be sorry for whatever you did in past.I have payed you in equal measures, no need to underestimate me. In truth , you only showed where your true loyalties lay in difficult times.I know that you are pleased that I am bound to Thor.My every action is controlled by him.You are glad that this ugly creature , this monster cannot do anything to harm you or Asgard.You are not sorry, so don't start lying now.Excuse me.I need to go find my master" ,and he left stunned four persons staring in silence.  
If Thor had left them alone in hope of reconciliation ,he was going to be disappointed. Loki helped him in carrying back some waterskins.And they all ate in ate in silence.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki visits his son and someone hears their conversation.

Thor was hiding something, he was sure. The thunder god was matured ,still he was a terrible liar and Loki had centuries of experience in reading people.So he was certain that Thor was not telling something.When he asked, the young king would shrug and say nothing or change the topic all together. Today, during breakfast when Loki asked what he was going to do today ,Thor answered him with same question. And suggested him to go for walk somewhere around the palace instead of spending all day in library ." Just take Raer and Dagr with you, I will not be worried if I know you have guards with you." He added.  
Loki had half a mind to follow him to find out what was going on. Instead he decided to take the advice seriously and visit the stables. He had not been able to talk to sleipnir when he last went there to ride out for hunt.He left his guards out of stables with instructions for no disturbance.He was welcomed with a happy snort from the black horse.  
" Hey boy.How have you been?" ,he was answered with a wet muzzle nudging to his cheek getting a giggle," All right.fine fine.. Its been a long time.I appolozise.I was busy." The horse moved its head to his shoulder and let it rest there,as if hugging neck to neck.Loki sighed,  
" You must have heard rumours.Stable boys are talkative and I have been talk of the realm lately!"   
' I don't care about rumours.I was waiting for you.' He heard Sleipinir in his mind. They were magical beings, and they had strong connection.So this method of communication was easy.He moved back,and stared at amber eyes of the black steed. Odin had prohibited him from visiting Sleipinir, saying that its for his own protection. He had cursed his father for keeping him from only being that actually cared for him.His mother tried to explain that the foal will remind him of Swadilfari and the tragic circumstances of Sleipinirs birth.Placating with honeyed words of Odins wisdom and care for him.He didnot say that Sleipinir does not resemble his sire in any way, His dark mane and red curious eyes could not be more opposite than Swadilfari's white coat and black lustful eyes .Yet he had grudgingly accepted her explaination, too afraid to to anger her lest he loose his mother also.But that did not stop him from secretly visiting the foal, he could not abandon the child he brought in the world , despite its form.In truth, forms and shapes of bodies mattered so little to him, being a shapeshifter he always recognise others by their hearts, their energy. His seidr connected to others life force and thus reading their hearts.Thats why he could smell the lies, thats why he trusted Thor's noble heart.  
" I should have come earlier.I have not been myself.", He explained guilt clawing his heart.Got another nudge in reply.  
" Sleipinir, child I would not burden you with my tale.Just don't believe everything spoken around you. " ,The horse neighed in protest and looked at him with such empathy that no animal should be able to manage.He understood and laughed a little at the stubborn attempts of the steed to get him to talk.  
" I just tried to achieve something that was never to be mine,and was made to know and accept my true place." ,He tried to explain.  
" Your place is not as Thor's slave.And you should not be punished for trying to get the throne." Sleipinir almost screamed in his mind.   
" Oh.so you have been evesdropping.No I am not Thor's slave, its ...its complicated.I will try to explain later.And I wasnot trying for throne, child.I was trying for Odin's approval, or recognition or.. I don't know anymore.It is past." He faltered as the horse forced its forhead to touch his... a true intimate guesture. His eyes welled up with tears.  
' Stop calling me child' , Sleipinir said as if to lighten his mood.He smiled,  
" You will always be a child to me." He touched the horse's neck scrubbing where briddle itched against the skin and added,  
" No matter what happens, whatever you hear , always remember that I love you.And you have me as long as I live." , He got pushed at his chest for talking so cynically.But he needed to prepare his son.  
" Don't throw a tantrum now, if you want to be taken as adult." ,Sleipinir snorted. " I know, I know .You are my son afterall but my days of throwing tantrums are over.I have been shown folley of my ways, your rider showed me no kindness while doing that." He recognised anger in Sleipinir's eyes and hurried to calm him , " It turned out well in the end. Don't do anything foolish.I want you to listen carefully " He looked up to catch red eyes ,and continued,   
"You must be careful child.I will not be here for long time" ,they both didn't notice sharp intake of breath behind the stall.So he answered when Sleipinir asked where he was going,  
" I am going to die,soon!" , Sleipinir neighed, agony in that voice could be understood anybody who heard.  
" No, I am not going to kill myself. I would not do that to you nor I am able to. You have heard I obey Thor now , right?", at his son's nod he continued, " the spell that causes this,is wearing me out.Thor removes it during night. that's what enables me to regain some strength, but it would not be for long.I am dying,slowly and we need to accept it" Sleipinir kept his head on Loki's shoulder and asked after long time,  
'Why Thor allowed this?' Loki laughed,  
" That oaf knows nothing about magic, this kind of dark magics that obey no law of nature, that uses a being's own will against them are far beyond him.And he is your uncle, show some respect!" earning a snort from his son.  
" You two are more alike than anybody can think", a voice behind them caused them both to jump apart in surprise.  
" Sif,I thought my guards would respect my need for privacy" ,he said keeping a soothing hand on sleipinir's neck.  
" They do.They are very loyal to you!" Loki raised his eyebrows._ " I was already inside when you came."she explained.He frowned,  
" You heard everything!"   
" It was hard not to." Loki felt sudden anger at the answer, " and I am called cowardly deceiving trickster, while honoured warriors walk around evsdropping private conversations."  
" I am sorry ,Loki.I did not intend to." ,Loki had not expected such quick apology,Sif was too proud for that.So he only stared in confusion.  
" Loki ,I would have made myself known earlier had I not been too distressed. You know I come here to think.You used to call it sulking", she added urgently.Of cource Loki knew that. She was his first friend, before she decided to ditch him for Thor and his group.In fact , him knowing she would be here has caused their ill fated fight.   
She had left, angry after Thor and his baffoons had teased her about her womanhood incessantly. Loki knew where she would be and followed her to the stables. In her anger, she tried to push him away, he tried to keep talking and told her how he himself is mocked and how he ignored it. She had stupidly screamed , " You ignore because you are too coward to face them and maybe they are right. You are an argr!" Loki had felt like she has slapped him.He left without giving her chance to apologize.She didn't follow. He could have challaged her for holmgang over such insults, but she was a woman and she had said that in private. So he schemed and took revenge in private.Next day Sif woke up with a bald head.  
Sif could see the memories replaying in his mind. So she said what she should have ,years ago.  
" I am sorry Loki, for everything. Especially for what happened after you cut my hair.I should not have heeded Hogun about taking you in court.Nor should I have called you Argr in first place.It was all my fault"   
" Well, isn't this pleasant surprise.Mighty lady Sif apologizing to the traitor.Whats the catch, Sif ? Is this some new game?"  
" No Loki.Others have no hand in this. I think I have masked my guilt long enough with petty grudges and jealousy. It's time to face the truth.I betrayed you first, in favour of Thor's friendship.You still tried to remain a good friend, but I insulted you and threw that away. "  
" And conveniently blamed everything on me " , he added bitterly.  
" Loki, I am trying to apologise here.You know it's not my strong suit and you were wrong to cut my hair" ,Sif said offended. Loki smiled.It must be too difficult for her.  
" Hmm.but I had apologised for that.Thor made sure I would.So if you don't mind , I would like to speak with my son." ,he indicated her to leave.But she stayed firm on foot,  
" What did you say about this uh, arrangement killing you, is it true?"   
" I may be a liesmith but I do not lie to my son.give me some credit ,Sif"  
" You said Thor does not know, why did you not tell him"  
" And how is that your business? I know you will certainly like me gone, but what is between me and Thor, its only between us two. You should wait for my demice,lady!" ,her face fell.  
" I would not celebrate your passing, even if you believe otherwise.I want you to tell Thor so we can find a solution and you can be saved.I would not wish such heart break for him, And I will not loose my first loyal friend even if he has not forgiven me for being lousy friend." Sif had unshed tears in her eyes.Norns ,Sif never cried and she was almost crying.What was this?  
" You are not lying!" He concludes  
" I do not lie." , like you do, is left unsaid but he hears it.  
" If you are as genuine as you want me to believe, I would like to ask for a favor"   
" Anything" She assures instantly.  
" Will you visit sleipinir, when I will not be able to? He is not mindless beast , you can talk to him when you are disturbed if he wants to. I am sure you would like someone who would not betray you and spread rumours about you." Sleipinir neighed his protest but Loki held a hand up to silence him.Sif was sure the horse looked chastatised.   
" I would if he would have me.But Loki, I still think we need to do something about this."  
" Its too late Sif.And its for the best, I promise. I really need some rest. You don't think I enjoy being Thor's bitch do you?" Sif frowned,   
he should not be asking for death. But then, any of this should not have happened.She herself had played her part in this , Loki had never trusted anyone after her and grown up lonely and distrustful.  
" I would not hear anybody talk about my friends like that., even you! So shut up" She admonished.  
" And I am said to be incapable of sincerety..As soon as I try to speak truth, I am told to shut up." Sif sighed.It was true though. Loki's reputation was so butchered that whenever he tried to tell truth, nobody trusted him and when he was proven right nobody apologised to him. Aesir would find a reason soon to blame it all on him. She herself had stood against him every time.  
" I am sorry Loki.Its not fair. I should have been a better friend"  
" Stop it .And you were best friend there could be, ...to Thor at the least.I am happy that he has you."  
" Even if Thor was the reason I did those horrible things to you?"  
" Yes .I will not make you say it.I know the pain of heartache.And to see him every day and never recognise your feelings ,I understand. But why were you jealous of me? I was just his pathetic little brother.Even after you established yourself as his friend ,you kept scorning me."  
" You will not understand .At first I wanted him to let me in, yes.It was for selfish reasons. I did not even liked him first, he was an arrogant oaf as you used to say.But then I saw his noble heart, kind soul and his selflessness. And promptly fell in love.But then I also saw how he looked at you, it angered me. How you looked at him.There was no coming in between you two.And everybody thought I was angry about my hair still. So...." She shrugged.  
" What do you meen ,I looked at him.I have always thought him as brother ,at least until..."  
" You stupid oblivious brat, you claim to be so clever and yet can not understand your own feelings" , she shook her head, " Tell me why did you never leave Asgard? All father and we were always unfair to you, you were unhappy , lonely and you clearly knew something was not right.Then why did you stay?". Understanding downed on his face. He did not leave because he had Thor, because he would lose his brother if he left, because Thor might not forgive him or yet forget him or will be heartbroken.Every option was worse than other.Thor was his anchor.So he stayed and lied and played tricks and lost everything in stead of loosing his brother.And he was happy still.  
" Now you know! You both loved each other, but were too stupid to understand it. And I could see it"  
" I am sorry Sif. I should have realised your pain.But I promise, when I am gone you will have him. He will need someone, You will make a nice couple.You should be the queen...."  
"Will you stop? I said I want you both to be happy, with each other.Without anyone dying. Do you understand?"  
" Sif, its the truth. He will need.."  
" He will need to find a solution to this problem.So go and tell him.Or I will."  
" Please don't. "  
" Loki , do you really think he will survive without you? You both do stupid things without each other.If he was not banished when you found out your true blood, I still think this desaster would not have happened.".Loki sighed.  
" All right.I will speak to him, when I can.But you will not say anything"  
She just nodded yes.  
" Sif, you didn't tell me why were you sulking here in first place?"  
" Well I could not stay in court room after seeing them.I know its difficult for Thor also, but he is king, he has to welcome them.But me, seeing them was too much for me.I had to leave."  
" What are you talking about?" ,Loki could not fathom what was going on, but he was going to find out,soon.  
" What else.Dwarves are here for some negotiation I don't know.But seeing them does not make me happy. You are also avoiding them right?"  
"Dwarves?"...Loki faltered in shock.So this was the what Thor was hiding.They are welcome here, Thor himself welcomed them.And had been keeping it from Loki.  
"Loki?" Sif touched his shoulder.," Are you allright there?"   
" Yes" was all he could say.  
" Listen, I know I have done too much to be forgiven.But I intend to have your back from now on, like I should have done before. I will be a loyal friend if you would have me still."  
Loki could not understand what she was saying, he just nodded.

  
,

Sleipnir  
Sif

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I am sorry to taking this long, but I am really dealing with something that I can't disclose.Writing this story has turned into an outlet or relief for me.   
>  Though real life has wearing me down, I am glad that I am doing something useful with my life.I have been in a place where I did nothing and wasted my days.I used these stories to take my mind off the real things. I know there may be a few who are going through a bad phase.I understand that your inactivity is not just because you are lazy. But you can not fight depression like this.Please get out, do things ,meet people.... Give yourself a target.My prayers are always with those who are fighting to take control of their own life. Love.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah this is an apology for skipped update last week. An intimate outlook on Thor and Loki's relationship.   
>  Warning: Kink and fluff  
> P.S. Guide me how to tag this?

Loki was in shock since his meeting with Sif.He spent whole day contemplating if he wants to confront Thor or not. Thor had lied to him. No, he had kept from him that dwarves are here, welcomed for a diplomatic purpose. Lying by omissions, same thing Loki had done thousand times in his previous life.The same thing his so called parents had done to him and thrown him into a path of destruction. And now Thor had done same thing to him.Why? was he so hated by the norns that he could not have love and trust from a single person. He was still wallowing in self pity, when Thor came barging in.

Thor saw Loki sitting on a chair and went to hug him from behind. He Nuzzled the pale neck and asked,  
" Shall I take you for walk?" Loki just shook his head 'no'

" Tonight we are having a 'dinner date', as its called on midgard. Only you and me dining in moonlight ,What do you think?" Thor said resting his chin on raven head.Loki said nothing, so he added,

" Love,are you all right? I wanted to make it surprise but Nanna said you are upset about something,so I told you in effort of cheering you."

" Whatever you say", Loki sounded like he was sad or disappointed.Thor walked in front of him and knelt taking his both hands in his own.   
" What is troubling you,love?"

" You lied to me!" smaller man whispered. Thor felt like hitting himself, he should have known that Loki will find it out.

" I did not want to hurt you.",Thor said after a pause, " I thought seeing them will be difficult for you.It was not easy for me, even Sif left."

" So you lied to protect me? It seems a familial trait.... protecting me I mean."

" I was going to tell you tonight, brother trust me.I had no ill intention in hiding dwarve's visit. I know it's difficult for you to trust anybody right now, but will you, for this one time believe me? "

" What choice do I have?" his lover answered bitterly.

" I never wanted our life to be like this,love.But I care for you.If you don't trust me , you can punish me, however you like.I will remove the ring if you want to hit me.",He removed the ring from Loki's elegant finger.

" You are an oaf" ,slender man stood up exasperated

" So no hitting then?" Thor asked amused. " I will be back to take you for for dinner, I have to go back now" 

" Why are you dining with me tonight? There would be a feast for them " ,Loki asked.

" I just wanted to make it clear that I prefer your company over theirs, in case they try to act smug around you." Thor sighed in relief seeing Loki's smile at his explaination.

" Thor ,you can not avoid your own feast in honour of your guests,even if those guests are dwarves. They will take it as insult."

" Let them. They had gall to come here and ask for head of my brother. Its them who want Asgard's favour,not me." , Loki knew that both realms depended on each other, Asgard needed weapons and Swarthalfeim needed wars brought by Asgard to sell those weapons. So he ignored the king's outburst and asked the question that was bothering him,

" Are they both here,I mean...." ,he trailed off touching his lips unconsciously.Thor understood,

" No.Eltri and Brokk are not with them.I may have hinted beforehand that they are not welcome.But still they all look similar, and they are all cruel and stupid.I would like you to stay away"  
Loki nodded, lost in his thoughts.

_@_@_@_@_@_

Thor was irritated..Loki has been pestering him to attend the council since night.Even though he had clearly stated that he wanted to keep his lover as away from the dwarves as possible, said lover had somehow decided that he wanted to face them.Now they were having same argument over breakfast in their private dining room.

" Oh, don't you take that patronizing tone with me, you promised we will be equal here." Loki pushed his half eaten plate away.

" We are equal and I am trying to protect you.You should finish your food,brother" ,Thor said calmly.

" Stop mothering me, I am not hungry anymore", with that said Loki stood up and stomped inside.

" I hate it when you take your anger out on food." ,Thor follwed and tried to hug him.Loki ducked away.

" I want to come Thor, you yourself said I have to face my fears.I will not do anything extreme, please let me attend the negotiations"

" You know I would not command you but I still do not like them near you"

" I can handle it. You yourself made me advisor"

" No Loki" ,those words caused the slender man to stiffen.

" You will have to order me while I am wearing the ring, else I am coming" ,he answered stubbornly.

" What if I prevent you without help of the ring?"

" You want a wager with me? the trickster?"

" Depends upon prize! what will you give me if I win?" ,the king sounded amused to Loki's chagrin.

" You will not use the ring to stop me and you will not hold me physically or by tying me." He listed his conditions ,Then as afterthought added , "No mjolnir allowed also"

" Accepted.Tell me what will be my prize if I stopped you you from going out?"

" Don't look so smug you oaf! Tell me what you will give me when I get into the council room, because I am going to follow you the moment you are out of our chambers"

" That is to be seen my love. But if you can leave this room before meeting ends, I will grant you any wish that is in my power" ,he answered thoughtfully.

" Very well, don't worry.I will not ask for my freedom. "

" And what do I get when you are stranded here for the day?" Thor changed the subject blatantly.

" What can I give you? I own nothing! I am your property myself!" 

" You are not my property, you are my beloved. And you can give me same thing I promised you. You can grant me one wish if I won."

" You can command me anything.What does one wish means to you?" ,Loki said .

" You know I don't like to order you around.I may hesitate to command in some cases, so maybe it will be of use some day.Or I can use it in bed, you never know!" Thor answered with a grin, eyes dark with lust. Loki sighed and kept his face thoughtful.  
Thor went out and said something to the guard.  
When he came back, he kissed Loki with full force and pushed him towards bed. 

" Stop thinking ,love.Say yes" he said pushing Loki's trousers down the long legs.

" Fine.but we are not doing this now" , Loki tried to push him away.Thor kissed the tip of his half hard length and asked,

" Are you sure, love? Your body seems to be interested"   
Loki narrowed his eyes," Stop teasing me, Thor. we both need to leave now."

Thor was about to answer when a knock was heard from outer doors.He got up and pulled a soft covering on his lovers body and went to answer the door.

When he came back he had a small bowl filled with ice cubes.Loki's brows went up in question.Thor pulled the covers silently. And kissed there,just because he could.As Thor moved to dip his fingers in lubricant, Loki spoke,

" What are you doing,we will miss the meeting.Aah...." he lost the thought when a finger entered him.They had explored each other's bodies once they accepted their desire. Thor loved having Loki in every way, Loki loved experiments. So having Thor's fingers in his back enterence instead of his vagina was arousing in stead of shocking. He moaned when cool ice slid inside him. Thor kept teasing his both genitalia along with pushing ice cubes inside .By the time the all the ice disappeared in his body, Loki was whimpering with desire ,precum leaking from his steelhard manhood.

Thor stood near bed and admired his handwork.His beloved looked delicous lying there naked waist-down. He had dishelved his tunic in his thrashing riding it up, exposing alabaster skin of his abdomen. His upper buttons had got undone revealing collarbones.Thor wished,he could stay and devour his brother squirming like a feast layed before him. But that had to wait. He bent down to kiss his beloved's forehead and in the same motion slid the ring in his finger.

"Wha..." Loki was so confused that he looked adorable. 

" I promised you, I shall not command you to remain here.But I command you to keep the ice inside.You will not remove it or melt it early. You will keep it in untill it melts on its own or I come back and help you with this " ,he said giving a tug to now hard penis.Then added with a smirk, " You are welcome to accompany me, brother! And you are not allowed to use your jotun abilities or your magic today" 

Loki staired in horror, as the realisation hit him. He could not go out with ice in his body. His bodyheat will melt it slowly, leaking the water out.It would make a wet stain on his pants and Thor had forbid him from using magic. People would think he wet his pants, he shook his head.Shame and humiliation were the feelings he was familiar with, Aesir made sure of it . But what Thor had threatened him with, he could not allow to happen. He didnot realise when Thor had left.Loki groaned , "When did the stupid Oaf has become so clever? " He squirmed in discomfort , tho cool ice tantalising his privates.He could not be hurt by cold, but it was not very pleasant sensation. He moved to find a comfortable position and touched his manhood. He soon lost himself in pleasure and totally avoided thinking about his defeat.

"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry people.I seriously could not make it last week.Will try to make it up to you.  
>  I have tried to keep more space as advised by someone. Please tell me how it looks.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little confrontation. Thor and Loki clear air and make their bond strong

Loki ended up meeting dwarves just before their farewells. It was not as bad as he had thought, they still appeared smug, they resembled greatly to the two that were responsible for his first major humiliation.He shuddered at the memory of Thor , holding him down as Eltri piereced needle in his lips, the agony as leather thread was pulled through the flesh.He remembered malicious glint in Brokk's beady eyes as he kept his head steady with vice grip in raven hair. He remembered ,how he wanted to scream but could not. The agonised keening and whimpers that sounded strange to his own ears .He remembered the pain, the shame the hurt and yet he remembered Thors eyes swimming in sympathy as he held a supporting hand to his back after the ordeal.He remembered how Thor tried to dab the blood from chin after he stood on weak legs, how he followed close to be there if his shell shocked brother was unable to walk and fell over.... Looking at Thor's face he realised the king was also reliving same memories. He nodded encouraging Thor to deal with necessities and left , a guard on his toes.  
Thor was worried for his brother.He looked distressed yet attended official farewells for dwarves. It must be difficult for him ..he never talked about the events that lead to the dwarves sewing his mouth shut .. they had caused great harm to his little brother. Thor himself had harmed him And yet Loki was here in fine clothes acting as a royal concubine looking gorgeous. He was worried that this would cause grief to his brother but as always Loki had stood strong and surprised him.But Thor was not the arrogant fool he once was. He knows how Loki guards his true emotions.He wished for these trials to be over and he could enjoy some peace with Loki....Norns!he was so tired!

_@_@_@_@_

Thor wisely decided to talk to Loki before Jotuneim visited. Loki had been very calm when he had been told about king Helblindi's letter to request a visit. Loki's heritage was a public knowledge now, but Helblindi could not find out that they were blood brothers.Also after Loki's fall in void, Allfather had informed jotunheim that the bifrost turning their way was an accident.And Jotunheim was in no position to ask retribution for their loss. So there was no way for them to know that Loki was the culprit. Still the upcoming visit of Jotun deligation had made the king nervous. It was a rare occasion for a king of other realm to visit asgard, more so for the Jotun king.. being sworn enimies.

Thankfully, Loki took the news well. He listened and asked questions and thought about it all.Thor was relieved.Loki even asked if the king wants him to meet Jotuns. That was confusing.

" What do you think? Don't you want to see the negotiations?" 

Loki waved his hand dissmissively.." I don't care. They don't mean anything to me and the council would not like me there.I would be blamed for something or other. You talking with Jotun king is already too much for them. I don't think I can take another fall if something goes wrong."

" You are my advisor. This is important and I think I will need you by my side.", Thor pushed. 

" Fine. " Loki sighed and went into Thor's waiting arms.

"Whatever happens, love. I would not allow anyone to hurt you.Nobody is allowed to blame you for things you do not do.You trust me, don't you ?" ,Thor asked holding him close.

" Hmmm but I know not why you trust me so? They are not wrong to feel suspicious.. I.. I have decieved enough for it."

" You were forced to invade midg.." ,Loki move back away interrupted , sharply

" I was not. I chose that.I talked Thano...him into invading your precious mortals, knowing you will interfere.I caught everyone's attention and ensured your green raging beast would be there, so that you will locate tessaract.I let him thrash me so that residual effects on my mind will be gone..I double crossed him.Get it in your thick skull! 

" And what were your other options had younot chosen to do so?" Thor was angry now. Loki took a step back, taking in his expression. 

" You are so adamant to make me appear innocent, but I am not.Nothing is as good as you persive in me"

" It's not as bad as you think either.You are not a monster Loki, stop being stubborn"

They stared at each other, angry gazes warring.. suddenly Loki smiled.. that sharklike smile of his.

" And what about my crimes earlier, what about Jotunheim, I turned bifrost on them? I ruined your coronation, I goaded you to go to jotunheim, I tried to kill you Thor, I sent the destroyer... I cheated I lied I decieved I tricked... All I ever did was with an ulterior motive.How can you forget that? Why are you not angry with me?"

" You want me to be angry?" , Thor snorted in disbelief, " I was enraged.I could not see your face else I would have attacked you.That was the reason I never visited you in early months of your imprisonment.But mother did, even through projection she did visit you.", his voice turned softer in memory of their mother, " She used to talk about you.I never expressed interest outwardly, but she must have seen that I wanted to hear about you, to know how you are.As she talked about your pain, past and present I realised how much I have hurt you, how lonely you were.It was my fault that you suffered so much.I am sor.."

" Don't you dare.. Thor. Don't you deflect my questions with your apologies.I am asking ,why are you not angry when you should be furious? Why are you so..so..." , he could not finish his question. 

" I was furious , as I told you Loki. I was angry at first.Then as started seeing my mistakes, my anger gave way to guilt.I am not angry with you anymore, hurt,yes. but not angry! I was hurt that you was not honest with me, you ruined my coronation, you sent me off to my banishment, you tried to kill me! But what hurt me the most was, you lied to me ,you came and told me that father was dead! You tried to break me , I still wonder why."

Loki stayed silent, now afraid that he had finally invoked Thor' s wrath. 

" Tell me why, Loki.Why did you do that". Loki took a step back, from Thor's looming face.  
" Thor ,I am.."

" No.I do not want your apology. I want answer." ,the king raised his voice unknown to it's effect on his brother.

" Please, I did not mean to. I just did not know how to stop you,and it was my only chance.. to to prove myself.I was too angry, too lost to know what I was doing.I am sorry,Thor .I just wanted you to feel my pain once.I wanted you to feel helpless, as I was.I should not have lied to you.I am sorry Thor, please I will be better.Please don't throw me away.. please please not to the prison.You are all I have..norns I I can't. lose you now", Loki was so scared that he did not see Thor's changing expressions from rage to hurt to understanding to that of worry. He remembered Orwars comment about Thor throwing him to army,and lost himself to wild panic. Thought of loosing Thor's favor was suddenly too much, he could not think of a way out of his predicament. He slid down on his knees, sobbing.. as if to beg for forgiveness he knew he was not getting. He did not hear Thor calling him, desperately.

" Love, look at me , brother. Its fine.I am here, shh shh..."

" Loki, breath with me ,love.Do not make me to bring that cursed ring... please love, breath.Its fine. Breath. I am not sending you anywhere"

When Loki became aware of his surroundings, he was sitting in Thor's lap.He was engulfed in large arms, his breath coming easy now, he took other man's familiar scent in and relaxed.  
" Love?" Thor whispered in his ear  
" Mmm"  
" Are you with me?" 

Loki looked up, eyes shining with remorse," I am sorry Thor.I will take any punishment just don't send me away. You are all I have please ,I.."  
Thor put his finger on his lips, silencing him.

" Loki, I am not sending you anywhere. It is established that I can not be without you.You may not believe, but you are all I need,love.I would throw this kingdom away for your smile.Never, ever doubt that. Never doubt that I would choose you over anything.I am going to love you till my last breath and even after that."Thor said with all sincerety he could muster.He prayed to norns, that his words would reach Loki's panic addled mind.His eyes brimming with love and unshed tears. Loki's tears were flowing freely and he was smiling happily now.

" So we are not getting rid of each other." ,he said in hoarse voice.

" Oh no.You are stuck with me."

" I would not have it any other way, my king." , Loki's chest bloomed with something like joy. He had not felt this for a long time.He wished he could find words for the feeling.He wished he could express them to the most important man in his life.He wished the time would stop and this moment would freeze him in other's hug.. he quiet loved it there.He sighed.One day he was going to tell Thor in proper words, how much this means to him .How much he loved him! One day!

"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah this is sa small chapter, I am behind my schedule so this is apology.  
> And please do let me know how I am doing. If you do not comment, I tend to think the chapter has gone wrong somewhere. So your comments are the fuel I need


	20. Not an update

Sorry not an update. I am struggling with a scene where Loki confronting Odin and visit of Jotun king. Gosh I don't know if I should make Loki scream and cry or threaten him with a promise of revenge in silent rage. Also the drama is evading me... please be patient.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki not feeling well, Fluff fluff fluff.  
> Guys keep track of his symptoms will you?  
> Also Jotun king is visiting!

Loki woke up uncomfortable. He felt cold ,his body ached and his nose felt clogged. he tried to clear it and failed. So he moved around trying to find comfortable position , he put his head on Thor's chest and looked at the snoring blond.Thor brought his hand around his lover's thin frame and held him close, without waking up. In few moments he fell asleep to the steady beat of Thor's heart.  
  
When he woke up again, Thor was gone. Still it was too early for him to wake up.Missing warmth of the king's body, he decided to get up. After he was awake and ready in fresh clothes he still was not feeling very well. He felt warm and tired. His clogged nose refused to provide him enough air. The room seemed too congested, and he craved Thor's presence. It was most confusing, he rarely got affected by cold. He decided that open air will do him good, and went out for a walk.His legs carried him to training area, where he had trained every morning for centuries. Where Thor was practicing now. He walked near sparring pit, and stood under a tree, nervously wringing his hands.Sif noticed him first, and walked over to him.  
" How are you this morning, Loki?" Her face was flushed with exercise and she seemed genuinely interested.Loki just nodded. Thor was wrestling with Volstag, both of them had discarded their upper clothes. Covered in dirt and sweat, both kept grunting curses and trying to overpower each other. Loki stared as Volstag dragged the king in headlock, grinning away as Thor sweared in choisest words. Fandral whistled. Loki only muttered," brutes!" under his breath. He was feeling hot now, because of his illness or Thor's undressed body showing his tanned perfection he could not tell. Suddenly Sif's face appeared too close,  
  
" Loki? is that blood?" , she pointed at his nose. Confused, he touched his nose, and it surely came bloody.Sif dragged him down to a bench and dabbed his nose with a soft cloth.   
  
" Its not much, but rest your head back. How are you feeling? Should I call.."  
  
" No.Do not tell Thor , please." ,he scrubbed his nose with the same cloth and examined it.," The blood has stopped.see.I am well"  
  
" I wanted to asked if I should call a healer? You don't look well ,Loki."  
  
" No healer , please." ,he suddenly felt so l so weary. " And no Thor either." She was standing in front of him, so he was hidden from view but he could not hide himself from her,so he pleaded with his eyes. She did not look happy but thinned her lips ,and nodded.  
  
" Fine. but if it gets worse, you are coming to healer with me." Loki looked up in shock.He could not understand,why Sif was suddenly acting so caring and nice.But she explained herself,  
  
" I promised to have your back, to be a better friend.So I will keep this from Thor ,But you also promised something" He knitted his eyebrows in confusion.Behind her, cheer went up as Thor defeated Volstag and pinned him in the ground.  
  
" Oh.Its worse than I thought.Your brain is affected. Have you talked to Thor about this...uh illness?" And it dawned on him, she was talking about the enchantment killing him. He remembered their conversation in stables, before.And shook his head negative.  
  
" Loki, you promised.You are telling him or I will.I am not taking chances with..."  
  
" Who are you terrorising Sif?" Thor called behind her and she whipped back to look at him.Volstag and Fandral were walking behind him, with some other warrior.They all stopped when they spotted Loki.Thor rushed forward,  
  
" Loki, what are you doing here? Why are you up so early? " Loki stood up, not sure what to do.  
  
" Love, are you well? Why are you so pale." Thor's one arm encircled his waist , other finding home in back of raven head. Loki leaned in, breathing in familiar scent of blond's sweat.  
  
" I can not hug you now, love.I am dirty." ,Thor whispered.Loki closed in," Don't care.missed you." The king looked sharply, taken aback..It was almost confession of love from leaner man.That too in public.He searched Loki's face.   
  
"What is the matter ,love? Are you well?"  
  
Loki gnawing his lower lip, thought about the answer. He was not well,that was clear, his illness must be advancing.So what little time he had, he shall enjoy it.Thor spotted a twinkle of mischief in his eyes, when he smiled. Then suddenly, Loki's lips were on his.The king was shocked at first, eyes wide as he tried to talk.But soon, he gave in and kissed back.They both didn't care about warriors whistling and cheeriing.As Thor lead him back to their chambers, Loki carefully avoided looking at Sif's worried face.

_@_@_@_@_@_

  
Jotun's were too big for Asgard. Helblindi, their king, proud giant had came with a party of only two other giants, both elderly diplomats.It seemed foolishness, to come into enimy kingdom without any protection.Then again, if anything bad happened, number of deaths will be reduced to only three, for no one will leave alive if aesir were enraged over something.It was as if Helblindi had come to his death, knowingly leaving his younger sibling in charge. There was something odd in his demeanor. So after the foreign king was welcomed and sent away for his guest chambers, Thor sat down with Loki and talked. His brother heard everything and said,  
  
" He seems to be desperate for something or maybe he is mad to the point where he doesn't care about anything." They sat in silence after that. As Thor got ready for the feast in honour of Jotun king, Loki asked if he could skip. Thor wanted him to come ,but something in his tone made him relent.Loki sounded tired and afraid of something. Thor was sure he will not answer if asked, so he relented.Loki promised he would eat and rest in bed chamber without much effort.Still Thor made sure to tell nanna to check on the prince after some time.

As Thor entered into the hall ,Sif came to him before he could go and take his place at High table.   
" Where is he?" ,she asked  
  
" Calm yourself,my lady.He is just resting.He is not off to any mischief." ,He knew exactly who she was asking about, but missed her purpose.  
  
" Is he well? Who is taking his dinner to him?."  
  
" I have arranged for food to be sent to our rooms.He is too alienated,I am afraid he doesn't trust anyone other than me or Nanna to bring his food"  
  
" He has reason not to.Not many have acted in his interest in past, my king" Thor let his shock show on his face, he was taken aback by the concerned expression on her face.  
  
" I ..I thank you, my lady.Not many have expressed concern for him."  
  
" He is my friend too, Thor. I am trying to be a friend he deserves." He could only nod in reply.

_@_@_@_@_@_  


Sif found Loki in bath chamber, puking his insides out.She rushed to his side.He leaned in her touch, as she rubbed his back.He was too overwhelmed to think. She was contemplating to take him back to bed when another bout of retching wrecked his thin body.He kept dry heaving as there was nothing to expel . After his trembling body felt a bit under control and he was sure his stomach was calmed ,he stood up. And looked at Sif as she supported him. He wanted to ask what she was doing, but found no strength. Sif slowly lead him out of bath chamber, where he stopped looking at mess he had made on the way , when he could not make it to the washroom.Sif sighed,  
  
" Do not worry about it, Loki.You need rest" He allowed to be pushed on the bed, by her surprisingly gentle hands.She covered his legs with furs and moved back to clean the vomit from the floor. She could have called a servant, but she doubted Loki will tolerate their presence now.When she came back from her task, he had dozed off.He looked so exausted.Sif hesitated before bringing washcloth to dab his mouth.Loki opened his eyes blinking in confusion.  
She smiled, " Majesty!"   
  
" What are you doing here,Sif?"  
  
"Checking up on you,off course! Have you eaten?" Loki's eyes fell to food nanna had left on his bedside table after her failed nagging to eat. He made a face," Don't want to!"  
  
Sif thought about it, then asked  
  
" I have seen some ice-cream in kitchens today, would you like some.It might sooth your stomach."  
  
Loki frowned.It was well known to his friends that he loved the midgardian dessert since they were introduced to it, a half century ago.He who guards his emotions so carefully, had moaned with single spoon of ice cream in mouth. But midgard's food was not as fulfilling and was considered lower.So he never had expressed desire to have it any more than kitchens were willing to make.  
  
" Just because I am a jotun, does not mean that..."  
  
" Do not finish that.I know that you like it so I am going to order for both of us.I also wanted to have it you know." ,she ran a warm hand on his clammy forehead and through his hair and Loki closed his eyes. She stood up to go out and send a guard for kitchens. Loki sat up gingerly and tried to stiffle the nausea that welled inside.  
  
Sif came back and supported him with adding a cushion for his back. She brought a glass of water for him to sip.  
  
" Loki when are you going to talk to Thor."  
  
" I talk to him all the time.I rather like his absence for some time, don't you.That oaf has been.." ..He could not complete before Sif rudely interrupted,  
  
" And have you told him that you are planning to die on him" , every smug espression vanished and Loki paled some more.  
  
"You make it sound like I am willingly plotting it."  
  
" You promised, Loki"  
  
"Well, I did but He is busy ,Sif."  
  
" He is the king, he is always going to be busy!"  
  
" Fine.I will speak to him after Jotun delegation leaves."  
  
"Two days. If you don't tell him, I will interfere."  
  
"Give me at least a month.I want to do it without hurting him"  
  
" Your health is worsening everyday.I fear that, the time is not what we have here.Please Loki...Talk to him.He has right to know."  
  
" I will.But I can not be blunt about it.please let me do it my way"  
  
" A fortnight.Not a day more!" Her stern tone brought a smile to his face.He was about to lie down, when a knock was heard from the doors.He was too exhausted, but Sif cheered up with smile that lit up her eyes.  
  
" It must be the ice cream." , she got up exited and went to bring it in.  
  
  


  
  
  
  


  


  
  
  


  
  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All you woderfull folks, I love you for your patience and support.  
>  I had a major task at my job and had been sleep deprived for 36 hours straight.But I am grateful for the opportunity and my colleagues genuinely praised my hard work. Feeling quite accomplished! So this one is in celebration! Zlove you all and wish you a happy new year guys!!!!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negotiation with Jotunheim  
> Secrets are revealed

� To say Helblindi was irritated was an understatement. He let his lips turn down in a frown, he could always blame his mood on hot weather. He had arrived at the meeting on time but king of Asgard was yet to grace them with his presence.He looked around as he entered the conference room, Odin was sitting in the highest chair , surrounded by his sleazy old advisors. There were some chairs left empty but no chair was larger enough for a Jotun to fit in.He looked Odin's face, who remained stoic.Oh, the intentional insults! Helblindi looked around, seeing the smug faces of his enimies. There was no mistake in this.They had not put a chair of appropriate size for visiting King. Helblindi carefully kept his bitterness away and smirked arrogantly as he shifted to much smaller size.He sat down on left side of the long table and looked around, taking in shockd expressions of Asgard's negotiators.Odin, of course kept his face blank. Thiazi and Thyrm ,Jotun advisory committee remained standing on both sides of their king. Shape shifting was a rare talent, even in Jotunheim. Helblindi and his siblings inherited the seidr from their bearer, Farabauti who was a fierce warrior as well as a skilled seidrmadr. Laufey was ridiculous in the art ,so he never used it. Asgard ,ever the ignorant and arrogant kingdom probably had no knowledge of jotun techniques.   
  
Helblindi wondered about the rumour he had heard. They had so less to offer to spies with everything falling apart, that the only news reached Jotunheim was the rumours travelling across the Markets and lower parts of Aesir society. But a news was a news, so he kept his eyes open and found most baffling rumour of century. They said that Thor king had took his own brother as lover and before he could reel in disgust he was told that the brother was adopted and rumoured to be a jotun in disguise. The young king of Jotunheim had been curious to find more about this frost giant who was unfortunate enough to grow up in Asgard as Odinson and then was claimed by real Odinson.He wondered whose child Allfather can take home and raise as his own. He had yet to see the rumouerd brother of Aesir king.They only talked about thunderer in Jotunheim, everyone knew allfather had two sons but the details of second son were vague at the most. He had never thought much of it,but now he wondered if being frost giant was the reson Odin kept him in shadows?  
  
As he was lost in the thought, The king of Asgard entered and sat exactly opposite to him. He smiled brightly and greeted Helblindi who bowed his head slightly. To Thors right there was a young man, with pale face and black hair, green eyes shining with a rare intelligence, he looked too beautiful to be Aesir brute. Helblindi understood why he was rumoured to be Jotun, from his pale complexion to thin built to his dark hair ,he had nothing in common with other aesirs. Helblindi frowned, feeling sympathy for the young man who avoided his gaze.Thor found him looking and introduced,  
  
" This is my brother, Loki.He is advisor to me in diplomacy." Loki looked directly to the Jotun king and smiled enchantingly. Yet there was something else in that smile.Something sad that lost to him as soon as he thought its there. Odin made a displeased noise somewhere, and Helblindi turned to see him smoothing his face quickly in his regular uninterested stare. Loki avoided looking at head of the table, kept his gaze away, deliberately away from his adoptive father even long after introductions were made and Thor brought in large chairs for Jotun advisors. There was something he was missing, something open to see yet hidden.   
  
Thor kept the conversation going on, much to his relief.He was happy to find Aesir king to be more approachable and genuine in his welcome than most of Aesir court including his companions, the famed lady Sif with warriors three. He knew his demand was not going to be taken easily, yet seeing the thunderer so changed and empathetic eased his nerves.  
  
" Thank you for welcoming us, Thor king.its an honor to be here." , he said genuinely.  
  
" Oh, its our pleasure to have you.We all wish to leave past in past and turn a new page with you as an ally and as a friend.", Thor said.Eyes shining with honesty.Oh, Bileistr would have loved him, he never liked the games I play for politics, for stability of the realm.Thor had a luxury of stable and flourishing realm, He must have someone to do the dirty work for him, maybe one of his companions or Odin himself was sly enough. So, being open and kind and honest was a luxury only king of Asgard could afford.

" I wonder how and why you managed to fit in that chair, though!" ,Thor asked with open expression of genuine curiosity.

" Ah. Your steward must have forgotten to bring different chairs in So I made myself comfortable. Shapeshifting comes naturally to me, I thought you know that." ,he stated last part with a pointed gaze towards Loki. Who seemed to understand his intention, and narrowed his eyes. Yet, his arrow in dark paid off.Thor , the foolish king gave him more than he had asked,

" I apologise my friend.I shall instruct the staff to see to your comfort. and you are right, Loki has always been shifting his forms so fluidly, it must be a Jotun thing" .It confirmed that the rumour was true.Odin all father had hidden a child of his enimy race in his own household. Now all that he needs to find out is Loki's true parentage. Loki was also a shapeshifter! It was such a rare talent, even for a frost giants that it baffled him. He pushed the thought aside, before the talk turned unpleasant.Because many councillors including Loki and Odin were looking from uncomfortable to displeased. He couldn't afford that.

So he directed the conversation towards his purpose of the visit.He narrated discerning condition of Jotunheim. How his home realm was falling apart since the bifrost was turned on them, by accident as They were told. He told them of how young men were lost in chaos, how some still live crippled for life.He told about starving children and their grieving dams. He told them they have finally lost hope long after their hope was taken away.He kept his eyes on their faces, searching for traces of guilt, regrets and sympathy even. He was pleading for mercy when Thor king spoke up.

" I am sorry for your loss, King Helblindi. We know tidings of our home have caused suffering in yours." , Helblindi noticed how his hand touched Loki's on table, almost imperceptible as he talked, " But I would not abandon a realm under my protection when you have come to Asgard for help. We shall send food, clothing , medical help and any help necessary to alleviate suffering of jotun people.Because, war may be fought between rulers, its innocent people that suffer from it."

" Your generosity is greatly appreciated, Thor king. But I am afraid Jotunheim is destroyed beyond repair. We have been dying far before the bifrost incident. In truth, many are thankful for the quick end in comparison to the painful life that had been dragging on.", gazing at their confused expression, he added, "See, my friends Jotunheim has been dying since our source of life was taken from us. My realm is slowly degenerating and my people are dying! Even if you provide temporary aid, we are not able to stand back on our feet.Not without our source of power. So, I ,Helblindi Laufeyson ,king of Jotunheim am asking you for the mercy of quick death for my people.We are too proud for any cowardly escape" He scanned the people ,many of them were understanding now muttering furiously between themselves. Odin looked about to burst with rage.. Yet Thor spoke calmly.  
  
" No need to take such drastic steps my friend. There must be some kind of solution for your problems. Otherwise you would have met us in battle, if you were seeking death. Speak clearly and without any riddles, so that we can figure out what can be done."

" I thank you, Thor king.You see, as your two suns light and give energy to your realm, Jotun life depends on its source of energy. The way bifrost takes you to other realms, we also had our mode of communication. As all of your seidrmadrs and other magical beings draw your powers from core of Asgard,we used to depend on a source powerful enough to support all the life of Jotunheim. It was taken from us, by Allfather after he defeated Jotunheim in last war. We never healed from the loss, my realm has been degenerating since then." He looked around to see that every person was coming to the same understanding.  
  
" Casket of ancient winters!" ,Thor realised.

" So, this is the reason you are here. Yoy wish to trick us and take the casket back. We have not forgotten about how you got out of hand and tried to subjugate midgard in your arrogance. How dare you come here and try to place the blame on my shoulders" , All father said, anger evident in his voice.  
  
" I am not blaming anyone for anything.All I am saying is, in the absence of casket Jotunheim will not survive, race of frost giants will be extincted. "

" Good riddence!" said Bragi, " Did you think we will believe your lies so easily and hand you over the weapon to destruction of other realms ?"

" I understand you do not feel any love for my people ,but you must understand that casket of winters is not a weapon, its the source of our life and mode of our transport"

" If what you said is truth then why was King Laufey carrying the casket to midgard's battlefield", Tyr had no place in council yet here he was asking questions to other king.

" King Laufey used the casket to travel to midgard and carried it to ensure his journey back home.That does not mean he used it as weapon.He may have covered the land with ice with its help, but the actual battle must have been faught with swords and arrows.You can ask anyone who was present there" , he looked at Odin deliberately.

" And what shall we gain from this? why would we want to help monsters like you? You all are better dead than alive...Stop tricking us."

" Then come back to Jotunheim and Finish what you started. Slaughter us all. Give us an honourable death, because you may believe whatever lies you are fed, we are not monsters!" Helblindi stood up, shaking with anger.

" Enough!" ,Thor boomed. " King Helblindi, stop goading us. I have promised you protection and I will keep my word.Just tell me why I should trust you?"  


" What can I say to make you trust me.I am here with my truth, you can help me or you can throw me out.Better yet , you can kill me off, so that my people will have a reason to go in war. So that they will not die everyday, seeing their children starve to death.Our weak and elderly can not get the help.. You can start the end of Jotun race, here and now!" 

" I meant my question, Why should I trust you and your people... When your people are proven unworthy of power? You are little more than a pack of animals, you tried to subjugate mortals ,at the least your father did. You fight with each other, you have no trade or cordial relationship with other realms.And worst of all, You abandon your young to die in cold.Why should I help you?" Thor was holding Loki's hand by the end of his speech. 

" Yes my father did try to subjugate others and he got punished for that. He lost his family, his people's safety and even their trust.He lost his sanity.And when finally he made his last mistake to come here he lost his life too. There are many in nine realms who pursued power, some succeeded others like my father failed.You can not punish his people for his sins.Yes we fight with each other, but we are stranded on a block of ice without any means to survive or escape, how do you except us to behave.They are not monster Thor, if they seek violence to feed their families. we can't reach out to other realms as mighty Allfather took away our means of communication. And I can not understand the base of your last accusation, Thor.You can believe whatever you want about us but no Jotun will ever leave a young to die. We are caring to a fault.Some of my people have gladly embraced death so their younger generation can live on. Do you think I would have come here,if I had thought my lifme more important than my people. If you don't want to help, then leave it. But stop such baseless accusations without evidence."

  
" Evidence is sitting right infront of you my friend.Loki , my brother was found and saved by my father during the war you talk about.He was left to die as an infant. Do you not recognise him?"

" There were many children lost in the massacres.And how can I recognise him when his heritage lines are hidden from view. Yet, I can not believe he was abandoned ."

" Tell me King of frost giants, did you ever had any sibling other than prince Byleistr.Or your father erased his existence from your history too.." Loki was trembling ever so slightly, yet he managed to keep his voice stable.

" Siblings? I have lost my youngest sibling and our dam in war.. but what does that have to do. with.." , Suddenly he realised, " You ! Are you my sweskin? are you Loptr? You must be, we never found his body. Why would our father erase your history.. He went mad with grief. He lost his will to fight ,and lost the final battle.He had been crazy for revenge until he met his death. He had lost not only his mate but his youngest child ,that day .Why are you talking like this? He was your father" , Helblindi stood up and was about to come closer to Loki, when Odin spoke.

" Stop your lies and leave, you filthy monster." , All father was keeping his voice neutral in spite of the hateful words.

" No.I want to know more.Are you saying that Loki was not abandoned? Even if he is smaller for a Jotun, a... a runt?", Thor was going to have answers.Odin ground his teeth, hard!!

" So, its true then.Loki is my sibling ,Laufey's son.Odin stole his enimy's child and kept as his..."

" Answer me Helblindi.Was Loki abandoned or not?", Thor interupted

" Why would we abandon our prince? And what is this runt nonsence? Smaller Jotuns are precious, my parents were ectasic to have a small in our family" , He tried to held Loki's gaze, who was looking down stubbornly. Loki looked up, surprised, Never before he was thought to be precious, a menace, villian trickster, a spare but not...

" Precious?" , Loki asked uncertainty clear on his face.  
  
Suddenly it all hit Helblindi, this was his baby brother stolen by enemy and raised without his true family.They had failed to protect little Loptr.He tried to remember the child's face but all he could remember was his dam's dead eyes after he was found near temple. He remembered running with byleistr to to nursary and seeing dam smiling with love over a tiny sleeping child. He could not speak through the emotions clogging his throat.

Thiazi answered instead, " Yes. Smalls, that's what we call you.Smalls have highly developed brain functions , they are intelligent , even brilliant compard to normal Jotun brutes like us.They are rare to be born and are perceived as blessed. They usually devote their lives to seek knowledge, as they are less prone to violence. Most of our healers, teachers even advisors are small. They run our society, why would you be any different, my prince? In fact, the day when we lost you, was when you were taken to temple of ancient winters.Your dam, uh mother wanted to pray and show gratitude for having you."

" Then why was I told that I was left alone to die?" Loki's all but whispered.He did not want the answer, he was not going to like it any way.

" I don't know.But I can assure you that you were not alone. Farabauti, our bearer was most fierce warrior of Jotunheim, and he lost his life trying to protect you. He was killed and all 12 temple priests were massacred by Aesir to get to the casket.It was our holy place, we thought allfather would respect that. We thought you also were killed.We have old records of war to prove that, if you want"  
  
It was not Loki that spoke, but Tyr, who looked horrified.  
"What are you saying? those people were warriors. They sliced my men with ice daggers."  
  
" Thats a natural response to threat. They were all priests, harmless.Only warrior their was ,Farabauti.And he was still recovering from child birth.My father had refused to let him fight in the battle."

" He was a fine warrior, had allfather down in few moves.I stabbed him myself , to protect all father", Tyr,the old fool bragged. Before Odin could shut him up, Thor looked at Loki, who sat there in shock trying to process everything.  
  
" It's true then.I was not left to die. I was loved ", Loki said, whispered as if to himself.

" Yes, you were ,you are still loved, sibling. Our sire lost his sanity for you,such was his grief.He would have forgiven his mate's death, but he thought Odin has killed his infant son.That was unforgivable in his rule.Thats why he came , sneaked in Asgard , for the revenge.And lost his life."

No-one knew what to say. Everyone including Thor ,Odin, the council looked to Loki , waiting for his reaction. Loki looked around, taking in every face and when he looked, finally looked at Odin , meeting his eye,he started laughing. He laughed,and laughed and laughed until his eyes brimmed with tears. And he laughed some more, so much that it was hard to say if he was sobbing or laughing. Thor was growing worried, he found Helblindi looking concerned.  
  
" Love." ,Thor asked so many questions in one word.

" I am fine, my king.I just,.. is it not funny? All my life I worked and trained and tricked people so that I could have Father's appreciation. All my life, I thought for Asgard , for you..for him.", He swalloed his emotion visibly," All the while my real family was mourning my death.How did it felt when I killed my own bloody father to please you, father?" The venom in his last word caused Odin to flinch. Loki was standing now, slightly bending over the table to meet Allfather's single eye squarely. He held the edge of table so hard that his knuckles were white.  
  
Thor stood up and embraced him from behind.   
" Loki, my love we need to go.Are you hearing me?" He got no response, so he shaked the sender man a little and tried to turn him away from Odin. But Loki's focus did not waver , he did not acknowledge Thor. He stared at Odin, green orbs burning with rage,

" I thought the world of you.You were the most important person for me, even after you discarded me to prison. I lived for the scrapes of attention you gave me, and thought I did not deserve You. All the while you were laughing to yourself for my efforts.You destroyed my life, destroyed every chance I could ever have of any happyness.You have seen my love and loyalty, Father.. now you will see my hatred. I know I am powerless, but even if I have to sell my soul to norns ,I will find a way. I will make it upto you ..., Father" , He sneered that sinister smile of his.A chill ran down the all father's spine. He looked distressed as sweat broke on his brow.

" Thor, shut him up or I will.. "   
  
" Not a word.." ,Thor stopped his father. Everyone noticed the lack of respect his tone.   
Then Loki was turned around , to the young king gazing down on his face, his features contorted in worry for his brother.

" Loki.You will not speak anymore.I command you to stay silent." Loki's eyes glazed over as the command took place. And his lips thinned. When he looked up again, he was furious. His grunted and pushed Thor away. His demeanor spoke murder and he charged towards Odin, a dagger appeared in his hand which he raised to strike the old man ,who reared back. Thor caught him and hugged him tight. At the same time, held his hand in tight grip and forced him to drop the dagger. It all happened in fraction of second yet the enchanted ring was automatically activated as soon as he pushed Thor. Thor held him close as he rode the waves of pain in silent anguish. He had broken the command by attacking Thor's father and the punishment was harsh enough to make him grit his teeth. The young king could not see him suffer, and spoke in his ear,  
  
" Stop.stop the punishment.Its enough." Loki sighed in relief and closed his eyes. He was exhausted, to think anything , to do anything. And he was in Thor's arms.So he was safe, for now.

Thor looked around the bewildered faces. Nobody dared to speak.

" King Helblindi, my promise still stands.We have wronged you in every sense.We will continue this discussion tomorrow, and come to a solution agriable to all " He picked his lover who seemed out of it. 

" My son, you can not be thinking to return the casket. Jotnar can not be trusted with its power." , Oidin said.

" I said we shall discuss it tomorrow. Right now, I need to take my brother away." ,He looked down at his Jotun's face whose eyes were closed. Loki drfted in and out of consciousness through the walk to their bedchamber. He whimpered at the loss of warmth of the king's body when he was layed down on bed.

" Peace , brother.We are here , are you still in pain?" ,Thor asked checking the cool forehead and then cupped his lover's cheek. Loki leaned in touch but did not speak. Thor inspected his oalm, which was covered in blisters by now.

" I am calling Eir, you need medical attention." ,Thor stood up and turned.But his wrist was caught, he looked back to see Loki gazing at him.

" I am fine.Do not call her"

" You are still angry at her! "  
"...."  
  
" Loki, Eir gave me that drug because I ordered her.You forgave me, can you not at least talk to her. She worries"

" She betrayed me long before she aided you to rape me. She knew my true parentage, yet she lied to my face. "

" She must be under oath Loki.She could not tell you" Loki looked up eyebrows knitted in thoughtful frown. When he spoke ,his gaze was faraway,

" Do you remember when we were taught basic healing? We had a lesson in anatomy.. Thats when I understood reproductive organs of Aesir man looked nothing like what I have. I..I was scared, I thought I have some deformity, decease even." ,He paused as his eyes focused on Thor's face.

" You were young, we both were." ,Thor tried to assure him.

" Hmm.Yet you were perfect.I could not speak to anyone, but I didn't want to have some horrible decease. So I gathered courage and talked to Eir.Afterall she was responsible for our health since childhood, she must have known the cause of my difference.She was very encouraging and supporting until I finally got across what was bothering me. Then she explained me that I had both male and female reproductive system in one body, how I can be whatever I want to. I asked if there was anyone else like me." , He stopped and a small smile spead on his face, 

" She said no" , he finished bitterly." I was left feeling alone and scared and lacking just because my healer wanted to keep Odin's secret. "

" Oh Loki" ,Thor hugged him again.  
  
" Do not call any healer,please"  
  
" Then what should I do, when you are in so much pain."  
  
" Stay.Just be with me here"

Thor hugged him till his sobs died down to occasional hiccup.He stayed as his lover's breathing evened out and he fell into slumber. He prayed to the Norns for his brother to have better dreams than this reality .

  


g 

"

" 

" 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well your kudos and comments mean a lot to me than you can ever imagine.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not all well... After the big reveal!

Thor Didn't know what to say. How to apologise for all the things Loki had suffered at his hsnds, at his father's and that of Asgard. He gazed remorsefully over the thin man curled in on himself. Loki had always been lonely and silent.Thor never thought of it, ignored the misery of his brother, thinking this was the trickester's way. Ndver thought how it may have felt to Loki, so different, so lonely!. He and his friends never bothered to make him feel welcomed or appreciated... in fact they had all took sick pleasure in mocking and belittling Loki. And over it, Their parents had gone and lied to him.After that had broken his sweet little brother, who himself as someone abandoned even by monsters, a project of pity. And today, what was revealed today had shattered him. Thor didn't know what to say.. what to apologise for! He himself had in his selfish desire to have Loki back, enslaved him, humilated him. forced himself on him... And if Loki refused to respond to anything he said, if he kept gazing unseeingly at sealing of the chamber Thor could not fault him for it.

In the end Thor had vowed to himself to do everything to give Loki his freedom and dignity back. He was angry at Odin, yes but he was furious at himself for trusting him. Odin had utterly and finally lost his both sons today. He did not wish to confont Odin, it would only resultin rage and destruction. He could not take his father on right now, Odin was too clever too manipulative. He would be ready... So Thor decided to solve one point at a time. Right now Jotunheim needed him.Loki needed him. And he could not afford to leave Loki alone 

_@_@_@_@_@_

The conference started in sombre atmosphere. Odin did not arrive , to Thor's relief. He always had projected himself to be a just and noble king, the blatant exposure of his lies must be too much to face. His people may not speak in front of him, but the word would spread.   
Thor dominated the meeting in absence of all father's overbearing presence. The council tried to obliterate but it was decided that a committee will be formed and sent to Jotunheim. And after they submit the report, Thor will decide if the casket will be returned or not. He was at the end of his patience by the time he finished the meeting. He was worried about Loki, more than worried.   
By the time he shut the bickering council and sent the visiting king away with dinner invitation, day was tilting towards evening. The post afternoon sun was casting long shadows outside as he walked briskly towards his chambers, towards his lover .

_@_@_@_@_@  
  
Thor entered the inner part of his chambers and was greeted with most unexpected scene in his life. Loki was seated on an ornate chair by window, covered only in his midnight blue silk bath-robe, both of his legs dangled over the arm of chair and he was eating from a bowl of ice-cream. Another chair from the same seating arrangement was occupied by Sif, eating from similar bowl.   
Sif stood up and bowed as Thor entered. Loki paid no mind and continued licking the spoon ,if more seductively! Thor smiled,  
" Glad to see you eating , brother!"  
  
" You have seen me eating for thousand of years, oaf! Thor was kind of happy to hear the snarky reply.

" Yes. But recently you never eat without being forced or atleast nagged by me or Nanna"

" If I may, my king... he is eating even now after considerable amount of force by me. ", Sif said. " In truth I had to drag him out of bed, bathr him and feed him to bring this jovial mood of his out!" ,she added to Thor' s amusement.

" Sif you have overstayed your welcome. You should leave now!" ,Loki was not amused of course.

" Well, now that Thor is here, I am assured that you will not fall on your face. Take care of him ,my king" , with that she put her bowl down and bowed again.

" Let me escort you to door,my lady!" , The king said as he bent down to kiss raven head . Loki leaned in the touch and whimpered in protest when Thor tried to move away to go with Sif.

" I will be back before you know I left, love!" He whispered in wet locks.   
  
_@_@_@_@_

" So ,you and Loki..uh!" Thor asked awkwardly as soon as they were out of bedroom.

" There is no romantic engagement between me and Loki, if that is what you are asking. I really am fond of my head!" ,she answered. 

" You cannot blame me for being suspicious, suddenly you are acting kindly towards him!" 

" I am just trying to be a good friend to him, as I should have been in the past." ,She shrank in herself trying to hide the remorse she felt.And turned to leave.

" Sif." , He called after her.

" No need to thank me, majesty! He is my friend."

" Its not that, I have another request." He paused to look at her, " Can you keep your friendship with Loki, uh secret?"  
  
" Why?"   
  
"Trust me,Sif .Its better this way.I have something in mind."  
  
" I ..I can be indifferent in public.I will not abuse him,..not anymore! But I csn tell others that I am keeping an eye on him ,on your orders.

Thor agreed and sent her away.

_@_@_@_@_

When he entered back, Loki slowly moved one leg down revealing a marble thigh through the robe's slit. He looked up with one perfect eyebrow quirked up .Thor sighed at the blatant seduction.   
" Love, we need to talk!"  
  
" No we don't need talking. We need to touch, and kiss and make love!" He almost climbed the thunderer's body with a grace of cat, a very very mischievous cat.

Thor hugged him pinning the thin man' s l hands and said,  
  
" Baby, I love it when you are expressive about your desires. but I understand when you are trying to deflect.You donot need to talk if you are not ready.Just let's not use our love to avoid it!" He felt the trickster sag in his hug.He just picked up Loki and sat him on bed. The smaller man moved back into cuddle.

" Loki, I am sorry."

" Not your fault!"

" But it is. I should have seen it. I should have asked more. Its unfair."

" Life is unfair!"

" But I should have protected you, as a brother and then as your lover. I failed!" He could not stop the tears rolling down his face. Loki touched his cheeks.. They gazed in each other's eyes. Giving and receiving love, strength... finding home. 

" Loki ,I need to tell you something!"

" Is it about your father?"

" No.";

" About Jotunheim?"

" No love!"

" Then what?"

" I have requested my friend Stark, the man of iron to look into your attack on midgard. From start to end... to see if he can" , suddenly Loki moved away and said harshly.

" You did no such thing!"

" Loki ,we need evidence. "

" For what? To present it in front of Asgard's court? or in front of Allfather? I am not getting out of this, Thor . Stop daydreaming "

" I am not dreaming. I am planning, love.I intend to get you pardoned. Then you can be.."

" How?" Loki almost screamed." How will you get me a pardon, Thor. Will you anounce a decree of you yourself.Will you call the thing?. You know its not possible! 

" I will do whatever it takes,love! I have promised you your freedom and your place by my side.And I intend to keep it" 

Loki felt his irritation at the back of his eyes, Rubbing his forhead he said,

" Ah , lets just discuss this tomorrow. My head is killing me!"

" Come here!"

  
  


" 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys this little chapter was ready in my phone and I somehow lost it while updating two days ago. I had to rewrite and made a few changes... The storyline is same of course.I understand Its not upto the mark...but this is all I could manage in time. Please be kind.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helblindi talks to Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweskin/Syskin - sibling. I merely searched the word sibling in Nordic and used it. No claims of expertise.

Helblindi stayed for dinner. Thor didn't thought much about it,but he had expected the visiting King to leave as soon as he was promised an opportunity to have casket of winters back. They ate in cold silence until Odin finished his meal and left.   
  
Immediately after the old man was out of sight ,Helblindi asked,

" Where is Loki?"  
" He is ...ah he is resting"  
" Oh. I understand. I mean I would have not been well after going through the things he did face today."

Thor smiled, " He may have stayed behind just to avoid meeting Odin. I did not want to force him to come"

" Hmmm. Can I .., I mean if you do not object I would like to meet him."  
  
" I can't promise you but I shall ask him.  
.When do you want to meet him?"

" Now? Truth to be told, I have stayed just to see him. It was clear that he was upset."

" I would rather not upset him any further." , Thor was reluctant.

" I will not disturb him if he does not want to see me. But, please Thor king, he is my little sibling. We had thought him dead, and I just found out that our lost youngling is alive. I am sure you understand. Please I need to.  
  
" I do. understand I mean. I have lost him one too many times. I shall ask him about this, King Helblindi and let you know. "

" Thank you. Would you mind if I accompanied you to him. I wish to leave early morning tomorrow."

" He is already in bed . It will not be easy to convince him."

" I have no qualms about waiting at the door for him, Thor.He is family and something tells me that he needs to be assured of the love of his family."

" If he refuses.."

" I will not be offended."

" Fine! Come with me after you have finished your dinner."

" I have. let's go"

_@_@_@_@_@_@_

Thor returned to darkness in his chambers.he wondered where had Nanna gone if Loki was not in mood to switch lights on. He found Loki on bed, silent tears rolling on his cheeks. The sight broke his heart. Until today, he had managed to consol Loki somehow on the situation, the younger man had accepted his life as it was and now he was told that he was not unwanted child of Jotun king but he was stolen away from a supposedly loving family. Thor did not know what to say. So he just layed beside his miserable lover and gathered him close. Loki started sobbing in his arms.   
  
" Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
" What is there to talk?" , Loki said sniffing in his chest.  
  
" Helblindi uh wants to meet you"  
" Not now , please!"

Thor could not argue, still he asked if he can invite the Jotun king for breakfast. Loki did not answer. They stayed like that for a long time. Thor detangled himself as soon as he was sure that the smaller man was asleep. He went out to find Helblindi and was surprised to see that the visiting king was still waiting.   
  
" He is not well, my friend.Perhaps you should join us for breakfast."

  
_@_@_@_@_@_@_

  
Loki raised his eyebrows at the magnificent breakfast layed over the table.His eyes wide with wild curiosity, beguiling face with a smirk in place. Helblindi smiled at his expression, yet the prince's face was oddly pale, and dark circles cast a sad shadow over his eyes.

"I have no doubt that our king will gulp down all of this food!" ,Loki said smiling. Thor was relived to see him in a better mood.

" I don't mind eating all this, love .But it will not be polite to take all the food prepared in the honour of our guest." Thor said as he sat beside Loki. Loki nodded a greeting to Helblindi, this time smiling as their eyes met.It surely felt better than the nervous fleeting glances he got when they met earlier.

Thor kept the conversation light, and both Jotuns contributed. Not after long, Loki was talking animatedly to Helblindi and asking questions about Jotun seidr. It was fascinating for both of them. 

At some point, Loki tried and failed to bring forth the ice.  
" Perhaps you should try it again in your true form", Helblindi advised.  
  
Thor saw Loki stiffen, he saw as the thin man's face blanked and lips thinned. There was no way Helblindi to not see his hesitation.

" Perhaps you should eat something, and stop pushing your food around, Loki" ,Thor said. He had observed that his lover was eating almost nothing. 

" Perhaps you should stop mothering me!" , Loki quipped and then startled when Helblindi started laughing.

" I apologise. You remind me too much of Byleistr..my..uh brother back home."  
  
Loki smiled ," Are you saying that me , your one brother reminds you of your other brother?"  
  
" I was trying to say that your relation reminds me of the bond I have with Byleistr. But now I think of it, you are too similar to him. You even have same facial features and expressions" 

Silence fell over them.Everyone of the three was awkward now. But Helblindi had to speak, he needed to do it before leaving.

" I am happy that you have Thor by your side, sibling.But I have mourned your death, we all have. Father was so lost in his grief that he refused to speak with anyone else for days. It might offend you but I have been fighting jealous apprehension that you were the favourite son even after your supposed death. But I understood. You were our baby brother, pride and joy of house of laufey. We missed you little brother, I missed you, Loptr! " His eyes turned misty. Loki stared open-mouthed.

" Do you know that I killed Laufey", he asked in most condenscenting voice he could manage.

" Father died because he entered Asgard and tried to kill Odin in his sleep. It was not right, even if he had his reasons. And you were trying to protect the man you thought as your father. Whatever you did, you were acting as a prince of Asgard.I will not hold it against you." 

" Why? What trick is this? what do you want from me?" Loki asked through stiffling sob in his throat.  
  
" There is no trick, Loptr, . I understand that trust will not come easy to you... But I am ready to wait. Take all the time you need." 

" Do not call me that.I am not the lost child as you think.I am a lost cause, raised in enemy's household. I didn't hesitate to kill my blood father even with knowledge of our relation. I tried to destroy your realm. Why would you want me in your life,is beyond me."

"Because that is what families do.To protect and love each other " 

Loki's face darkened as he scowled. He turned to Thor,  
" My king, can you give us a moment. I would like to speak with king Helblindi alone."

" Loki. He is just trying to..."  
  
" be my brother? after absence of ...a thousand years? Do you not trust me,Thor. I have provided enough proof of my loyalty. Asgard is..."

" Your home.And I trust you with everything.But I don't want to leave you ."

" I wanted to say priority.Asgard is my priority... not home. I donot have a home." , Thor opened his mouth to argue but Loki stopped him with a gesture. " I understand that you worry about me, but I need this.I need to clarify my stand . Please Thor, let me do this."

Thor thought it for a moment gazing faces of other two and said, " Very well. but I don't want you to be hurt in anyway!" He looked pointedly at the visiting king who nodded understanding the warning.

Silence fell over them after Aesir king left until Helblindi spoke,

" Loki, youngling.I know it is difficult.."  
" The truth, please!" Loki cut him off.  
"...."Helblindi looked confused.  
  
" Why do you want to associated with me. What do want from me?" , he clarified. Larger mans blue face contorted with sadness.

" Loki, I have already told you.We Jotun's live in packs.. we are loyal to each other and abandoning our own is greatest sin. That is why,our father, Laufey could not find peace after loosing you and dam.You have acted in desperation and bitterness but under that you are a fiercely loyal man with sweet nature.You are one of us and I don't need anything to love you. The joy to have you back is enough!"

Loki stood up and walked towards window," You have mistaken, your magesty. I am not sweet nor I am loyal to anyone. There is nothing in common with you other than my skin colour. And I certainly don't need a new family. I have had a family, and all I received from them is lies, negligence ,duplicity and betrayals.I am not blameless, I have paid them with equal amount of grief and regrets.Its better for me to be alone, for I am a creature of loneliness."

" Yet, you remain by Thor's side. I have inquired about you, your life has not been easy. You were never treated fairly, you never received unconditional love you deserve.You were either ignored or insulted even punished for the things you could not control.You could have left, long before you knew your true parentage.Still you stayed... because you are a Jotun and you could not just leave and forget them. I suspect allfather had some agenda to take you in.. He knew that once you associated them as family you will remain loyal to them and he could use that in Asgard's favour." , Helblindi paused seeing the smaller man's pained expression . Loki wiped his hands on his face and tried to hide the tears threatening to spill out.

" Youngling.. are you well?"   
  
Loki snorted at the king's worried face. He remembered how he had thought Jotuns as monsters incapable of feeling.And here he was ,being consoled by their king who thought himself as his elder and kept calling him youngling!

"You are as worse as Thor! I am thousand years old, certainly not a youngling."

" You are, for me! We donot identify each other as these split gendered aesir do.There are no brothers and sisters in jotuns.We are siblings and we call each other as elder or younger. Its normal for me to call you and Byleister younglings.If you don't like it, I will call you Loki or prince Loki" , He did not mention that his given name was Loptr as Loki did not seem comfortable with it.

" Oh. I don't mind as Thor also keeps calling me little brother. Wait, I cannot call you brother then, because you are bi-gendered like me. That is why you never call me , little brother even if you behave like elder brother. " Helblindi smiled seeing Loki talking as if to himself and coming to conclusions. This one was smart.

" So what am I supposed to call you?" , Loki asked.

" Syskin( Sibling), Elder, even Helblindi... Whatever you like. Byleistr calls me Blindi." , The king was happy to see Loki considered him family , albeit unknowingly. Loki caught his smile and sighed,

" Usually I am not easy to outsmart , but I am really exhausted right now. So feel free to be proud."

" Aye.I have heard about your mastery of words. But you don't need to guard yourself around me.we are family, you can say whatever you want.I will never use it for political purposes."   
  
Loki suddenly gripped the edge of table as he felt the room tilt. a small whimper left his lips. Helblindi got up and supported the smaller god as he swayed on spot. He moved Loki to the chair and handed him glass of water. he hovered until he was sure Loki was stable and will not in fact fall over. 

After some time Loki's eyes cleared , and still he wanted to put his head on table and rest. He noticed concern on the king's face and tried to smile, which came more as a grimace.

" Its nothing.Just a dizzy spell" ,he tried to assure.  
  
" Are you sure you don't need healer?" , Loki shook his head in answer.

" You barely ate anything.You are thin like a stick and paler than paper.. You seem ready to keel over.And just now you almost lost your consciousness ... I do think you need a healer." Helblindi was clearly distressed.

" Do not worry ,Syskin.I am well!" ,Loki deflected cleverly using the kinship.

" Oh don't act smart.You are not well. " 

Loki sighed and looked at the sealing in defeat. " Yes ,I am unwell. and I will get help. Just not now , please."

" Very well.I am leaving today, and if you have not consulted the healer by afternoon, I am taking you with me."   
Loki looked at him with a mischievous smile onhis face.  
  
" And what will you tell Thor and his court?"

" That they have ignored my sweskin's health and you now need a good bed and caring people around you." ,The king answered honestly. Loki's eyes glazed at the openess of the care shown towards him. Never in his life ,he had felt so wanted, not even with Thor until recently. 

" Loki, tell me the truth? Are you happy here?"

"...." The silence worried Helblindi so he added,  
  
" If you are not, then I will take you away. I will take you home, treaty be damned..."

" No! " Loki interupted. " Do not talk like that.I am still under punishment. We can't discuss breaking me out.Even if Thor let's go this , Asgard has a golden eyed watch dog. Who will be more than happy to charge me with treason and put me to death.", He then looked out of window and said, " Heimdall, I am sure you are watching me .Just understand that whatever he said was out of the concern about me.I donot plan to leave Thor , So just keep this to yourself will you?"   
Helblindi gazed on thoughtfully, recieving a cheeky smile in return.  
  
" You donot like Heimdall!". he stated.  
  
" The feeling is mutual", Loki answered.

"You have nobody here!"

" Except for Thor!" 

  
" So ,You stay for Thor." ,Helblindi realised, " You love him , don't you?"

" Yes. I think I have to accept that love him ." 

" Well, I am happy for you sweskin! I can see that he reciprocates your feelings. Have you told him?"

" No not yet!"

" Tell him, I am sure he needs to hear it. He needs to know that you stay with him out of love not because you are forced to."

" I will! " ,Loki promised.

" And you need to take better care of yourself. I understand that you are upset but you need to eat more!"

" I will!" , Loki tried to assure him. 

" I will write to you. Byleistr will too. He is going to go crazy with joy once he hears about you... I would have to bind him to prevent him from coming here to see you. Atleast until Thor's committee visits and decision is made about casket!"   
Loki smiled.

" Donot worry.Thor has selected good people. Casket will be returned."

" I hope so. We will visit you more once we have it back, I promise you. You are not alone anymore!"   
.   
Loki stood up and hugged him.

  
  


  


  


  


  
  


  


  


.   


  
" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, I need to apologise.I will not use my well known excuse of real life and job.. but they are real you know! I intend to finish this story and it's giving me hard time. Your comments and kudos are everything!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Loki tells Thor about his illness.I know you peeps are frustrated but I do have a point here.... So stay tuned and stay in touch

Loki slept through the day, once the delegation left. Fatigue weighed him down in such a way that he could not even be roused for lunch.The bed was soft, sheets were pleasantly cool on his body and all he wanted to do was curl in himself and never leave the bed.Thor had tried to wake him up for lunch , He was batted away , with whine to leave him alone. surprisingly Thor had relented and left for the court.

He woke up to evening breeze and Thor's worried face. He faught to keep his eyes open as the king moved to open the curtains and let the evening lights pour into the room. Loki grimaced and tried to block the lights by his arm across eyes.

" Love, you need to get up. " , Thor said as he helped thin man to sit up and rearranged cushions to support his back. Loki closed his eyes and was about to zone out when his cheek was tapped with gentle fingers. He forced his lids to open in half squint. Thor's face came into view. 

" Are you hungry ? You have slept whole day."  
  
" Hmnn." Now that Loki thought about it, he was quite hungry. He gathered enough strength to tell the same but Thor had disappeared to outher chambers. When he was back, he held a bowl of steaming hot soup. The smell was enough for Loki's stomach to grumble. Thor smiled warmly as the younger god tried to gulp down the soup without cooling it . It almost burnt his mouth and he threw the whole thing out with a yelp. His eyes watered as he tried to blow air into the mouth.Thor handed him napkin and took the bowl back.

" Easy love. Its hot.Here, let me help you."  
  
Loki didn't protest as Thor blew on the spoonfull and fed him when it cooled down. He was a proud man yes, but this ..this was nice. Thor was taking care of him and he did not have to worry about anything , Even about his imminent death. The thought darkened his mood, and he lost his appetite. Thor bit back his argument as he pushed the bowl away.

" Loki.."  
  
" Hmnn."

" We need to talk." He faltered at the elegant raise of eyebrow." I need to talk to you."

" I am listening!"

" I need to ask your leave to visit Midgard ."  
Loki didn't know what was the unpleasant feeling churning in his stomach.jealousy, unease.. hurt, betrayal...he did not want to name it.  
  
" Loki, baby say something!"

" Why?" He croaked, all the uncertainty was clear in the way the question was asked.

" I have requested friend Stark to investigate the invasion more critically, as I have told you. I have contacted him, and he has replied in positive.I need to visit and see if he has found something of use."

" Thor, please.."

" Only for a day or two ,love. It's necessary."

" No what is necessary is you need to stay here with me... now more than ever." 

Thor's frown deepened." I don't understand love"

" I have not been completely honest with you Thor. I .. I have to tell you something!" Loki was scared, that Thor will think he has been betrayed, lied to. The uncertainty showed on his face.

" Loki, if you are not comfortable about talking about something its fine. I don't want to force you."

, " But I need to..tell you. Before It's too late."

" What is it Loki? You know, you can tell me anything, right?."

" I , you know I have not been feeling well, don't you?"

" Yes and you are stubbornly refusing healer to look at you." Loki sighed.

" I can't hold my food down. I have this constant nausea causing me to retch all the time. Yet sometimes I am so hungry that I feel I can eat a whole horse and as soon as have the food in front of me, I loose my appetite." Thor smiled fondly at the week attempt of humour, so he continued. " I sleep so much that I am barely awake for an hour a day ,yet I am always so tired , exhausted! "

" That is because you are starving. You have no energy. Once Eir gives you something to settle your stomach, you will be..."

" I am not finished Thor.Let me talk or I will not be able to tell you, what I am trying to."

" Ok, Tell me." Thor said as he took Loki's trembling hands in his hand, to hold to support.

Loki gazed at his face for a long moment and then said,  
" The worse part is I can't part away from you even a single breath. It's like I crave for your presence, your touch , your... your smell! I just don't want you to go anywhere... just want to have you as much as I can before my time is up..."

" What are you trying to say, love."

" I am trying to say that I don't have much time... I am not going to be here forever."

" Loki, Where are you going.", Thor sounded scared ,hurt.. a thread of anger in his voice as he looked on ..hurt, afraid that Loki might have betrayed him after all! That was enough for the thin god,

" I am dying Thor!" There. He had finally said it.

" Wha..." 

" The enchantment is killing me. And as funny as it may sound I don't wish for you to remove this ring and save me. I just want to spend my last days with you... "

" Loki.No.You are not dying. Yes I have seen that the enchantment weakens you. I have faught with father over it. And Eir says that you would be able to replenish the energy during nights when I remove it. We both have agreed that this can go on until I find a way to release you from the bonding."

" No. You are wrong .Eir is wrong. I can feel it. This enchantment is sapping my seidr and my energy constantly. I have not used my powers in months.I donot think I would be able to even if I tried. I am so weak that I can't move that spoon if I try right now." He pointed to the spoon in the bowl on the side table where Thor had left it.  
  
" But Eir said that you can bear this as long as I remove the ring and replenish your energy. I had her check you every day after we had that fight. After I uh.. activated the enchantment. ", He looked away in guilt, "You were not well but You were so angry at me that I had to bring her in while you slept. I thought you were better "

" I was. At least I thought I was. But there is something inside me, I feel it you know.Its feeding on my seidr... And I can't tolerate any food. I am so tired ,so miserable all the time.I don't want to feel like this, Thor.I don't want to feel like this!", Loki was almost hysterical now. Thor gathered his sobbing lover close. He Held him and waited. When he decided to talk again Loki's sobs had settled into occasional hiccup.

" Its all right baby, we will make it right. We will find a way to make you better. You just need a healer to see you, to know what is wrong." Loki tried to move back to protest, but Thor held him at arms distance and gazed at his face, " If you don't want Eir to check you , I can arrange another healer. We can call someone from Vanaheim."

" And who has skills that equals Eir."

" There might be someone.We will find out. "

" Mmm. Maybe. We will decide later" , And he went back to safety of The King's chest. Thor frowned,   
" Its decided.I am sending someone to Vsnaheim tonight. But now we are going out."

" Can't we stay here and cuddle.I like this." Loki's soft request brought a fond smile to Thor's lips. He placed a chaste kiss on the temple of ravenhead.

" Whatever is your wish, love. But you need to get out more. Fresh air will do you good."

" Mmm hmm.Tomorrow I promise."

Loki fell asleep so soon, that had Thor worried again. He silently got up from bed and sat there looking at sleeping man. Loki looked so tiny, so pale that it broke Thor's heart. He sighed promised to himself that he will get Loki tomorrow to meet a healer. 

  


  
  
  



	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets diagnosed... Really people that's all that happens in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have been irregular but my life has gone from crazy to double crazy. I will try to keep my weekly update schedule.  
> And Happy valentines day to you all

Loki felt the familiar presence beside him before he even opned his eyes. Usually he woke up after Thor had left for his morning workout. But today he smelt Thor ,felt his strong presence cacooning him and opened his eyes to Thor's indulging smile. Loki supressed urge to rub his eyes and yawned. He knew Thor thought him adorable after waking up, (which he was not, thank you very much!) He frowned at the king and asked ,

" What time is it? You don't have sparring today?"

" I did not want to go!"

" Hmm.That is a rare occasion. May I know the cause?"

" Mmm. Just.. you were sleeping on my arm and you looked so peaceful. You never get enough rest with all the bad dreams ,I ..I didn't want to disturb..."

" Tell me that you didn't miss your sparring , because I was sleeping on you." Loki sat up to stare increduously. But the sudden movement caused his stomach to churn unpleasantly. His head throbbed and the smell of air was almost as stale as dungeons. Before he could speak his unease or objections, sickness in his stomach forced it's contents in a reflex so strong that he had to press a hand on his mouth and rush to the washrooms.

By the time Thor arrived behind him, he was throwing up his meagre dinner in a basin or was trying to. Nothing came out as there wasn't anything to throw up. Thor kneeled beside him supporting his quivering body as he wretched violently without any outcome. As the retching bout receded after some time, he sagged in the kings chest and put his head vulnerably on support of the shoulder, a tired sigh leaving his lips. Thor touched his forehead which was clammy with sweat and he closed his eyes. Before they could think of moving Loki rushed forward as nausea hit him again, dry heaving. Thor tried to sooth him , rubbing his back.

It took them some time get out of washrooms. Thor sat Loki down on a chair and offered him a cup of water. Loki turned his face away, taking anything in his upset stomach made him feel sick.Thor knelt in front of him taking his both hands in his.

" Loki, sweetheart.."

" Mmm?"

" I know you would not like it, but you need a healer and I am calling Eir."

" I am fine,Thor.Just give me a moment."

" I am sending for another healer from Vanaheim today. But we can't wait until they come. This is serious." 

" Its nothing new Thor.I am fine."

" Nothing new? How many times did this happen?"

" It happens every morning when you are out usually. I will be fine... Just tired!" Loki tried. not to close his eyes.

Thor's eyes flashed in anger, " And you did not even bother to tell me this? How can you do this to me? Again and again I trust you , only to be betrayed.. Is it so hard to just tell me the truth..Have you no trust in me?" 

Loki stared horrified, as the thunderer's anger subsided into hurt. Thor was always quick to rage and slow to calm down. That was the reason he kept things from the thunderor , tried to manage by himself. He was doomed to eternal lonelyness 'cause the stupid oaf would not grow up and think about the consequences before smashing things'. He had kept things to avoid hurting Thor, and now he was being blamed for that also.Why did this always happens to him? Why it was always him at the end of blaming finger.  
" Why?" ,He whispered.

" Why? I should be asking why? Why can't you just be honest for once in life.Why I have keep be looking around to check when will you stab me in the back.Why can I not trust you after everything?." , thor was screaming by the end.

Loki knew Thor lost his sense with rage but he was too sick right now. Too sick of taking blame for everything.. Hot white rage flared in his mind and he stood up. Fully prepared to give the oaf a piece of his mind, but the sudden movement was a bit too much ! Everything happened at same time. The roof tilted and tiny stars were swimming in front of his eyes.All he could say was,  
" You !.." Thor's face blurred amd simmered far away, Roof tilted in odd angle and he felt sweat breaking on his spine, a sudden chill spread through his limbs and last thing he heard before passing out was someone's shout.

Thor knew he has gone too far when he registered hurt on Loki's face. The upturned frown of eyebrows with wide brimming eyes, little quiver in lower lip and his gorgeous brother had melt his anger with a single whispered 'why'. He cursed himself for being so gullible to Loki and did only thing he knew to stop himself from going to Loki and kiss the hurt away.He screamed... said whatever came into his mind! And he realised his mistake as soon as anger flashed in Loki's eyes. The leaner man stood up about to scream at him but swayed with sudden uncertainty. His eyes roled back and Thor scrambled to catch him as he fainted out-cold. 

"Loki. ", He tried to call the pale man as soon as he caught him mid-fall. and frowned at how light the thin man was. He layed him on bed and felt his forhead, which was cold_ too cold with beads of sweat. Thor wanted to kick himself, but right now he needed to take care of Loki who was looking paler by the second.

" Loki." When he got no response he walked out of bed chamber and called to the guard outside. Nanna who was setting breakfast looked at his panicked face and rushed inside.

" Is he vomiting again?" She asked as she passed him in hurry to get to Loki.

" He was." He said as he went out to send a guard for Eir. When he came back to bed she was mopping the pale face with a cloth with deft hands. Loki looked really sick lying there.' I did this to him' he cursed himself and his anger.

" Nanna, do you know what is wrong with him?"

The older woman looked sad as she gased the sleeping face." I know he is not well but he forbid me from telling you. He promised me that he will talk to you as soon as Jotun delegation left. He did not want to bother you with his health when you were already so burdened.As foolish as it sounds he worries more about you than his own health." Thor looked away in shame. He had blamed Loki, while Loki was trying to protect him... 

Eir entered with a procession of apprentice behind her. She asked what happened.  
Thor answered, " He is having trouble to keep his food down. His stomach is so upset that he has been dry heaving as soon as he woke up. He is so starved that he fainted mid-talk."

" Since when this is happening? "

" About a month or so. He never eats and has been really moody. He feels dizzy time to time and sleeps too much" ,nanna added.

A apprentice filled the symptoms in Loki's file on a device. Thor and Nanna were shooed out as Loki was being checked.They waited.

_@_@_@_@_@_

" How is he?" , Thor rushed to Loki's side as soon as he was allowed in.

" He needs rest, my king. I am giving him something that will help with his upset stomach and weakness. He will need a particular diet to replenish his energy.I will explain it to Nanna." 

" What is wrong with him? He thinks that the ring is killing him.Tell me that he is wrong and he can be saved. I will throw the ring away if necessary, Eir.Please..." ,Thor knew he was begging but he did not care anymore.

" My King, there's nothing to be worried about.He will be well after proper rest and treatment." ,Eir assured urgently.

" He is so pale, he really looks ill. When will he be awake? He has been unconscious for long time" 

" He awoke for a while but I had to sedate him, " upon seeing Thor's frown ,she added, " He was not co-operating. He will wake up in an hour"

" Not co-operative? Loki may be unhappy with you but he has a sence to allow the healer to work. Why would he be uncooperative?"

" I was examining him for underlying cause of his illness. I needed to perform a penetrative test."

" Penetratitive?"

" Nothing physical.I just wanted to scan his body with magic to find the possible cause of his illness. He was not allowing me to perform any spell. I apologise my king, but it was necessary and I did not want to distress him further by restraining him. " 

" You said he will be fine. What's ailing him?"

" What he says about something sapping his seidr is true, your magesty. But its not the ring. He is expecting, about six to eight weeks along, not that far but I would have been happy if he was under my care since the beginning. I also took his blood to confirm my suspicion, which came positive.The foetus has probably seidr of its own or using Loki's seidr as anchor to settle. Apart from the weakness, he seems to be healthy." Thor could not understand through ringing in his ears.

" Foetus? Wha... What are you.."

" Yes my king. Prince Loki is pregnant!" 

• 

" 

.

" 

"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn! some of you got to read discarded excerpts of next chapter But now I have deleted it. So you guys can comment here and tell me how you like this or can wait forever to find what happens next.Ha ha ha....


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So This is Loki's reaction to the news..

Thor asked Nanna to keep an eye on Loki and left.He needed to be away, to think. This was an unexpected development if not unpleasant. And there was a question of Loki's reaction when he learns the truth. Thor was really not looking forward to telling him that.

When he made his way back towards their chambers, he met Nanna in the halls .  
" He is awake my king. I am going to kitchen to find something for him to eat."

" How is he?"  
  
" I don't know.Lady Eir was checking him when I left."

Thor prayed to Norns for strength and entered inside. Loki was sitting alone in the large bed, looking lost. 

" How are you feeling ,love?" ,Thor approached.

Loki turned towards him , his face ghastly pale, " Congratulations are in order,I suppose!" he said without a trace of any emotion. Thor gulped.  
" Eir told you."

" She told me that I am not dying,yes."

Thor sat down.Picked Loki's hand from his lap, and kissed his knuckles. The thin god snatched his hand back.

" Your healer has gall to push her seidr in my body, do you know how insulting it is? How vulnerable I felt?" , Loki snapped.  
  
"I am sorry Loki, I worry for you. You will get to meet the vanir healer when he arrives, but right now I am not taking chance with your health.." He was about to leave when Loki spoke,

" No! ", Thor was going to argue but he beat him to it,

" I am not a child ,Thor. You may have right to decide for me but you promised that we will be equal in these chambers. I didn't lie to hurt you, quite opposite actually.But whenever I try to do something good, it comes to bite me back..And I have nothing against Eir, she is the best healer anyone could get. But that's all... I will not trust more than my health in her hands.She is loyal to king of Asgard, always has been.It only right that, she checks on king's concubine and his unborn child. I donot intend to threaten her position in court, so yes she can treat me within limits." 

" I apologise love, for my rash reaction and for hurting words. But I was scared Loki, I was scared that I would lose you and I thought you did not inform me about it early so that I could have faught for you."

Loki made no movement to acknowledge the apology.  
" Loki ,baby please.. say something." Thor put a finger under his chin and turned him towards himself. He earned a defeated sigh.

" I am tired of it Thor. I am tired of others dictating my life. I am tired of never having any choice.Its always thrown at me like I don't matter... maybe It's true.I just..."

" But you do.Love, you do matter for me.You matter so much that I could kill for you, I would give my life if it makes you happy.And you can have the choice.. It's all right if you don't want this pregnancy." Thor almost chocked out the last words and almost flinched when he saw the hope in green orbs he loved so much! ' Would Loki really get rid of their baby?'

" I don't know Thor. This child will not be welcome here. I don't wish another Loki to grow up in shadows of this palace."

" Loki, please.Trust me, we will not repeat past mistakes. Our child will be a loved and cherished as heir to Asgard's throne, a child of a king and a prince..."

" The child of a king's concubine who will never be allowed anywhere near the throne. I have read my concubinage, I am surprised that you are not approached with marriage proposals yet. Me or my child , we have no chance there. I don't even want that... but still he will be hated, for being mine!"

" I promise I will make this all right, love. I have promised you a honourable place by my side.. our child will be a king.." But Loki stopped him, harshly.

" What will happen if it is blue ,Thor? What will you do if my monstrous blood turns prominent?"

" You know I love you in every skin , our baby will be no different!"

" And what of your people? what of Odin and his council.."

" We will find a way, love."

" I don't want to! I don't want to struggle and fight anymore. I don't want to resort to tricks and manipulation in search of good life for me or for this child. I don't want to be blamed for every war that is going to come if I bore this child..."

" I understand. You don't have to do anything that you don't want.but if you decide to bring our chid in world , know that I will be forever grateful and I will do everything a father should do and more! I promise you on my honour!"

To this Loki had no argument, so he said,  
" Get out!"

  
_@_@_@_@_@_

In the end, they decided to keep the news secret for Loki. Sif, Nanna and healers were obvious exceptions and bound themselves by oath to keep the royal secret.

Two days after the news, Loki entered the king's study with nervous feet. Thor rushed to him,

" Loki, what are you doing here? Are you ,are you well? Are you in pain?" , his arms moved on the thin frame towards the yet concave stomach of not showing jotun.

" I am well enough? Can I not visit you?" ,Loki batted the searching hands in annoyance.

" Of course. you can visit me anywhere. Come sit down.Have you eaten?"

" Hmnn." ,Loki groaned as he sat on the chair in front of Thor's desk. That caused Thor to frawn..  
" What did you eat?" He asked with suspicion.

" A toast?" Loki answered tentatively.

" Loki, you ate that for breakfast with me . Its almost evening, why would you... is your stomach upset? Should I call Eir?" , he stood up, frantic to ease his own panic and his brother's discomfort.

" Thor, I am well. I am not as nauseated , the potion is helping... no need for healer"

" Then why you have not eaten... a toast in morning is nothing!"

" I don't feel like eating."

" Why? Is the food not desirable to you? Does the smell bothers you? Do you crave something specific? Whatever it is I can bring it to you!"

" Thor enough! I will tell you if I want something. Right now I have something on my mind"

" Do you wish to talk?" , Thor asked hope shining bright in his eyes. Loki had been distant since his pregnancy was revealed

" Yes.I...ah need a favor actually!"

" Loki, you know I will do anything for you.What is it?"

" I wish to write a letter to Helblindi, the king of Jotunheim."

Thor swallowed his hurt...if Loki wanted to connect with his blood brothers, he would not be stopped.  
" Of course brother, you can write to whomever you wish to."

" But my letter will not be delivered without being scrutised and I don't have my seal anymore."

" Oh." That was right. Loki had lost his privileges along with his status. Inter-realm correspondence under his own seal was one of them. In truth Loki ,being a concubine couldn't write to anyone. 

" Can you send this with your seal?" He brought a envelope from his ovecoat, nervously biting his lower lip, " I have not closed it ,you can read it before sealing."

Thor took the letter and. kept ir on desk without taking his eyes off the hopeful face of his beloved.  
"Consider it done. I will not look at it. You have right to have your own correspondence, love. " 

" Thank you." Relief washed over Loki's face. It didn't bother hom anymore that he is so expressive in front of Thor. "Do you... do you not wish to know what I have written?"

" No.but if you want to talk about anything, I am here." Thor offered.And Loki understood.He had not been able to speak with Thor about the pregnancy. And now he was seeking his Jotun elder, Thor was jealous!

' I can not. I wish to confide in someone neutral."

" Then talk to Sif."   
  
Loki snorted. Sif was hardly neutral and he had been talking to her. but when he opened his mouth ,he saught to assure his king.  
  
" Sif hardly knows anything about Jotun pregnancy. I wish to know what I am getting into before deciding."

" Very well then. I will seal this with a stamp of secret correspondence. and it will be opened by Helblindi only."

" You have my gratitude." Loki smiled. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people. Sorry for the inconsistencies.But yesterday was my birthday and I took a much needed break or tried to actually. My family and friends made my day wonderful... I had been pretty burnt out from work and family responsibilities. The sadness was slowly creeping back but yesterday was a fresh breeze. So I am kind of happy right now. So posting this half baked chapter to make you happy. Love.


End file.
